I feel so sick....what should I do?

Question

My husband and I (common law) have fought pretty much the whole 2 years of our relationship. At times it did get physical.....on both ends. We just sort of push each other over the edge. Our last big fight was over something so petty, and we got physical, and of course, he blames everything on me. So now he is leaving me. Leaving me with bills that are due, no food in the cupboards, and a one year old baby. And most of all, leaving me with no money. When the baby was born, we both decided that I would stay home and raise him....I feel hopeless, sick, lost, sad, angry. I do love him, and I know he loves me, but he keeps saying he's done. Yesterday I wanted him gone, I hated him, but today, I feel the complete opposite and I can't stop crying. What should I do?

If this doesn't make sense, I'm sorry.

One last thing, I live in Canada.

THANKS GUYS......I'M OVER HIS ***. i NEED TO BE STRONG FOR MYSELF AND MY SON. I'VE ALREADY GOT THE BALL ROLLING FOR MONEY AND FOOD AND WHAT NOT. THANKS SO MUCH.

Answer 1

Listen , wipe up the tears, since you aren't married is why he finds it so easy to walk away..I know that you are feeling pretty desperate here. but if you have been fighting for the whole 2 years of the relationship. let him go.. you don't want that kind of thing for the baby..
get up take a shower ,clean up..dry up your tears. and head yourself down to social services and get the help that you need. and do it today.. they will help you out with food and money for the bills and medical if you need it for the baby and your self.. it will help out until that you can get a job and get back out into the work force. they will also help out with a babysitter..
stop thinking about him right now you need to think about how to take care of that baby and yourself right now. Also change all the locks on the doors you don't want him walking in and out when ever he feels that he wants to.. it was his decision to walk so tell him to keep walking..
you need to get up and help yourself now. there will be plenty of time to sit around and cry later when you have your life straigtened out .. can you get the job back that you had before you had your baby? try it you may be surprise
good luck , hope you do what is best for you and your child

Answer 2

First of all it does not sound to me like the two of you need to be in a relationship if you cant stop physically fighting and arguing. It is unfortunate that you did not figure that out before that innocent baby came along.

Now that that is said, don't let him leave with all the money, it you two have a bank account, go get the money, then go to the friend of the court and make him pay child support, then go to the local child welfare and sign up until you can get a job, yes you now need a job. Child welfare will help you with child care cost until you can get on your feet again.

For the sake of you and your child, seek some counseling for your anger issues seeing that you admitted that you hit also this way your child can be safe, I know you are probably saying you would never hit your child, but if you hit your man, you will hit your child if s/he makes you angry enough, and trust me that child will make you angry enough from time to time. And the next time you choose a partner, choose one that is not proned to violence or your baby will be raised by someone else and you may be in the ground somewhere.

Answer 3

It does make since. But truth is, the two of you bring out the worst in eachother as well as the best. Thats not healthy for either one of you or the baby. The baby doesn't need to grow up seeing mommy and daddy getting physical everytime they fight, that would suggest that thats ok and the way relationships are, and its not ok, and not how all relationships are. I think you need to get some goverment assistance TEMPORARILY, and let them help you with foodstamps and a daycare for your son so that you can get a job and pay the bills have food in the house and be able to take care of you and your baby, until you are back on your feet. I also think that you and your common law husband need to sit down and talk, decide that you love eachother but you want to be friends and raise your son TOGETHER. Not all relationships work out and when you have a child in the mist of you both, it is best to take the alternate BEST route for all of you. Perhaps you can discuss him (daddy) helping you out with a little cash every week, like $50. or so dollars to help you with diapers and baby food and clothes. I really think he will be happy to do so as long as you are raising your child TOGETHER and you and him can find a common ground on FRIENDSHIP. I know you miss him and you love him, but things don't always workout because they are not suppose to and you and him are just unhealthy in a lovers relationship for you both and your child. I am sorry things have ended this way.... but I do hope you see some light in this advice. BLessed be........

Answer 4

Anytime a relationship becomes abusive it is no longer a healthy relationship. Both of you guys need to seek some help even if you are not together anymore. Right now you need to ask for some help from friends or family. You have got to take care of your child. So I would get out and find a job, do something so that you and your child are okay. Breaking up is always hard, but you'll be okay, it just takes time to get through it. Think about your child, do you want it to grow up seeing you and your husband hitting each other, what kind of example would that be?

Answer 5

you may not think so now but this is the best thing to happen to you. Being in an abusive relationship (mentally and physically) can do damage to oneself. Not to mention your 1 year old child having to live in this enviroment. Most states do not recognize common law marriages any longer. If your state does then you will have to go through a divorce decree.
If not then you should first of all go and apply for WIC and food stamps, etc. Go for custody of the child. You will then receive child support from him to help out with the child. This will help until you can get on your feet. See if you have a family member who can watch your child while you look for a job. I understand that you love him. Most women do when they are in an abusive relationship but truthfully you are better off and so is your child. Trust me. Been there Done that! If your state does not recognize common law marriage then all the bills (credit cards or loans) in his name... are his only.. foward them to his new address or return to sender. This will not affect you.

Answer 6

You both sound totally immature. You should never have brought a child into a relationship that was based on two children fighting in a playpen.

You need to grow-up and do it quickly for the sake of your child. That means stop whining and expecting someone else to take care of you and your problems.

Go find out about daycare while you go back to school, get training to go to work, or look for a job that will support you and your child.

You lived with him, you made a child, and now you have to take responsibility for you actions.

You can whine and live a crappy life letting others control you because you are financially dependent on them, or you can stand up like a human being and control your own life.

Choose.

Answer 7

Hey, it makes complete sense. My husband and I were and sometimes still is in the same boat. The only thing keeping us together is God and thankfully we don't have a child together. It is very selfish for your husband to leave you and the baby. If he really leaves you for good and don't want to be with you anymore, I am 100% sure you can get support from him (enough to survive anyway) especially because you don't work and there's a baby involved. I think you're entitled to about half his paycheck or something like that but do check with your state.

Sorry this is happening to you. I only pray that through your short period apart, he comes to his senses and realizes that he cannot live without you :-( If you ever need to talk, shoot me an email.

Answer 8

I'm so sorry. You have so much going on and your own thoughts are probably doing your head in. Try to relax and leave it a day or so til everything calms down. If he is a good guy then he will not leave you in the lurch. You should not be part of an abusive relationship, physical or otherwise. I f you are part of that problem then it is something that you have to face up to and get help with. Keep your chin up and know that everything will sort itself out. Hope it's all sorted soon =)

Answer 9

YOU SOUND LIKE A WOMAN THAT IS JUST REALLY UPSET OVER HER LIFE. WHAT YOU SHOULD DO, IN MY OPINION, IS JUST LET HIM GO. IT IS VERY HARD AT FIRST, BUT YOU WILL SEE THAT EVERYDAY YOU GET STRONGER. I KNOW YOU WANT BELIEVE THAT TODAY, BUT THAT IS ONLY BECAUSE YOU ARE STILL HEARTBROKEN. BUT, I PROMISE IT WILL GET BETTER! ALSO PRAY ABOUT IT, GOD CAN HELP YOU IN WAYS YOU CANT EVEN IMAGINE!! AS FOR THE CHILD AND THE BILLS. GO TO YOUR LOCAL WELFARE OFFICE, THEY HAVE TONS OF PROGRAMS TO HELP PEOPLE. IN YOUR CASE I WOULD APPLY FOR FOOD STAMPS, HOUSING, CHILD SUPPORT, AND MOST STATES EVEN HAVE A CHECK YOU CAN GET EACH MONTH TO HELP OUT WITH OTHER EXPENSES. IN THE MEANTIME I WOULD TRY TO FIND A JOB THAT IS MAYBE PARTIME SO YOU HAVE A LITTLE CASH. THAT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL WAY MORE INDEPENDENT!!! AND HOPEFULLY YOU HAVE RELATIVES OR A FRIEND THAT COULD HELP YOU WITH CHILD CARE SOME UNTIL YOU GET BACK ON YOUR FEET. AND WITH ALL OF THESE THINGS YOU WILL STAY SO BUSY, THAT BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, YOU WANT CARE OR HAVE THE TIME TO CRY OVER THE MAN. PLUS THINK ABOUT IT, IF IT HAS GOTTEN PHYSICAL ALREADY THEN IT WILL AGAIN. DO YOU REALLY WANT YOUR CHILD GROWING UP IN THAT ENVIRONMENT. HOPE THAT HELPS YOU HON.....GOOD LUCK WITH IT ALL!!

Answer 10

In no state I know of, are you married by common law after 2 years, in most it is 7 years. Contact a lawyer. He might not want to be with you (and this sounds like a good thing if you two argue all the time) and for whatever reason, left (he prob would have found another reason later). No matter what the living arrangements, he has to support your child. Contact family court now, if you do not have the money, contact Department of Human Services, they can help you out with a lawyer for that, help you take him to court, and help you with food and housing for now. Also, check out WIC while your there, it helps with baby food and such. Good luck.