I need help to make my girl friend feel safe and secure with me. I used abuse for the first year we were together we have been together for 3 years now and it has been great with no abuse. I don't mean to sound lame or anything but she made me better I hated what I had done to her and just stopped it all together. Recently her mom was abused by her boy friend really bad and it scared my girl friend and now she says she can't take a chane with me for fear that it will happen again. I know that I could never do it to her again and I also know that they are just words and will never undo the past. She stil loves me but her fear is stopping her from being with me. I told her that I respect her decision and I am not mad at her or anything like that. I want to be with her so badly and earn her trust back. I am giving her time and space. Is there anything I could do to help her to know I am serious. I don't what else to say ask my headline says it all I need help
2006-09-15 01:50:47 · 10 answers · asked by jsnpasty 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
What is the answer that you are looking for - one that suits YOUR needs? You've asked this question before and you were given good answers. The fact that you are asking it again tells me that you do need counseling as you can't seem to resolve this issue.
2006-09-15 01:54:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Fear is a difficult thing to over come, but most fears, if truly thought through them are unjustified, because they are just simply a fear of the unknown. Ask her what she fears the most in you, and ask her what she would then do, if it ever became so? Try to help her see that she would have several different options, and that it would not ruin her life completely, even if it did happen. Try to keep it on the positive side.
Also, let her know that it is fear, not hate, which is love's true opposite, and that she was the one that helped you see this. For you were fearful that, if you didn't act the way you use to, your life wouldn't be as good. You took a chance on trusting in her advice, and now you simply wish to be given the same trust. For fear is not a worthy guide to place our faith into, because it's love's opposite, and love is always the answer.
2006-09-15 09:02:07 · answer #2 · answered by eric l 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whoa, that situation with her mother must have really affected her deeply and brought up those bad memories.
I would see if she could get some counseling as it sounds as though she may still have those fears of being abused again - which is NORMAL once someone has been abused.
If need be, maybe the 2 of you could get joint counseling. I think it is incredibly admirable that you straightened around. Personally, I wouldn't have given you the second chance, but she obviously saw some very good qualities in you and believed in you. Stand by her when she obviously needs you at this time.
2006-09-15 08:56:47 · answer #3 · answered by Road Warrior 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a real problem my friend. Unfortunately you set the tone in the first year and your girlfriend obviously has a fear of abuse anyway because of what she has been exposed to.
Have you examined why you were abusive and talked this over with your girlfriend. Maybe joint counselling would be in order?
Time and patience is the only possible solution and I wish you all the best.
Allan
Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) at; www.God-101.com
And the petition to have people mind their own business instead of yours at; http://www.petitiononline.com/moses/petition.html
2006-09-15 09:00:01 · answer #4 · answered by Moses 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the trust in your relationship has been broken. She must really love you if she has stayed around. Just keep doing what you are doing!! Give her every bit of space and all the time she needs. And just keep reassurring her that you love her and will never do those things again and always be there for her when she needs to talk. And be completely honest with her if she asks questions. You have alot of making up to do and if you love her enough you will be willing to spend a life time doing so!!!
Good luck to both of you!!!!
2006-09-15 09:00:22 · answer #5 · answered by polarbaby 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow. that's difficult. I do commend you for stopping the abuse. I believe you actually do care for her.
I suggest you just keep giving her time and space. It wouldn't hurt to explain your problem to her. to let her know you really do care. try not to push the relationship. this will probably just take a lot of time, but when she sees she can really trust you, she will respect you more than ever!
best of wishes :) smile :)
2006-09-15 08:55:51 · answer #6 · answered by ♥honey♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her that you have not hit her all this time and you won't.you should take a anger management class to help her feel more comforable around.
2006-09-15 08:54:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
your doin what you can i think time is good space? if it was meant to be she will come back to you. let her make the moves tho
2006-09-15 08:54:34 · answer #8 · answered by terri e 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her you love and and it was vary wrong and stupid for you to do that and you will never do anything like that again...
2006-09-15 08:55:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
keep reassuring her
2006-09-15 08:53:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋