Roommate Issues?

Question

If there area any mispelled words, I'm Sorry.
I always had my suspicions about my new roommate, and now I know that he is gay, I have no problem with it at all, but what he did last night put me in an akward situation, he brought a "friend" home, I went to bed early that night, so he and his friend come in, and his friends asks, what about your roommate, he says, he listens to music when he sleeps. I listen to music before I go to sleep, I didn't have anything that last night.
Let me tell you all of this is happeing at 2:00am, I wake and his light is on, I can't sleep with a light on, so I turn it off, Next thing I know there in sitting in bed and just talking, talking about this and that. Mnd you I have class in the morning. Then they start talking about looks, and the gym, and then they start kissing, and I can hear it all. I just want to go to sleep, but when there talking, I can't. So I just lay in my bed, doing nothing, I didn't get any sleep because of this.

What should I have done, should I say can you please be quiet I'm trying to sleep, It's his room too, I know. How should I handle situations like that. I'm sort of PO at the moment about this, and need to rant to some, It even caused me to have a cigarette this morning. and I'm not an avid smoker, so I was just sitting there for about 4 hours, hearing then talk and all. Once 6:00am came, I took a shower and grabbed my clothes and left.
How should I handle this.

Answer 1

Be more assertive.

In all fairness to your room mate, he thought you were listening to music and could not hear him. How was he supposed to know that you went to bed early that night?

However, your room mate did not hear any music going on and should have kept things down in the even he woke you up. When you went and turned off the light, that should have been a clue for him to tone it down.

It was not nice of you to just shut a light with out saying anything. Granted you were tired and upset, but you came across as combative and embarrassed him in front of his friend. A more appropriate thing for you to have done would have been for you to ask them to please keep it down because you are trying to sleep. Maybe then you could have turned on your radio to help you fall asleep again?

Pull your room mate aside and tell him what you told us. The two of you need to work out a way to respect the other. It could be that you don't have guests on certain nights, that if you have guests that you keep things down or maybe something else.

Answer 2

No matter the gender of the person he's doing it with...the two of you need to work out a system for that to not be a problem anymore. If you just don't want guests after a certain time, that's one way. Another is getting advanced notice and crashing in a different room (with the idea that he'd do the same for you). There's a lot of agreements to be made in between those two extremes: it comes down to making rules that you both agree on.

Answer 3

KevinAngel,
You obviously take school maore serious that he does. Perhaps you can get a switch of roommates with someone else? Now that you know what to look for. It's never going to help you to have your sleep disturbed. So intil a switch can be made, try setting up some "Agreements" (rules) about when something is okay, and when something is not okay. And make sure you live by them also. If he is a good roommate, he should comply. But make sure that you discuss what the rules should be, unless you are somehow in authority over him.

Answer 4

This sure brought back a flash from the past! Similar thing happened to me in my college days. I just had a talk to him later that day when my anger cooled down a bit. Just explained that even if I sometimes listen to music to go to sleep other noises especially make out noises carry over the tunes. We arranged a "schedule" for room time that did not include school nights. Worked out quite well for a time and the next year I requested a single room!

Answer 5

Well you sound like me and my roommate i bet the reason that you ask this is cause you really don't wanna talk to him about it, right! But well i think the best way to throw it at him is, when you get home ask him " hey wuzzup?" "Oh how is your friend?" then tell him a man last night i couldn't sleep, i had class in the morning and damn man i had a hard time sleeping cause i could hear everything, when you tell him that his going to remember it, unless he wants you to hear all his conversations he will try his best to be more discrete and quiet, I don't think that he really wants you to know everything that he talks about or does....

Answer 6

I do not think you are out of line at all. Gay or straight....there is such a thing as common courtesty! 2:00 a.m. is NOT the time to be bringing in a date and starting all of that. I think that was very disrespectful of your roommate REGARDLESS of his sexual preference. If you're the kind that is ok with confronting him then I'd say something. There are ways to put things to people without being hateful or starting an argument. Good luck!

Answer 7

Hey, I'd be pissed and probably grumpy as helll, too. Go to the gym or something to blow off your anger, get some sleep if that's what you need, and then talk to him when you're ready to without being accusatory. If you didn't say, hey guys, I need to sleep and can't with the talking, he may have actually thought you were sleeping. Anyway, y'all need to set some basic roomy rules, one being that at a certain point the room really is just for sleeping.

Answer 8

It sounds like you guys are in a dorm room. In as much; both of you have to learn to get along with each other and respect each others boundaries. I think you had every right to be upset with his behavior and it has nothing to do with his sexual orientation. Bringing a person home at night with another person there is rude and crude. I'm surprised that you feel awkward; you're the one in the right and he's wrong.

Answer 9

Doesn't matter about his being gay, bi, or straight, you've gotta talk to him about being *inconsiderate*. The old-fashioned tie on the doorknob system (when you have a "guest") was put into place for a reason--and in his case, it can be his boyfriend's tie! You deserve to sleep and to be treated with consideration. Make sure you let him know it's about that, and not about his being gay. Work out a schedule--I know it sounds funny, but it'll prevent more nights like this.

Answer 10

Man, you've gotta let yourself be HEARD! You are paying for that matchbox too, so you have to speak up and tell them that whatever they do in PRIVATE is their business, BUT kissing and making noise in YOUR room is disrespectful and inconsiderate.

This happened to me too, except my roommate brought a girl over and I had class at 7:30am the next day. Our beds were like two feet away from each other and they started having SEX in my face. They thought I was asleep, and even though they were quiet, I could see them 'thanks' to the moonlight. They were doing it missionary and his dick was 4" long.