my friend has a new boyfriend. they have been dating for 6 months. im rather concerned as she never sees her friends anymore. she is obsesed by this guy. im not jealous of her relationship. he just seems to be controlling her. she has consult with him when she wants to go out and see her friends and when she does ask him if she can see her friends there is always some reason as to why she cant. he always contols who she speaks to and what she wears!!!my friend never used to be like this. she was always really out going and did her own thing. am i worrying over nothing?
2006-09-15 00:57:28 · 15 answers · asked by XCuteX 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
my friend also says that she wants to marry this guy and that if he asked her to marry her now, she would despite only dating for 6 months
2006-09-15 00:58:37 · update #1
This behavior is not "normal" but it is certainly typical. I give the marriage three months. ;-)
2006-09-15 01:00:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have plenty of reason to worry- you're being a good friend by not just getting annoyed and writing her off.
I know someone who married a guy like that after only 6 months. He even took over the wedding plans- she didn't get to pick her bridesmaids' dresses, or how her hair would be styled. Hopefully this won't happen to your friend- how old is she? With any luck her parents would intervene if she tried to actually marry him.
There's nothing you can do but wait and hope she will come round eventually, and be there for her when she does. People in love never listen... it's sad, but hopefully she'll eventually realise that this isn't how it's supposed to be.
2006-09-15 02:16:03 · answer #2 · answered by - 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that your friend, no matter how much you point it out, will never realise what this guy is like, the only way she will is by coming to her own conclusion. The best thing i think you can do is to always let her know you are there for her, there is no point in falling out with her over this, that way this guy gets what he wants, for the sake of your friendship, i would just put up with him while he is what she wants, and then when, as it probably will, all goes wrong, she will still have her good friend to help her through.
Good luck with it all and take care.
2006-09-15 01:04:42 · answer #3 · answered by xhoneybeex 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not worrying over nothing but at the same time the high of a new relationship is a serious draw. That said, just let your friend know that you are there for her and always will be. When his controlling ways become abusive she will need you. It is difficult because you can see the things that she just can't but if you care about her, let her know you'll be there to support her no matter what.
2006-09-15 01:01:57 · answer #4 · answered by Shawn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Worry all you want, but if you convey that to her she will defend her relationship and feelings even more. If he is controlling, politely mention your concerns and observations, but tell her that you are her friend and will love and support her decisions as long as she is truly happy. Some people crave the type of attention she seems to be getting and only truly feel they have a place in this world when they are in a relationship with someone who dictates their every move. Long story short, support her, be there for her, and hope for the best.
2006-09-15 01:25:50 · answer #5 · answered by ncmom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems as if your friend is quite happy with her boyfriend.It been a while they've started dating.If she wasn't happy, she would've lived him @ the beginning.Just be honest with her and tell her what you think and feel about her relationship.If she says it the way she loves it to be,just accept it.Maybe she wants to turn a new page in her life and adopt a new relationship style.
Just be with her and take her side for now or even forever.
He may be the man she's been looking for,maybe for quite some time.No one can predict the future,maybe his the one.
Give her a chance!!!!!
2006-09-15 01:15:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is being controlling like this now, it will only get worse as time goes on. All you can do right now is to let her know that you are worried about her. If she reacts the way I think she might, and say that things are fine and she loves him, and blah blah blah...then chances are, she won't listen to you about the way you see him treating her. She has to realize that he is being controlling first, then she will be able to do something about it. but if she doesn't see the fact that he is being like that, there isn't much you can do...
I am sorry to say that you might just have to stay out of it at this point. but, of course, if you find out that he is being controlling to the point that he is being emotionally or physically abusive, then you need to do something.
good luck darling!!
2006-09-15 01:40:31 · answer #7 · answered by goddoesnt_makemistakes 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
speaking from previous experience, if a guy told me what to wear, who i could be friends with, i'm affraid he'd be history!
My ex hubby was a control freak and i got into a relationship last year with a guy who started showing the signs so he was dumped!!
I've told my current boyfriend straight that if he ever tries anything like it, he'll be history!!! May sound harsh but its not very nice.
They not only take over your life but your mind as well, they make you, not exactly unable to make decisions, but scared to!!!
I dont know how you go about tackling this with your friend but try sitting her down and chatting to her about it. You need to make her see that she has a mind and doesnt have to check with him on everything.
I appreciate that she's in a relationship with this guy and relationships are about give and take but she dont need to do all the giving!!
2006-09-15 01:03:54 · answer #8 · answered by Mizz Julie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's only normal for a friend to disappear once they get into a relationship. Let your friend enjoy herself and don't worry about her. I had a friend do the same thing to me when I met my now husband - I stopped getting together with her. I've been married for a year now, been with hubby for 3 years total, and I only email this friend now. The truth was, I didn't want to hang out with her anymore and was grateful for the excuse not to! I'm married and busy now! Works everytime. Your situation could be the exact same thing -- this may be the perfect way for this girl to say to you "I'm moving on" without coming right out and saying it. Accept reality.
2006-09-15 01:01:33 · answer #9 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
your right to be concerned about her...for some reasons when girls get a guy they drasticly change...did u try to talk to her alone? if your not the only friend who sees this then the other friends should talk to her too but if she doesnt see anything wrong and wont change then let her make her bed and lye in it..all you can do is be her friend and support her when things go wrong
2006-09-15 01:07:07 · answer #10 · answered by jess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Controls what she wears, when she goes out and who she speaks to? Just tell her the domestic violence is around the corner...
2006-09-15 01:04:15 · answer #11 · answered by nert 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋