there was another women involved but its over. we have been together a very long time.15years. we have such a history and i love him very much. we both caused the faulter of our relationship, my being depressed and working nights, and he trying to be optimistic but not getting any results,ran instead. what to do?
2006-09-14 23:56:49 · 30 answers · asked by nonners1 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Like most things, relationships are addictive. They’re comforting and consistent. They give us a sense of belonging and establish a familiar routine in our lives. That’s probably why so many couples continue in a lifeless relationship for months or even years before acknowledging its post-mortem condition. It’s inevitable that couples cool as a relationship matures, so don’t be too quick to blow off a partnership just because it’s lost a little fire, but if these warning signs look familiar, your relationship just may be past its expiration date.
The first time a significant other cheats is usually a good time to head for the exit, but while it takes a lot of healing and rebuilding of trust, there are relationships that are capable of surviving infidelity. A second indiscretion, however, leaves no grey area. Even if it were never to happen again, you’re either committing yourself to a sentence of distrust and suspicion or compromising a substantial level of your self-respect by staying with him. If you know he’s strayed again—even if it was only a kiss, even if he’s truly, completely and excruciatingly sorry—it’s over. And if it’s you whose attention has wandered, it’s time to admit that this isn’t working for you. When you cheat on a loved one you cheat yourself of a partnership that is whole and honest; you’re better off looking for someone who can hold all of your attention.
2006-09-15 00:11:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would hope you dont' see getting back together at a "risk" but a chance for a new life.
No one can usually get through what you've been through without outside help. Therapy is VERY important in the process of putting the pieces back together. You basically have to start from square one with your husband. You have both crumbled the weak foundation of your relationship.........therefore there's nothing left but a few stones and the desire to rebuild. This time, you can both look back and have the chance to build a strong, indestructable foundation........but you can't do with without some unbiased person to help you sort it all out. Find a therapist who is helpful, someone who gives suggestions, solutions, homework. Try different ones if you have to, until you find a proactive person. It is worth it in the end. Your husband can change, and so can you. You only have to WANT it, be willing to do anything, and have help.
And to all the people who say, "once a cheater, always a cheater."...I vehemently disagree. People can change if they realize why they did what they did and are eager to change.
2006-09-15 00:04:50 · answer #2 · answered by paintgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A relationship can survive an affair. It takes communications and a rebuilding of trust. It is not guaranteed, but if you love him and think he will straighten up and fly right, then give it a shot.
He needs to understand that every relationship has ups and downs. Just because you are working nights to help pay the bills, it does not give him an excuse to go running around. He is supposed to stick through it with you, not with his girlfriend. You say you are both at fault, but truly evaluate the situation and be sure you are not just shouldering blame because he blamed it on you. His reaction will really tell you more than anything. If he was sorry, guilty, and truly ashamed of what he did, you have a good chance. If he tried to blame you, then I would have serious doubts about giving it another shot. If you give it a shot, keep a good eye on him. Most men will cheat again if they did it the first time. I hope this helps.
2006-09-15 00:06:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you can do what you want. Is there going to be a nothing woman in the future? Can you trust in him and can he trust you? You guys may love each other but there are alot of things that will go with it this time. He cheated on you once I think he will do it again. That just my thoughts. When someone gets by with it once they dont have a problem doing it again. Just think about things before you get back together. You may get back together and it last 20 months or it could last 20 years or the rest of your life. Good luck in whatever you do.
2006-09-15 00:05:31 · answer #4 · answered by bigdog_0032 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give it a try, 15 years is a long time and it sounds like you both know you have things to work on. My wife and I are seperated after 12 years but she does not want to work on anything, I would love to be in your position where we both wanted to try again, because I know i would do alot of things different, atleast then you will know you did all you can.
2006-09-15 01:11:18 · answer #5 · answered by jbrown280000 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It does not matter if you were working nights and were depressed. He still did not have the Right to go somewhere else to get what he wanted. He did it one he will most likely do it again.
The choice, ultimately is yours. If you think you can trust him then go for it. If you can not trust him after then it will never work out.
If you decided to get back together, do it slow. Make him date you again. Don't rush into it. It is a good way to get to know one another again with out jumping right back to whee you were when everything happened.
2006-09-15 00:02:30 · answer #6 · answered by passionparties_by_suzanne 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest you give it another try. If you don't then you will always wonder "what if". Since you both are aware of what caused the relationship to fail before you will be able to work on the issues and prevent them from happening again. I will warn you though. It won't be easy to get back on track, but from the sounds of it, you guys deserve to give it another try. Good luck to you. And congrats (so many couples don't get a second chance)!!!!!
2006-09-15 00:22:11 · answer #7 · answered by T.G. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take it slow and do a lot of talking. Start by going out and talking over the issues that got you to the place you are in the relationship. It all starts with communication. If he loves you and the two of you are willing to share the blame in the marriage and work out the issues then you could have a happy marriage.
2016-03-17 21:31:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are on the right path. If you know what causes you to get were you are then you know how to mend it. If you love him and he does you then go for it. Everyone makes mistakes and this sound like a mistake that you both can fix. It is better to try to fix it then to sit down one day and wish that you had. But it has to be something that you both want or it isn't going to work.
2006-09-15 00:04:12 · answer #9 · answered by sscott12414 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When the cause of seperation is over, and when both of you love each other, why delay? Forget the past and enjoy future life together
2006-09-15 00:02:44 · answer #10 · answered by dharap123 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋