I Need a males opinion....?

Question

My fiancee lost his job. We have had alot of "speed bumps" in our lives during the past year. but come on it has been a year since he had steady employment... Now he is convinced his trouble with employment is the result of ADHD. (He has self diagnosed by taking an evaluation online) How do I bring him back to reality without being a B**** or making it seem like I'm telling him what to do.

Men help me out here, I must be missing something.... wouldn't it hurt your pride to stay at home while your woman worked. Wouldn't you be motivated to get a job so you could have some $$$s? What is wrong with my man and how can I help him fix it?

I want to clarify that he has worked in the last year but not steady, and I have to take responsibility for part of the last 4 months of his unemployment because I excused him by having him watch my kids during summer break..... I just want some advice on how to say "HELLO KIDS BACK IN SCHOOL YOU NEED TO GET A JOB" I know if I say it like that we may as well take 10 steps backwards.

Answer 1

Look into employment angencies.... I had a simular situation with my husband. It wasn't that he was lazy or didn't want to help, it was hard for him to find a job. Once he did everything has been fine.

I did notice while unemployed he became depressed and that didn't help any.

Answer 2

Have you considered telling him that if he doesn't prove that he's getting his act straight, and show that he's serious about making a long term committed relationship work, then you'd be happier being without him and wait for a good man to come your way.

And that's BS about his having ADHD. Don't let his crap smear your eyes.... ewww gross, but that's what he's doing.

Geesh, I've worked my tail off for the past 10 years and my wife still tells me I don't make enough money, that I'm too frivolous with money etc. That's part of the reason we're in the process of getting a divorce. She's the type that thinks what's mine is hers and what's hers is hers, and that it's the man's responsibility to pay all the bills, etc. I think compromise is the best way, and extremes like this won't work for me.... will they work for you... ?

Good luck, and tell the bum to get a job or hit the road!

Answer 3

Your additional detail proves that you are delusional. The very fact that you are making excuses for an inexcusable behavior proves that you two are made for each other. No wonder he makes excuses for himself. He sees you weakness and your willingness to not be tough with people and he is learning to exploit this.

This is not a man, this is a big baby, and I am sure you will make a good mommy for him.

Trying to change him is not the answer. Dumping his lazy *ss is the answer. Of course you are going to tell yourself that he is not lazy, when his behavior is the very definition of laziness.

Granted some people are more lazy than others, and maybe he is only a 7 on the 10 point scale of laziness. I am sure that will be a great comfort to you as time goes on.

The problem is not with your man. The problem is with you.

The fact that you are seriously considering marrying such an individual is a testimony to your lack of ambition.

It is better to never be married than to live a lie with a self indulgent loser.

Answer 4

I am not trying to be cruel or a smart a**.
He is a looser!
To anyone who want to work, there are many jobs out there. He could have used that time he took with that evaluation to look for one. Consider yourself fortunate and lucky. You could have been married to this jerk. Don't let your feelings blur your vision of what he truly is. I don't know of any "real" man who would wallow in that position and let himself and his fiancee down.
Thank your lucky stars and move on. You deserve better. Love yourself first and realize that there is nothing you can do. He has to want it for himself. It is quite evident hat he does not. He will continue to make excuses and use you to no end.

Answer 5

Yeah, definelty not the right attitude. You have to respect yourself before you can respect others, so if his life is in limbo, you could find yourself becoming a part of that limbo. Men's life has lots of depression, but usually a relationship for a man implies that he is trying to be presentable as a man who is motivated, responsible, and active. Earning money has a lot to do with confidence, and supporting someone is a cornerstone of maturing.

Answer 6

First: Get him to see a Doctor and get the real tests done to see if he has ADHD, if he does there are numerous treatment options that will give him the ability to work.

Second: If he refuses to do the above then he may indeed be playing you, to find out for sure you could always install a nanny cam and see what he does while you are out.

Third: Be respectful and truthful, lieing only hurts your relationship more... get him to that doctor if he'll go, move on if he wont.

Answer 7

Dear girl,
Kindly review the situation from scratch. From the day you met him to this very day, including all the important moments. Try to see what has changed. Here is the guy whom you had set your heart upon, in deep trouble. Can you help him get a job? If losing a job is the trouble for him please help him as much as possible. You need to tell him about this and, also do it. All the best.

Answer 8

first thing I would do is to get him to a specialist in add and adhd to find out that might start the reality comeing back then take him to an employment agency to get him back into finding work if none of this works find someone else he is using you no one deserves to be treated this way and don't worry about being a ***** he needs someone tough to put him back to the real world

Answer 9

My opinion is this is bad news six ways to Sunday. Pick any of these as my thoght:

A) If you're trying to change your man, he's the wrong man (and you need to get past trying to change people, particularly your guy).

B) Why would you want 60 more years of his shiftless drama?

C) Didn't the "self-diagnosed ADHD" tell you all you need to know?

Answer 10

Sorry but there is no excuse for that crap. You should tell him to find work or another fiancee. If he is offended by the fact that he needs to work-help out and be responsibe you dont need him anyway! I would be so ashamed to be sponging of a lover. Totally uncool!