I have to get over being jealous. He buys only the best for her & expensive big things. Life changing things! 9 yrs. w/ him & I still live alone struggling. He won't marry me because he says I'm jealous of her and I tell him "Who wouldn't be"!. I have worked so hard all my life to come to the realization that what I'm still working for is given to a young girl by her dad, my boyfriend. The very same things a 50 yr old woman would die for today. Two brand new cars, semesters in Italy, trips to Europe, paid for renting an apt while in college for yrs & I can barely make my rent. He says it's not all about things and I know that, honestly, but what I've seen doesn't show that & it hurts. Why can't I belong? I have "blown up" at him many times & recently while on vacation &I ruined his & my time because of it. It was one too many times and he dumped me 3 days after we got home & said "we just don't get along". "you are jealous of my daughter & mad @ me". I cried when I left.
2006-09-14 19:56:03 · 15 answers · asked by herblacklab 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
His daughter is obviously a major focus. And well she should be! A man that takes such a great interest in the well being of his child chould be admired.
His parental instincts as a Father should be acknowleged! The relationship with YOU is a completely different matter on a plan of emotional need.
As his current partner, YOUR role is to support and comfort his desire to provide for his child. The worst thing in the world you could do for the sake of the relationship between YOU and HIM is to cause opposition and jealousy between you and the daughter.
You have to close the gap by invloving yourself in the interactions between him and his daughter. You "don't" belong because you have clearly distanced yourself from a man that has children in his life!
The focus of this relationship isn't about what YOU are NOT getting, but what he is giving to his daughter. And that is opportunity, advantage and means.
You have to become a "partner" in this! Your needs may seem secondary right now? But I assure you they are not!
Your boyfriends struggle to make both his daughter and his girlfriend happy is very arguementative for him.
I would say that if you truly want this man in your life then teach yourself to love and nurture his daughter as if she were your own.
You will find that he will give more to YOU due to the fact that you gave to HER. He will view you so much differently if you
Mothered his daughter, than opposed to her.
Just give this a thought....................
2006-09-14 20:27:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anna M 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's understandable to feel jealous at times of others, but it appears your boyfriend was showing you his affection and acknowledging you by taking you on a vacation. Perhaps the realization that you spoiled this trip by dwelling on his relationship w/his daughter might explain why he didn't do this more often w/you?
Life is too short to waste it on this green monster. Perhaps speaking to someone outside of your boyfriend about your feelings might help in letting go, and rising above it. Don't waste anymore time dwelling on "how your a loser" your losing time and energy Think positive Bigger Fish More Fun!!
2006-09-15 03:27:59 · answer #2 · answered by Lizart56 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you're asking the question too late - you've driven him away.
Why shouldn't this man give his daughter all those things, if he can afford them? Perhaps if you had managed to shut up about your jealousy, he would have married you years ago, and then he would have showered all those wonderful things on you, too.
Bottom line is, you should have dumped this guy long ago, when you realised he wasn't going to marry you. Now, get on the internet and sign up for some online dating sites and get out there again. Why online dating? Because you can check out before you contact any one, whether he has kids or not.
2006-09-15 03:08:43 · answer #3 · answered by Kylie 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think that you have every right to be feeling this way, your b/f is going waaaaaaaaay above and leaving you out in the cold. I think it's time that you move on. I understand that he wants the best for his daughter, but who the hell is she, Paris friggin Hilton, not having to do a damn thing and have daddy throw money at her. I'd get out of the relationship, and 9 years.......you should have had a wedding ring on your finger 8 years ago......
2006-09-15 03:01:28 · answer #4 · answered by Linda 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wait, 9 fricken years? That's like a decade! I think that he was just using you on the side for his needs. I don't think that he planned on being with you in marriage. Sounds like he was set in his ways and happy with his daughter and he was afraid to share that with somebody else. I think that it is good that it finally happened. Now you can move on and find happiness.
2006-09-15 03:09:44 · answer #5 · answered by amish_renegade 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Life isn't fair. Some people grow up with money and others don't. Some grow up with both parents and others don't. You are an adult and petty behavior like that you describe is childish. Either leave and find yourself someone without children, or get some therapy to get over inappropriate jealousy. With all your fussing, he is probably worried that your interest in him is all about his money.
2006-09-15 03:02:21 · answer #6 · answered by neniaf 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
you really need to move on, even if he come back to you, its never guna work unless he sees he's shutting you out, and i doubt he will ever change as you've said he's been like this for 9yrsget out now before you waste n e more time on this looser ....plenty more fish in the sea
good luck
2006-09-15 03:04:14 · answer #7 · answered by janine 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you can't learn to like his daughter you need to get out of there
2006-09-15 03:09:08 · answer #8 · answered by sarah_99bc 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
thats his daughter and his money.
I wouldnt mind if my dad could afford to do those things for me, heck, I would respect him more.
As long as he is not living above his means, its okay. She is going to college.
but it does seem like he is spoiling her. If his lifestyle doesnt seem to suit you , maybe its time to seek another man, you should not be so jealous.
2006-09-15 02:59:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Well I'm sorry but you are. Hang out with his daughter. And also apologize like you've never apologized before.
2006-09-15 03:01:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋