How do I ask her dad to marry her?

Question

My girlfriend and I of nearly 4 ½ years are getting engaged, and I want to ask her father for her hand in marriage. I know him pretty well, as she and I have grown up together - we both turned 18 a couple weeks ago. I just want to do this right, as it’s a once in a lifetime event. I was wondering if you all had any idea’s on were I should ask him (without her knowing about it) - and that possibly gives him a heads up as to what is going on. I would hate to catch him off guard, though I seriously doubt I will. How should I tell him? I don’t want it to seem like I’m asking for his permission, as we are both adults - but I want him to know that I respect him and his blessing matters. However, no matter what he says, I will be marrying her. How should I word it? Please don’t say ‘I want to marry your daughter’, cause that doesn’t help. Anyone who’s been in this situation before, please, help me out! Even if you haven’t, I could use the advice!

we have been together since we were kids, so please don't say that we shouldn't get married. we know what we are doing with our life, as well as who we are. we know that we are better together rather then apart.

IN RESPONSE to Diva's Questions

I currently live in a nice apparment, & pay for maintenence and utilities
I have a car and pay my insurance
I am nearly finished Trade School (electrition)
I was at my previous job for over a year and made 17$ and hour, I recently switched jobs for better health insurance for us and am now making 21$.
I have health insurance through my job, and am able to pay for my wifes deductible
we are both STRONG practicing christians, have gone to the same church since we were born, as will our future kids
she will stay home with the kids - something she has always wanted to do
we make enough money for bills AS WELL as savings
I'll handle finiances - her choice, as she dislikes working with money
we are both homebodies, but have friends that support us
neither one of us have been arrested, smoke or do drugs
and we always talk things out calmly, listen and compromise, and never stay angry - people hate us cause we while fight holding hands

Answer 1

You're girlfriend is lucky to have a man that still follows tradition and respects her parents. I'd say just ask him and be honest. Don't try and rehearse what you're going to say. I'd suggest to take him out to a nice dinner. If you want to make it more special, invite her mother too (if her parents are still married). The mother will feel included in this decision and she'll feel special. Tell her father (and mother, if she's there) that you love his daughter and that his blessings for the marriage, means a lot to you. He shouldn't have any negative things to say, if you make him feel as though his feelings matter. He'll love it.
Ps. It seems like, for knowing him pretty well, you seem too worried that he'll possibly say "no". Is there some background information between you and her father that you're leaving out?

Answer 2

I suggest you wait until you are both between 24 and 28 years old. I know this is NOT the answer you were looking for. However, you are way too young to get married.

You will both change a great deal over the next 6 to 9 years. Lets try to make this a once in a lifetime event. One marriage one lifetime. Increase your odds and wait.

Answer 3

you have just asked him in the perfect way right now.

ignore all answers..

take him this question of yours that says everything

if he were to see what you just wrote.. he would probaly sit down & shake his head & say.. good grief.. i can not imagine having a finer & more considerate son in law than this!

truthfulness is golden

candidly hand this (your entire question) to him
only your words !!
not what i am writing below them!!

... hand your note to him while politely saying

"i have been trying to ask people "this" because i want everything right. And no answer received was better than just showing you."

So you have just handed him this very question that you wrote. you needn't say anything more..

he will stand there & read it .
he will know it came from the inside of your heart.. you are telling all. (by "showing" him the goodness in your question)
& he will know that your question is far better
than any other answer ever could be

When it is time to politely walk away
he will still have the pleasure of holding your question in his hand
he will muse over it.. he will read it several times
he will eventually rejoice if not right away
and you are perfecty on your course
and your question "is" your perfect answer

& it also implys one "special extra" he will sense immediately.
and that is.

you intend to "show him" also in real life
(you intend to follow through beautifully)

anyone who would think to write a note that says exactly what you have word for word is bound to be a very good husband for life. your father in law is eventually going to become very proud of you. but i am thinking for sure.. he will become proud right away.

congradulations!! i have very much respect for you!

don't change a word.. don't change a comma..
"It is perfection in the hands of your future father in law" !!!
(all of your work has been done already)
feel the great relief, ...so thankful that you know his daughter in this special way.

& the only place you need to be when you hand the note to him is "modestly there" standing in front of his eyes.

i know i might have flowered this answer up a little bit..
but it's true.

your confidence will carry things through all the way
...i positively know it will

Answer 4

I think that is very sweet and romantic of you to want to ask your girlfriend's dad for her hand in marriage and really says a lot about you as a person.It says you respect and love her enough to marry her.You should ask him out for dinner,just the two of you and when you two are seated,approached the subject gently and look him directly in his eyes so that he will know you are sure of yourself. There's nothing like eye contact,you might even want to start the conversation off with small talk just to lighten the mood but I'm sure everything will be just fine if you show him you are serious.

Answer 5

I took my wifes dad out for lunch when he was at work, mainly because she still lived at home so I didn't want her to know. Don't prepare a big speech or try to remember what you are going to say...that never works. You said it pretty well in your post, but I wouldn't lay the big "I'm marrying her no matter what" line. Tell him you intend to ask her to marry her and you would like his blessing. If you want to give him a heads up you can tell him you want to talk to him about you and his daughters future. If he's not an idiot he should be able to figure it out.

Answer 6

Oh. That's so sweet and old-fashioned! Take him out to lunch. After the meal tell him, "So-and-so and I have been dating for over four years. I really love, her and I'd like to ask her to marry me. Your blessing would mean a lot to me, as I have a lot of respect for you."

Or something like that. Being straight-forward and confident is important. "I want to marry your daughter, and would like your blessing," is really about the best thing you could say, even if you don't think it's enough. Also, be prepared for him to say, "No," (dad's can be funny about their daughters, and he might want you guys to wait and go to college) or to tell you that it doesn't matter and you need to ask her, not him (this is 2006, after all).

Answer 7

Tell him exactly that, that you respect him greatly and knowing that he approves of you being with his daughter the rest of your life is something that you hold near and dear. You're not just marrying the girl, you're marrying into an entire family. Good luck.

Answer 8

OK EVERYONE -
read this before you post something about being too young, will you?

I met this man the day we were born, he was put in the crib next to mine, our parents discovered we lived minutes apart, and from that moment on, were joined-to-the-hip; instant best friends. Always at each others houses, always on the phone, always together - people use to make fun of us and tell us we were going to get married one day, and we would deny it, saying we were 'just friends'. Both of us were homeschooled, so we were constantly doing schoolwork together at our houses, and going on feild trips sitting side my side in our mothers mini-vans. I've had poor health all my life, and when I was 10, I was in the hospital...for like, the 20th time. Whenever I was there, he would be worried sick and insist on seeing me, so my parents would tell nurses he was my brother, because he was too young to visit me otherwise. He told me when we were alone in the room that he was going to take care of me the rest of our lives, because I was his best friend and he never wanted to loose me, he kissed me on the forehead, and whispered that he loved me. We planned our weddings out at 12, I was going to be his best woman, and him, my man of honor. We were going to move into a duplex house, and if our signifigant others didn't like it, then they weren't the ones for us. We stayed 'just friends' for another year, at which point things began to change noticably. I had had a crush on him for what seemed like forever, but was too afraid to tell him, because he was my best friend. So I kept quiet, and watched as other girls flirted with him and my heart broke. But whenever I would ask him if he liked any of them, he would always tell me no. One night, we went to a play together, and we held hands without realizing it...I started to wonder...could he maybe like me back? But I was too afraid to ask him, so I kept waiting and waiting for him to bring it up, and say that he meant in just a friendship way. However, a week later, he called me up as usual at night for our 3 hour long conversation (our parents gave us our own phone lines, just so we would stop tying up theirs), and told me that he had something important to tell me, and when he was finished, he was going to hang up the phone and call me back in an half hour. Immediatly, my heart started to pound...I hoped it was what I thought it was, but feared that it was that he had decided to go out with another girl. He admitted that he had fallen in love with me and hung up. I was overjoyed to the point were I ran around the house laughing hysterically and doing cartwheels, my parents thinking I was nuts. When he called me up, we discussed - very anlytically, may I ad - getting together, and decided to follow our hearts in the matter. We always talked about marriage and having kids after that point. We had our first kiss a couple months later on top of a ferris wheel, had our first make-out not too long after that, lol. He proposed to me at 14 in a love letter (we have over 400 inbetween both of us in a 4 1/2 year span), gave me a diamond ring at 16, and a few weeks after we turned 18, have decided to go ahead and make our engagement public. If that makes us immature, then so be it. But you have no idea what stuff we've been through, so don't call us 'too young.

Thats all.

Answer 9

tell your girlfriend to explain cause when ya explain it to him I think he'll say "get out of the house and never show your face to us ever
again for eternity."Don't get advice from me cause I'm only in the fouth grade.