should my husband cover up his tattoo of his ex's son(not his biological) now that we have a baby boy together

Question

my husbands ex got pregnant when they were together and he didnt know if it was his or her ex from previous. so after she had it it was not my husbands it was her ex. my husband stayed with her for almost 2 years (real rocky) and he got a tattoo becasue he wanted to stay close to the baby since he was hoping it was his. the boy has hisboth parents in his life and they share custody.i have been with my husband and 8 years have gone by and my husband and married in 02 and now have a baby boy. he is 13 months and i am worried he will ask why is some other kid is tattooed on his arm. also it is irritating that everyone asks is that your son on your hubbys arm and it is someone elses kid. it was an act that was not properly thought out and the portrait tattoo would be an easy cover up. we do still keep in contact with the boy, but not like a father /son, which my husband has now realized since he has created his own. he realizes the mistake, and it is a touchy subject.

Answer 1

Touchy situation. I am a tattoo artist and well knowledged of tattoos meaning and history since my great grandfather, grandfather, and father are all tattoo artists. The real issue is how close are him and the child. Tattoos of his nature are meaningfull and a representation of his feelings. Erasing the tattoo is like erasing a part of his life and feelings. He should only erase it if he is ready to erase that part of his life.

Answer 2

The reality of the answer is it should all be down to your husbands decision. While it may be a touchy subject you must understand his state of mind at the time. He sure did make a mistake and im sure while he was with his ex he intended to bring up the kid as his own. That alone is an admirable feat which a lot of men would not do. You must admire him for it and im sure it is this and a lot of other things that make you love and adore him. I think you need to be a bit more understanding when brooching the subject. He may be thinking that you are being on the attack and then this turns into and arguement and then the situation flares up and then it is left alone and forgotten and then cycle begins again but nothing is sorted.

At the moment you are lucky as the child is so young and unable to understand the situation that is arising because of the tattoo. Im sure the price of a cover-up tattoo may be a little expensive and when a child is that young there is so many worthwhile luxuries that could be bought instead.

When the subject of the tattoo comes up again with family or friends who have not seen it, just say it was your husbands ex wifes child be truthful because there is no shame in the circumstance. People only view shame when they see the awkwardness. Or maybe make a joke of it and say you want to see his other tattoos.

Answer 3

You sound like you have a good relationship with your husband right now. Continue to enjoy and focus on your family life, bring up your baby in a happy environment. It is more important that you and your husband remain strong and secure in this relationship. Since there is no legal bind with this other boy I think that makes things less complicating. Since you are still in contact with this other boy, your son will grow up knowing him as well. So, the truth will eventually come out, with or without the tattoo. Is it a big problem if the truth does come out? And the truth is that the boy isn't his.

If your husband feels that he has no emotional ties with the boy and mother, then why is the subject touchy? Do you want to keep in touch with this boy? If not, then you'll have a problem there.

By the way, tattoos are fuzzy images especially through time. Just say it is your baby if any asks, if your husband don't mind that. Events in our life works out unexpectedly and this tattoo might be of that other boy, but it might actually be of his future son without him knowing it. Which is yours and his! Consider the odds, he could have had a baby girl tattoo!!

He can always get it lasered out, if he wants to.

I'd say concentrate on your own family unit and create a happy one for all. Nothing will break it apart.

Answer 4

Biological or not, your husband considered this little boyt o be his child. Someday this child may decide his "real" parents aren't so great and only want to have your husband as his dad. This all happened before you were in the picture. You have nothing to be jealous of. When someone asks who the boy is when they see the tattoo, respond saying that it is a child that is very important to your husband. Anyone who doesn't know you won't really care. Anyone who knows you already knows the story behind it. If you still keep in touch with this child, then your own little boy will know this child and will grow up with his in his life. As long as your husband gets a tattoo for your little boy, then your son shouldn't really question it as he gets older. When he is old enough, have your husband explain the situation that cause him to get that tattoo of the other child. This will help your son understand what his dad has gone through, and also will help him be able to make decisions as an adult regarding tattoos of peoples name or images.

Answer 5

I would definitely ask him to cover it up. yeah, it may be a part of his past...but it's also just plain weird. I would be pissed if my husband had a tattoo of his ex's baby on him....or anything of his ex's for that matter. Exes should be forgotten and left in the past where they belong. Afterall, they are an "EX" for a reason. Since he has no ties whatsoever to that child...and really isn't even close to the kid anymore.....he shouldn't have some other man's baby tattooed on him...I'm sure the baby's real father wouldn't like it either. ---I have found though that we as women tend to read WAY more into a man's actions then we should....to him it was just a silly mistake and he doesn't mean to hurt you by keeping it there....but to you it is disrespectful and hurtful because you now have your own child together....you should both try to see each others take on the subject and reach a conclusion that will make BOTH of you happy....since that is what marriage is all about anyway.

Answer 6

Why do you get irritated when people ask about it? Your husband most likely did not think this out . I think you would find it rather sweet that your husband has such a sensitive side to him. Most men would like to rather not have been the father, your husband was longing to be one so much he tattooed this child's portrait on him, now you have a child together and maybe he would like his biological sons portrait too. I think it shows what a loving father he will be. Don't cover it up it makes for a wonderful story when the boys are older.

Answer 7

You could look at it, in two ways: biological or not, he obviously bonded with the boy enough to tattoo the boy on him. Being that the boy has both parents in his life, I would back off. If the tattoo of the boy is visible to others, i would ask him to remove it, on the other hand, if it's not visible to others, i wouldn't push for him to remove it as much. As a mother, i could understand how you would feel about the tattoo, when he has a son of his own. Your husband must be a good man, if he can bond with a child, that isn't his biologically, imagine how good he will be, with a child that is.

Answer 8

I am just wondering how your husband feels about his tattoo. He did and still does have an attachment to the boy, and the tattoo may be important to him. I would not push the issue. If he keeps the tattoo, in a couple of years suggest another tattoo, this one of the son you have together.
My husband has two awful tattoos he got before I met him. He knows that they are awful but, they have meaning to him. I don't ask and he rarely offers any in site to them. That is his past and I was not a part of it. Therefore I have no opinion. Just know that your husband has room in his heart for all of you.

Answer 9

I wouldn't think that he "should" do anything, unless it's what he feels right about doing...if anything, if he wants to keep the current tattoo maybe he would decide that getting one with your sons name as well would make his son feel as important as the other boy. You really shouldn't be taking it so personally, it has nothing to do with you. Your husband probably really loved that boy when he believed he was his son, and that feeling for a child does not just go away whether it's your child or not. Be happy you have a husband who is so loyal to his commitments that he feels conflicted.

Answer 10

If he wants to he should... I mean if the tattoo is something that he feels is still special to him then he should keep it. he obvously has a bond wtith that boy... While it's difficult for you you did chose to marry him and start a family with him. You took on his future and accepted his past... I dnt know maybe he should get your son tattooed to him also...