My wife has almost no sex drive. I have tried all kinds of things like dimin the lights or lighting some candles.i tried some foreplay and still nothing. It hurts her really bad when i try to go in. What am i doin wrong?? Any help would be great. SERIOUS ANSWERS ONLY PLEASE
2006-09-14 17:16:23 · 36 answers · asked by fastacc0rd 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
for a second i could swear this was my husband asking LOL...........i relate to your wife ALOT, i have nooooo sex drive at all, especialy since i had my baby, who is gonna be 2 in three months..........ITS NOT YOU........it you didnt bug for it so much and just be cool, maybe she will have a chance to want You...but if you like my husband then you are all up on her 24/7 and dont give her a chance to want for it...................also, you can try by eatin the cooch if she lets you......that will almost guarantee you the chance to dip..
2006-09-14 17:21:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find out what all the other guys are doing to make her hot.
But seriously, you haven't given enough information to make a valid assessment. Is this a recent change? Was there sex before marriage and was it ok? How long have you been together? Has there been a "cataclysmic" event in your/her life/lives, etc.
If it's always been like this, she needs to first see a GP and see whether it's physical. If not, she (or both of you) may need to see a therapist. Good luck.
In re-reading your post, you're sending mixed messages. First, you say she has a low sex drive, then you say penetration hurts her. Are the two related? Is it possible she's just saying it hurts so that she won't have to submit? Or is she turned on but she shys away because of the pain?
Does she secret natural lubricant when you attempt sex? Vaginal pain and low sex drive are separate things. Please clarify.
2006-09-14 17:18:16 · answer #2 · answered by vinny_the_hack 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may be a medical problem and not anything that is your fault. All sorts of medical issues can cause decreased sex drive. Depression, thyroid problems, certain medications, environmental issues, cancer, or past history of rape or abuse can all cause lack of sex drive. Your wife should probably see her doctor for a complete physical and review any medications for potential side effects. If she is having pain, then it could be a physical medical issue or an emotional one.
If she is suffering from chronic depression, it is not something that you have caused or that is a result of the life you share. Depression is hereditary and can cause so many other ailments and pain.
If she is having pain, then no amount of candles or foreplay is going to help. She just needs your patience and support. She may have some past trauma that you are not even aware of. You should try and speak with her calmly and explain that you love her and you miss being intimate with her. Tell her that you do not want her to be in pain and that you want to work with her so she can enjoy making love with you. Let her know that you are willing to go to counseling with her if needed. Do not yell at her or be angry with her. Do not pressure her...this will only worsen things.
2006-09-14 18:03:12 · answer #3 · answered by cowgirl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she's tense to begin with. I have a similar problem. My husband is getting extremely frustrated and frankly so am I. He feels rejected and is getting afraid to even touch me b/c he doesnt want to hurt me. I feel that there is something wrong with me. Once you have a physically painful experience your body is going to resist that. This most likely makes your wife even MORE tense, waiting for the pain to start. She's probably so fixed on what's coming that she cant relax. I'm assuming you've tried a lubricant like Astroglide or KY? Also, I dont know if you both consume alcohol, but having one glass of wine does loosen up the body and the mind. Another thing you may try is only kissing, without the "S-E-X" looming over the moment. Touch is very important too. Not "there" and "there" in bed beforehand, but placing your hand on the small of her back to help her through a door or when you're passing in the hallway. One kiss on the nape of her neck while she's doing something and does not expect it. Stuff like that.
You may also want to speak to a physician or a reputable therapist. I dont know how open you both are with this.
Good luck. I know it's upsetting for both of you.
2006-09-14 17:32:28 · answer #4 · answered by hol_girl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try lubricant
Try being romantic with her. Brush her hair wash, her hair. Give her a non sexual massage. Hold hands with her and take her on a date. Do everything with her except sex and just get her turned on. Then just go to sleep.
Be kind to her and cuddle her. Just be really loving. Kiss her really loving and passionately. Watch love stories together. Not porn. Ask her patiently what is wrong. Go for counselling and take her to the doctor. Listen to her and go slow with sex with her. Ask her all along the way. Have her direct the sex with you and be in charge of the speed. Draw her a warm bath. listen to her about her day.
You may not be doing anything wrong, but she may just need help. She might be small inside. She might have been abused. It could be anything, but you need to work this out as a couple. Just be kind. this could really work out for you if you work through it. Just be the kindest most loving caring person you can.
Good luck and best wishes. It is good you care. That is a big start.
2006-09-14 22:49:47 · answer #5 · answered by adobeprincess 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If penetration hurts her this may be a medical problem of some sort. Not medical per say pharmaceutical drugs are needed such as Viagra or Cealis etc. It could be something as simple as a minor chiropractic adjustment.
Think of it this way, did you ever have a pain in your shoulder that wouldn't go away? One day it bothered you so bad that you stretched in all different directions trying to get the pain to go away and then you felt a POP! and the shoulder didn't hurt anymore.
This may be the problem your wife is having (not so simplistic). Only a chiropractor can tell for sure or he/she may be able to offer suggestions or recommendations to address this problem.
2006-09-14 17:39:41 · answer #6 · answered by dreamsong67 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no offense but u can only boost her sex drive if SHE wants it boosted.
I have the same thing as her and i havent had sex for 8 months, giver her time and she should eventually come around.
You could ask her if she stimulates herself wen u arent around cause that can cause disinterest.
It could also be [possible she is suffering with abuse from a previous relationship or childhood trauma. I suggest u communicate as that is waht women crave more than sex.
She may also have some sort of femal problem like ovarian cancer or endimetriosis or something due to the pain or it could just be trauma as well.
Have her get a checkup just to b sure
2006-09-14 17:20:46 · answer #7 · answered by tanya 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she has pain then definitely get her to go see a docor asap. Then get a referal for a gynochologist. Maybe take it really slow & it wont hurt so much. Her doctor maybe able to recommend something to increase it. Being worn out & stress can be a factor to it, also the pill can also be a big factor, may be worth changing pills. There are also natural vitamins that can help, such as Horny Horny Goat Weed, & wild for women. Alot of women just take wild for women for energy.... Also foods such as
become more familiar.
Also take care of her for a day, run her a bath, give her a massage, do some chores that she has to do...
Eringoes (the Sea holly, Eryngium maritimum)
Oysters
Potatoes
Tomatoes
Pine nuts ([1])
& Strawberries help
2006-09-14 17:29:15 · answer #8 · answered by idk 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That used to happen with me and my husband, i wanted it but it hurt. I dont know about your wife but what helped me was douching. Also, ALOT of foreplay with me starting out on top. I know it sounds weird but it works for us. I douche once a month, after my peroid. Summers eve water and vinegar. A 4 pack is 1.94 at walmart. Good luck.
Also, i read above that someone sugested K-Y Jelly. NO! That is mostly used for anal lubricant. Me and my husband used it, it is a WASTE of money. It gets sticky and does nothing but make it worse.
2006-09-14 17:21:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The key was that it hurts her when you "go in". Has it always been this way? If not, there are most likely medical problems such as hormone change, endometriosis, etc. There is nothing a man can do if it is one of the above. She needs understanding and an urge to see her OB/GYN.
2006-09-14 17:21:22 · answer #10 · answered by naughty_mattress_monkey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She may need a trip to the dr...often hormones get screwed up but other than that you need to make yourself someone she wants to have sex with. In the beginning you did whatever it took to get there, now you light a candle and think she should faint away with desire. If you aren't having good days you will not have good nights. For women the desire for sex is in their minds, not their pants.
2006-09-14 17:24:00 · answer #11 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋