My husband has a hang up of keeping "score" on who does what in our marriage. I think this isn't right and that it really does more harm than good. Why can't he be glad for the things I do as a wife without the score card out on who does "more"? This is really hurting our marriage and really pisses me off.
2006-09-14 15:16:24 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes, I agree, this is not healthy for a marriage. I don't care for the argument that "men are competitive" because in a marriage, competition with the spouse is childish. U need to sit him down and tell him that if u two are ever going to be happy, he needs to dispense of the scorecard once and for all.
2006-09-14 15:29:39 · answer #1 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After being married for 18 years, it has been my experience that men do keep "score' and remember the stats all to well. This is something I noticed in my marriage and that of a few of our married friends relationships. It's also part of the reason I'm getting divorced, because the arguing about whom did what and when always leads to other sometimes bigger arguments. The best advice I could give you would be A.) don't let it get to you -be the bigger person B.) keep the score even or C.) pick a time when you're not pissed about it to start a conversation about how it really bothers you and why, without being argumentative. Men have fragile egos, sad but true
2006-09-14 22:28:15 · answer #2 · answered by tinkerbelle 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Well, sweetheart, MY point system says that cooking dinner is worth 30 points -- so you owe me one garbage trip and two clean windows." Mock his system and his urge to keep score.
A lot of people keep a mental tally because they believe a relationship should be an agreement between equals. It's probably common in people who have siblings and had to share the chores.
And in this, he may be discontent on several levels and he feels that if he can joke a little and chide you some that it won't hurt your feelings, not wanting you to think he doesn't care about you, but does want you to respond with responsibilities.
If you've read the book The Princess Bride, Buttercup's father keeps a running tally on his and his wife's pot shots, it's pretty funny.
AND .... watch it with that "all men" stuff, babycakes.
2006-09-14 22:27:37 · answer #3 · answered by wrathofkublakhan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that it is a male thing. My husband has score card for "stupid".
He remembers everything that I have ever done durng our relationship that he thinks is stupid. And during arguements if I say that I'm not stupid then one or more of those incidents are coming back to bite me in the butt once again.
His answer to this is, "Don't be stupid."
I think that it is a control thing. Maybe even a fear of being less than their wives. Could be that your husband just wants you to know what he does to help you. He just has a piss poor way to show it.
If you think that this is what it is sit down and explain to him that you see and appreciate the things that he does for you and the ways that he helps you out. But you don't appreciate the way he goes about telling you.
I could be wrong, but it's food for thought.
2006-09-14 22:41:31 · answer #4 · answered by tabberlynn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first of all I doubt that he is the only one keeping score, if he was then he wouldn't need to keep score. Second off therapy is always an option.
2006-09-14 22:20:08 · answer #5 · answered by therazorsback 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to understand Men are competitors by nature. We do not mean to be ignorant, or selfish but it is the way we are. What you have to do is find something you are better at and do more of hten when he pulls the score card you pull your scorecard. When he see's that you are fighting back he will back down and do it less. Trust me this is the way we are.
2006-09-14 22:23:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cut it out. I had this problem with my husband. It's hard to be the first to quit doing this, but it will only get worse if you don't. Do as much as you can, and if you can't get to it today, do it tomorrow. Never expect someone else to pick up the slack, or you'll always be disappointed
2006-09-14 22:21:52 · answer #7 · answered by Untitled 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't that piss you off ? I know . they come in and go , Honey I cleaned the kitchen today. And you go < guess what I do it at least twice a day. should I announce it every time I clean the frickin kitchen.So Now I do . Guess what I took out the trash just now> Try it It'll shut him up.
2006-09-14 22:21:49 · answer #8 · answered by joy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is what you do, pretend like you don't care about the score card anymore and when he's sleeping tear it up and throw it away.
2006-09-14 22:18:38 · answer #9 · answered by Lady G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
because some men really like to be the boss. when i posted my question why do men act like babies im really sorry i meant some men this is one of the things i was refering to and my man does what he wants and when, so i really dont know what makes them act like that. hang in there, play along with him. hopefully things will get better.
2006-09-14 22:26:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋