Ok I have done the first and second paragraph's of my essay. Please tell me what need's to be changed or any other constructive ciriticism. Mainly focus on the second paragraph, the intro is pretty good I think.
2006-09-14 14:30:29 · 8 answers · asked by x64impalassx 2 in Education & Reference ➔ Homework Help
Imagine a world just like “The Day After Tomorrow”. Tsunami’s engulfing entire cities, earth quakes splitting roads apart, and hail the size of baseballs. Global warming is causing numerous radical changes in earth’s climate. These natural disasters may have a man-made cause but becoming pro-active can prevent a Hollywood movie from becoming reality.
2006-09-14 14:32:55 · update #1
Did you know that America produces more carbon dioxide then China, Japan, and India combined? Coal plants are to blame for more then 40% of our carbon dioxide. Coal plants consume fossil fuels so we can’t rely on them. Secondly, Cars are producing massive amounts of pollution. For every single gallon of gasoline you use 20 pounds of carbon dioxide is emitted. Furthermore, Land clearing and Agriculture contribute to pollution. Agriculture uses many harmful chemicals such as pesticides, fertilizer, etc which create methane, another chemical that is bad for the environment. Jungles are being destroyed to make room for farms, which means there are fewer trees’s to absorb carbon dioxide.
2006-09-14 14:33:08 · update #2
sorry about that
2006-09-14 14:33:29 · update #3
Also take your time I dont choose whoever is first to get a good answer
2006-09-14 14:35:00 · update #4
I read both paragraphs of your essay. All the following address grammatical errors I found. Please don't be offended. No one is forcing you to make every single one of these changes.
Paragraph #1:
sentence 1: delete "just"; try "like the movie" instead of "just like"
2: "Tsunamis" (no apostrophe)
3: comma after "numerous"
4: try "may be man-made" instead; comma before "but"; "proactive" (one word)
Paragraph #2:
1: "than", not "then"
2: "than", not "then"; plants that grow coal? try "processing plants"
3: comma before "so"
4: try beginning with "Also, cars produce"
5: comma after "use"
6: "land", not "Land"; "agriculture", not "Agriculture"
7: try "chemicals, such as pesticides and fertilizers, which"
8: "trees" (no apostrophe)
So paragraph #2 flows better, I suggest you move sentence 8 in front of sentence 7.
Re-analyze sentence 3, paragraph #2. Why can't we depend on fossile fuels? Isn't coal a fossil fuel? Who does "we" refer to (you and me or the entire human race)? This arguement seems weak because there is no back up explaination.
The essay topic is sound, and your arguements are good. However, you don't mention pollution in paragraph #1, but it's everywhere in paragraph #2. Maybe you should throw in a sentence stating that pollution causes global warming.
2006-09-14 15:04:27 · answer #1 · answered by friskydoodle 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Minor corrections: earthquakes is one word, the 'but' (...cause but becoming...) should be an 'and' since the two concepts aren't contradictory.
"Coal plants consume fossil fuels so we can’t rely on them." Explain why, eg: "fossil fuels, which will soon run out, so we can't rely on them". Also, a brief explanation of why "Land clearing and Agriculture contribute to pollution." and how "harmful chemicals...create methane" would also improve things. Finally, 'trees' is already a plural, calling them trees's might really annoy a fussy teacher.
2006-09-14 22:03:19 · answer #2 · answered by Linton 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
opening paragraph is great, it poses a great theory. second paragraph needs work. first off if you are going to put information like percentages or such, you need to quote your source. also, keep on a single subject.....ie:since your second paragraph is about fuel sources, stick to that. make the agricultural effects a seperate paragraph. final thing (and im not one to compare to) is capitolization and punctuation. etc. needs a period because it is an abbreviation. land should not be capitolized because it is not the beginning of a sentence, or a noun. but overall, very well thought out paper.
2006-09-14 21:44:30 · answer #3 · answered by Littlemman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you must use footnotes to substantiate the claims you use. Otherwise I would question the "facts" you provide as "true (or false).
2006-09-14 21:58:15 · answer #4 · answered by MrZ 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Are you going to post your essay so we can read it and give you advice?
2006-09-14 21:31:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is really good. Honestly, i dont think there is much you should/could change
2006-09-14 21:46:17 · answer #6 · answered by theatreis4life 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u didnt put the essay down...............................
2006-09-14 21:32:17 · answer #7 · answered by sourz123 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
where is it???
2006-09-14 21:31:52 · answer #8 · answered by mighty_power7 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋