my sister died?

Question

i have been left with her sons no kids of my own i dont know how to treat them

i no it sounds like movie but please trust me its not

Answer 1

sweetie
treat them like you treated them when she was alive...they need you now....i admire you for taking them on...kids can be diffcult at the best of times too...watch out for the mischief...lol....also dont be too lenient with them, but be firm, make sure they know that your taking care of them and they have to abide by rules, if they create a fuss just do what your sis would have done, it must be scarey for you, especially not having kids of your own, you'll be fine, go to play school or some kind of childrens organization with them, there will be lots of other parents there with their kids, you'll soon know how to treat them, give them plenty of hugs, cuddles and reassurance, give them love and security, right now they need you....good luck....

Answer 2

Treat them with the same kindness, respect, and love you would show a child of your own. However even though you will be raising these children and bringing them into adulthood do not try to replace their mother. You will have to put a balance between being the loving aunt they know and now their primary care giver which will be hard for all of you to adjust to. If the kids are old enough sit them down and tell them that you love them and want what is best for them but you have no clue to raising a child so they are going to have to be patient with you and you will all learn together. Try to keep their routine as normal as possible and get them into some counceling and yourself as well. It is a lot to take on raising children that aren't yours and you didn't ask for no matter how much you love them. Get other family involved so that you can still have time for you. The main things any child needs is love and discipline. You can give them all the material things in the world but without love they will never really be happy, and remember all parents have to start somewhere none of us knew exactly what to do in the beginning we learned as we went along and you will to. I am sorry about your sister but you are a good sister and aunt to take on her children.

Answer 3

Sorry about your sister, I love mine and I can't imagine how hard it must be to cope with the loss, and taking on her children. you are very brave!
I don't know where you live, but in the UK there are plenty of parenting skills classes you could take. If that's not possible, the best 2 books I ever read on parenting are 'how to be a better parent' by Cassandra Jardine and 'parent time' by mark and Lindsay Meluish.
Would you also consider asking a church for help and support? Some churches run parent groups, have great clubs on a Sunday morning and would be a great place to meet friendly people. You have to be careful which church you pick, I can recommend new frontiers because I know they are safe places to be. I'll give you the link. You don't have to be a Christian to get help here.

Answer 4

I am so sorry, I know what that is like because I lost my own sister just under two years ago. As everyone here says, you need to treat them as your own (although I appreciate you don't have that experience) give them as much love as you can, but set them boundaries as it would be very easy to spoil them after losing their mum. Believe me, kids appreciate some discipline( I used to work with kids and I have a Psychology degree). One of the most important things is not to sweep yours, and their, grief under the carpet. Recognise their grieving, as well as your own. It won't be easy dealing with their grief, when you are grieving too. Don't be too proud to accept any help you are offered from family and friends - you will need all the help you can get. And lastly get them into a routine as quickly as possible to make them feel secure. Good luck, I hope it works out for all of you and you get through this terrible time.

Answer 5

I am so sorry to hear about your sister. My condolences go out to you and her children.
There is no right or wrong way to raise kids as long it is done with love, firmness and boundaries. I am sure you will be able to fly by the seat of your pants, so to speak, and do what is right for you and them. Make sure they are fed, clothed and each of them gets a big hug and kiss from you every day. Tell them you love them and will be there for them, no matter what. Isn't that what you would want if the situation were reversed? And remember, you are no longer their aunt, you are their parent. Don't try to be cool, be faithful and true to their needs.
Financially speaking, get signed up on Social Security for them if their father is also passed away. If he is still in the picture but does not want them or for some reason cannot care for them, get signed up on TANF at the local Department of Human Services so their physical needs can be met.
Good luck, and I hope everything works out.

Answer 6

Aaaww honey ... i am so sorry about your loss. I dont want to compare your life to a movie - but honestly ... watch 'Raising Helen', (with Kate Hudson), hopefully it will help you see things in a different light.

Patience is also the key, remember the children are suffering as well.

Take it a step at a time, God (and your sister) wanted no one other than you to look after those children xx

Bless you & take care!
Good luck

Answer 7

Oh! sorry for the loss but the Greatest comforter is God who has promised a ressurection hope-John chapter 5 verse 28. So, with ur trust in Him, He surely support you to be able to treat them well coz He is a rewarder of a fatherless boy and girl and moreso, He knows why the responsiblity of caring for your sister's sons came to. You can do it... so, embrace it with hope.

Answer 8

try not to think about treating them any different than if they were your own if you try too hard it can give them mixed signals about their parentage i would ask a neighbour with children or a close friend about what its like to have children and what they would do if their own children did something well or were naughty you could look back on their lives and how you've seen them grow up get to know them and their hobbies and friends soon you'll start to know them as a mother would and the rest will come naturally bless you dear for you've taken up a very selfless and hard task raising someones children i svery admirable and i wish you the best

Answer 9

I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. This entire situation must be very difficult on you. With the boys, just treat them with much love, they have to be having a difficult time dealing with their mother's death. Look into getting them help psychologically. Don't forget discipline with the boys, they'll respect you more for it in the long run. They won't hate you, although they may say they do. Just do what's in your heart. Listen to that little voice in your head.

Answer 10

Treat them the way that you would want to be treated if you were a kid and your mom died. It's probably really hard for them right now, and if I were you, I would just love them, and take care of them the best way that you know how.