every day i still think of what he did to me? is there something wrong with me?

Question

as you read through my questions, i told you that my husband cheated on me with a hooker and everyday i am still hurting from what he did. somehow he gets irritated that i keep telling him i am hurt.. i am not mad.. i am just hurt... i want to forget but its not easy. is there something wrong with me? what can i do to not bug him of my pain? how can this pain go?? :(

Answer 1

It does not sound as if you have forgiven him. You only stated that you are not mad at him. You will not move forward without forgiveness. And you will never forget, but you can move pass it. Things with him will never be the same. You can grow from this if you deal with it instead of trying to relive the hurt every time you bring it up to him. Did you two discuss why this even happened in the first place. You have to make sure that you don't carry the feeling that it was your fault. Make a decision to move past this thing and forgive him (which for me would be extremely hard). Once you have made that decision, leave it alone, don't pick it back up and move on. If you choose not to forgive him, you need to move on without him because your relationship won't be worth having.

Answer 2

Cheating damages a marriage. How much? Sometimes it destroys the marriage, sometimes the marriage survives, but the marriage IS changed. So, your husband gets "irritated" when you say that you are hurt, because he screwed a hooker. Oh, the pooooor guy. Such a burden. Lady, he just wants you to forget, or at least shut up about the fact that he behaved in a scummy fashion. So, you just swallow your hurt, and shut up about hooker boy. Golly, he shouldn't need to feel bad, just cuz he got caught cheating. And YOUR pain? Unimportant- as long as hubby isn't "bugged".

Answer 3

I have to agree with a few others on this, it is going to take time to really be able to get over this. IMO, you should do at least two things: 1) tell him that no matter what, you will need some time before you can really pu tthis behind you. As the offending party, he hardly has the right to complain about that, in fact, he literally brought it upon himself because its not even something you get to choose; its just part of being human. 2) try to honestly assess your feelings and see if you really are just hurt or if there is some anger within you. Frankly, I cannot see how you couldn't have at least some anger in you, but then again, you may well be a better person than I am.

Answer 4

Nothing is wrong with you, its only human that you feel hurt and betrayed. What hurt the most is that he cheated with a HOOKER. That probaly make you feel less of a woman. Dont worry though pain goes away, 2 years from now it will just be a distant memory. Go and buy something nice for yourself and keep reminding yourself that you are a beautiful woman and the fact that he cheated has nothing to do with you he is the one with the problem.

Answer 5

Oh I feel so bad for you. Are there children in the marriage? If yes, you are willing to accept his infidelity? If no, have you thought of leaving him? I know these things can be worked out, but I don't know if I could live with it. I would picture it, I would wonder what they did, I would always wonder if I am as good as she was in bed, the questions can go on and on, it would drive me nuts!!
You probably will never get over it. If it happened recently don't expect to just shut off the pain and he better not expect it either.

Time will heal the pain, but even if you decide to leave him one day because of it or you find out he did it again, it will still always be a little painful.
So sorry, be strong.

Answer 6

Someone once brought up the concept that perhaps the woman may not be giving her husband what he wanted? Perhaps he needed that which can be gained from this stranger? What would be the reason why he went to her (of all people!), the family therapist wanted wives to ask themselves? I'm not saying anything, but she does have a slight point worth considering.
A man once was caught sending emails to another woman. The contents showed that theirs was only a lust thing, something he couldn't find in his marriage. So the family and relationship therapist told the wife that she needs to remedy it. We here don't know anything else except what you have put up. We can only suggest. After all, you asked if there's something wrong.

Answer 7

There is nothing wrong with you - he was the one who crossed the line the coward's way instead of facing issues with you and trying to deal with them before going off on his own. No marriage is perfect but he needs to take some responsibilty. Check out book "Not 'Just Friends'" - it hurts but the first few chapters described my cheater to a T - wish I had this info before my trusted one broke that bond. It's not quite been a month for me since 'confrontation' time and he's still lying and hiding things, so I'm not too optimistic at present. I still love him but he says he doesn't love me, so maybe I should take the hint. Vent away, sister!

Answer 8

dont even go there....he needs to hear how you feel...he did the durt to hurt you and he could at leastr be nice enough tolisten to how you feel...why would you go back w/ a man like that there are so many out there that would do you so much better...an there is nothing wrong w/ you feeling the way you do .......you have been a gpood wife an your husband has betrayed you and wount even be considerate enough to listen to the way you feel....so my advice to you is dont try to find a way to fix your self......tell him he better find a way to fix him....o an keep in mind once a cheater always a cheater you need to leave him let him find out that the hoocker he messed around w/ wont care for him near as muc as you have an that no one would have put up w/ a much **** as you have and he needs to relize and appriciate you more or your gone....stand up for your self dont put up w/ his lies and dont let him use you as a door mat please if you need any more advice or anything at all email me or intiant message me any time day or night an i will awnser back asap i hope EVERYTHING works out for you an you have a wonderful life so bye bye for now =)

Answer 9

Dee the trust is gone, and if there is no trust then the relationship will deteriorate. There is nothing wrong with you, the problem lies with your husband. In reading your other questions, there are the other possibilities - Divorce, separation or working as a Nurse. Good Luck with your problem. Here is a hug for you.

Answer 10

My wife cheated on me years ago. The key point to getting past it is that he realizes what he has done and confesses with all of his heart that he is truly sorry. He needs to hear all of your pain but he also needs to take responsibility for it. He must realize that the trust is gone and be willing to do whatever you need him to do to get that trust back. Until then you will continue to hurt. Good luck.