My mother was friends with this boy for one year in jr. high, she liked him.
They are 50 years old now.
About 5 years ago she found him and they started spending a lot of time together.
They talk on the phone all of the time, go to dinner, spend the entire saturday together, go to the movies, etc.
My doesn't have a boyfriend and this guy is married with 3 kids!
His wife of 15 years hates my mom and recently told her husband to cut of their friendship or she would leave him.
My mom said they weren't cheating (nothing physical), but this guy was spending more time with my mom than his wife and kids!
I think his wife should have left his loser cheating ***!
What do you think?
Is it cheating?
2006-09-14 12:58:39 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Looks like it. Whether emotional or not, their friendship is very inappropriate, especially since the man's wife expressed her disapproval of it. Your mother should stay out of their relationship.
2006-09-14 13:05:04 · answer #1 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In some respects marriage is a very tall order. The days are gone when we married for mutual survival, now we expect nothing less than a soul mate who has to provide for all our emotional and physical needs for the rest of our time on earth. Its hapdly surprising that at some point in a long marriage, we chance across someone else who we find we can love as well. Please dont beat yourself up over this - I wonder how many people at the end of their life can honesty say they have never been attracted to someone else. Probably very few. However, the problem is where this is going to lead. Beleive me, although it is not physical now in any way, if you carry on it will eventually become so. The emotions you are feelings are going to intensity the further down this path you walk. The attraction, the guilt, the mental torture, the shame, the excitement, everything you are experiencing now will just get stronger and stronger. Eventually you will get to the unthinkable question - are you prepared to give up everything and leave your husband for this man? If yo still love yor husband as you clearly do, the choice may drive you to a mental breakdown. If you're strong and give this man up, or if the other guy decides to stop it, how are you going to hide your grief at the loss from your husband. You are already in it too far to turn back. But there's one red flag, and a huge one, which is your saying that he promised you a future but you dont buy it. That sounds like a hint of suspicion that he's not as into you as he makes out. Or that he's exaggerating, fantasising, and you dont believe he'll follow through. How much do you really know about him? He might be a serial womaniser. I think the thing to do is come clean with your husband. You haven't committed a crime, no adultery has taken place. Obviously he wont be pleased, but the 2 of you need to look at your marriage together, maybe in the setting of relationship conselling, and work as a team to repair it. A relationship consists of 2 people, you can't put your marriage right on your own. With luck the 2 of you will ulitmately welcome this event as the catalyst that brought the 2 of you closer.
2016-03-27 01:42:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, he is cheating, and your mother is allowing it.
First, he is cheating his wife out of a healthy & wholesome relationship and secondly, he is cheating his kids out of a father figure.
It is okay for him to be friends with your mom but he has gone past the limit. If he is spending all of his time with your mom, there is obviously something going on.
Your mom, being a woman herself, should restrain from their friendship or spend a lot less time with him, so that he can be happily married.
2006-09-14 13:13:33 · answer #3 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your Mom is flirting with fire here... Yes she can be friends with this man.. but she has no right to spend the time with this man that needs to be with his family... Sounds like he is trying to find a way to get out of his marriage... Or is looking for fling on the side.... Your mother just might find herself in the middle of a court battle.... She needs to stop and think... What if the shoes were on the other foot... Would she want her husband spending all his time with the "OTHER" woman ????
2006-09-14 13:03:31 · answer #4 · answered by levita45 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Emotionally Yes. However you have to remember they are grown adults and will make their own decisions even if it's not always the best one. From what it seems like that guy is not getting the attention/affection he needs at home and he's getting it emotionally from your mom it may not be too long before they start falling for each other. If this really bothers you have a talk with your mother and tell her how you feel and how she may be getting used.
2006-09-14 13:11:35 · answer #5 · answered by isladelmar7 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I can understand a woman being friends with a married man but they are spending way too much time together. I can understand his wife being jealous and wanting to leave him if he doesn't break it off.
It may not be physical but it sure is creating a rift in his marriage and that can be worse. His wife is who he should be sharing his thoughts with, not your mom.
2006-09-14 13:06:01 · answer #6 · answered by ingy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if the wife says it's cheating, it's cheating. Each couple has to cut their own deal, make their own contract, and what others think doesn't matter too much.
2006-09-14 13:16:03 · answer #7 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is cheating.
I certainly wouldn't allow my husband to go out on dates with another women.
I don't mean to sound disrespectful to your mother, but she shouldn't be messing with married men.
Don't get me wrong , I don't think a "catch up" chat every now and then would be so bad, but what you are describing is not appropriate
2006-09-14 13:05:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think she is walking on thin ice. It may have started out on good
intent but can change drastically before either of them realize it.
2006-09-14 13:20:24 · answer #9 · answered by Sugar 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it is cheating, and it is more devistating than a physical affair.
2006-09-14 13:02:28 · answer #10 · answered by JillA 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋