Im stuck in Marriage "Limbo" so2speak. Have been together 10 years, 4 kids, house, cars, etc. I work fulltime, take kids 2 school & there activities, pay all mortgage/utility bills, buy groceries 4 home, etc. Not perfect guy by any means, but id like 2 think ive provided a decent living for them. Over the past year ive had a ton of issues: wife getting permanent work injury, my cousin physically abusing my wife's sister & slashing my tires, wife's confessed drug use, deal with both sister in-law's who dont work, cant stand on there own 2 feet (they borrowed our car, money, dropped off there kids, etc.) 1 sister-in-law has not paid me back over $400. Wife wants to keep helping them, I do not.. so we argue. I have not spoken to her sisters in 2-3 months now. We are 2 totally different people, but lately as worse as ever. Not sure where 2 go, this is all ive known for over 10 years. This is worst year of my life id say. I want 2 leave then, then I dont. Just hoping 4 sum good advice.
2006-09-14 12:52:14 · 10 answers · asked by justaguy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you never would have thought getting an answer would make you worse off. But i got a similar thing, except my wife is abusive to me & my kids for. Been married for 12 years and my suspicions are confirmed now as i have learned she has a personality disorder.
But back to you. You will resent being with her, but if you leave- she will get the kids, child support, and alimony- EVEN THOUGH SHE IS MOSTLY AT FAULT.
For it not to be that way, you have to prove why the kids are better off with you, meaning you have to become the primary caregiver. Feeding, clothing, taking them to school, doctors, and other events. No man can fit that in since they work full time.
Believe me, as a dad, the odds are stacked against you.
And you can't just have circumstantial evidence, you have to have iron clad proof of several incidents.
So the only possibility if you do leave is to take a year or more (in spite of the torture) to make an exit plan including documentation & witnesses that vouch why your character is so much better than hers as far as care towards the kids.
Forget all the side issues you have and focus on this one. The drug use is key.
The situation won't fix itself. You either check out the website listed below and study it thoroughly or it will take a miracle from Jesus.
2006-09-14 13:19:55 · answer #1 · answered by get_unlost 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in a tough one there.... First off you are going to have to decide if you want your children to live in this kind of surrondings...That is your TOP question here..... Your wife has to deceide what is more important to her.. The drugs... The family... You and your marriage and your family..... You need to take back YOUR HOME... Tell your wife and her sisters.. No more... The buck stops here... You have your own home to take care of... It is hard enough in today's world to take care of yourself and raise a family with out haveing the burden of people that won't help themselves... Give your wife a choice... You and the kids... Your marriage... Or the drugs and her sisters.... What ever you deceide... I wish you the best..... Tough Love is never easy....... But in the end... Its the best Love of all......
2006-09-14 13:30:16 · answer #2 · answered by levita45 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People and situations change. You two are not the same two people that got married 10 years ago.
I can't tell you to stay or go, but just remember no matter what, your children will always love you and that for your own health and well being you might want to leave.
I left an unhappy marriage. Sucked at first, but then it was the best thing I have ever done for myself.
2006-09-14 13:10:51 · answer #3 · answered by Simply Lovely 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, 1 bad year and ur ready to run.. nice.. in all ur complaining bout wife and extended family i didnt once hear u say anything about not wanting to DESTROY UR KIDS LIVES.. guess what.. THEY are whats important here, not U, not YOUR WIFE.. NOT HER SISTERS.. .. sorry guess what sh*t happens.. and the saying is true.. when it rains it pours.. but u promised , for better of for worst.. well hun this is the "worst" part of the scenerio.. SO lets see, u can wallow in in and find the excuse ur obviously looking for to walk out on ur family.. or u can take charge of ur life again, and put ur foot down on some things... U CANT BLAME YOUR WIFE, for loving her family and wanting to help them as im sure if it was ur family even if they were being retarded u would feel a sense of loyalty to them to help them if need be.. so u cant blame her for loving her family and wanting to do what she can for them.. 10 years is alot of time to chalk it up as wasted years.. how many times in ur life, have u had bad days, maybe so bad at times the thought of suicide even if it was just in thought.. crossed ur mind, just to end up waking up several days later and something good happen , or u had a good day , or u realized what u would of missed out on if u would of just given up that day completly and ended it all.. Your kids depend on a "MAN" to show them the way, they depend on a good male role model that will show them that REAL MEN dont quit.. they dont make promises that they cant keep (marriage is a promise) Real Men dont walk out on their families.. Real men ALWAYS do what is right even when it doesnt "FEEL" good.. how can u expect ur kids to grow up into either REAL MEN.. if they are boys.. or girls to make right choices in the Men they choose by wanting to be with REAL MEN, if their father doesnt lead the way???????
2006-09-14 13:07:17 · answer #4 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
justaguy,
Well, sounds like you need a break. Perhaps your wife does too. I think you still Love your wife, it is all the outside things that is causing problems. Tell her. You should move away from all of this and concentrate on your lives. Family is important, but having a relationship with your wife and family is very important too.
2006-09-14 13:17:52 · answer #5 · answered by -------- 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like yall need to break ties with the sister in law..
and work on your relationshop.. if you wife as issues with drugs then she needs to get help for that as well
but as to divorve or stay, thats really something you have to decide for your self.. if at worse .. either you or her move out for a week and see how you feel after that
2006-09-14 12:57:01 · answer #6 · answered by ♥ Lisa♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop being an enabler. Chances are u have allowed them to abuse your generosity. Your kids should come first and your wife needs to go get help for herself.
2006-09-14 13:02:49 · answer #7 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
put the deadbeat adults out of your life. Wife needs to go to rehab. Protect the kids from all the deadbeats.
2006-09-14 13:00:33 · answer #8 · answered by adamsjrcn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to your wife let her know how you feel try marriage counseling and if that doesnt work go separate ways maybe that will help the relationship trust me somtimes time apart help and alot of communication.
2006-09-14 12:56:54 · answer #9 · answered by kukivera 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get on the Jerry Springer show or Riki Lake show. They sort the whole thing out lmao
2006-09-14 13:12:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋