Ok there is this boy at school he is 13 and I am 14 and he asked me out using a note, so I replied using a note and I said "Yes, as long as it doesn't ruin our friendship." Then after he read the note (I was standing there when he said it and was looking at the floor) he moved like two inches away from me, so I backed up, and he moved forward, so I backed up again and sat on the floor, but after I said YES he quit talking to me. And today when I walked past him and said hi it looked like he was glaring at me, maybe I was just imagining it but, then he was walking home with this girl. (I don't mind him hanging out with other girls, I just want to know whats up. Will someone explain he behavior??
2006-09-14 12:13:52 · 12 answers · asked by Truthordarelover 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
It's very simple: he thinks you rejected him.
I know at this point you are going "WTF? how could anyone read a rejection out of that?" Let me explain - guys do not always interpret sentences the same way a girl does. For instance, consider the cliched rejection line, which every guy has heard of (even if it has never been directed at him): "I like you, but I won't go out with you, because I'm afraid that it might ruin our firendship." To a girl, this sentence means exactly what it says: that she is afraid that if she goes out with the guy, it might create a conflict of interest such that she would no longer be able to confide in the guy, rely on him for support, or otherwise be able to consider him a friend anymore - especially if the relationship goes sour (as relationships are known to do from time to time). Since she values his friendship more than any possible romance, she doesn't want to go out with him.
Now let's look at how a guy views this same cliche: to him, the capacity of being a firend doesn't include such things as being able to rely on him for support or being able to confide in him - having to actually talk about your feelings to your friends is considered "unmanly" (sorely needed at times, but he won't ever admit that to himself). Ergo, he concieves the primary role of a friend to be someone with common interests that you can hang out with - something that will still be true even after you start dating. Thus, because of their differing views on friendship, it is utterly inconcievable to a guy how being in a romantic relationship could possibly "ruin our friendship." And since the literal meaning of the words (to him) are totally disconnected from the situation, he therefore concludes that the phrase "I'm afraid that it might ruin our firendship" does not actually have any literal meaning, but is merely a phrase included to make the rejection more polite. As an analogy, consider the sentences "get me a beer" and "please get me a beer" - the word "please" doesn't change the meaning of the sentence in the slightest, it just makes it more polite. Such is the conception guys have of "it might ruin our friendship" in that cliched rejection.
Here's the problem: that cliched rejection is probably the only place where he's actually heard the phrase. So when you write "Yes, as long as it doesn't ruin our friendship," what he sees is "Yes, [polite phrase indicating rejection]." This is an unusual juxtaposition to be sure - so how to interpret it? Well he knows grammatically from the cliche that "ruin our friendship" is something that happens when you get into a relationship, and since the reason why it happens is never explained, he assumes that in the lexicon of girls, that it is something which is a necessary consequence of getting into a romantic relationship (yes, he is quite wrong). So this allows him to comprehend your statement as follows:
"Yes, as long as something that necessarily results from getting into a relationship doesn't result from getting into a relationship."
"Yes, as long as a logically impossible condition obtains."
"Yes, when pigs fly."
"No."
Ergo, in his eyes, not only have you rejected him, you did so in a mocking and insincere manner. It is no wonder he is upset with you! Of course, a brief question, even a direct accusation, would have resolved the misunderstanding instantly, but for some reason (stupidity), he didn't think to ask.
The proper method of resolution, of course, is to simply communicate to him in an unambigous manner that you do want to go out with him and were not rejecting him when you wrote that note, and then ask him if he still wants to go out with you. I do not recommend trying to present my analysis of what he is thinking, for three reasons - first, the primary problem here is miscommunication, and presenting this analysis might come off as a long list of caveats and second guesses, which may cause him to question your sincerity (not because he doesn't trust you, but because he may not think highly of himself). Second, telling someone else what they think, even if you are absolutely right, is generally considered extremely rude. Finally, and most seriously, this analysis is highly speculative, based on only a brief report of an isolated incident, and as such may be absolutely, completely, and totally wrong - if that is the case, simply stating your intent and then leaving him to explain will produce a correct account of his behavior, whereas presenting an incorrect speculation such as this may cause him to believe that you are simply delusional, and avoid you further.
Best of luck resolving your boy problems. BTW, if you ever feel like dating a dead french mathematician, feel free to call me.
2006-09-14 16:23:53 · answer #1 · answered by Pascal 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No offense grrl, but u need to wake up and smell the grape juice. either he is gay or playa ya. When life hands you lemons what do you do just sit around waitin for this guy to stop acting funnie NO you grab a martina and some salt and HAVE A PARTY but you cant with him being so shy. you need a man that can keep up wth ya. answer this question. how old are ya ?
2006-09-14 19:40:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I agree with Thinking_Underage. For I <3 FOB, if you love FOB, how old are you? This can be a site for everyone who wants to post stuff and needs help. Get over yourself. This is a free country.
2006-09-15 00:34:15 · answer #3 · answered by gamerzaddiction 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow. um, see, the thing is, by saying yes, its made things awkward in your relationship, so you should probably either break up with no strings attatched or come to him with your problem so you can work things out. dont worry about the other girls, by the way
2006-09-14 19:17:33 · answer #4 · answered by Kait 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he heard a rumor; You liked him or something. And he was just trying to prove it wrong.... and then as you said yes.... he felt uncomfortable.... but remember... no body know why guys do what they do.... :S
2006-09-14 19:25:32 · answer #5 · answered by KC 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well who knows? he is only thirteen!!
Maybe he didn't write the note and was embarrassed.
2006-09-14 19:39:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
he could be shy or intimadated. I would say he is just a "BOY." They tend to act strangely around Girls. Boys.....
2006-09-14 19:18:04 · answer #7 · answered by meshaangel2004 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is the EXACT same thing that happened to me. i have no idea why they do that. we've been going out for almost a year and he has talked to me twice. and now i don't even no if were still going out.
2006-09-14 20:08:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
girl i think thye boy like you
2006-09-15 00:35:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to him. ask him wats up and y hes acting weird.
2006-09-14 20:00:18 · answer #10 · answered by jordanthegrouch 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋