Is it worth it to attempt to salvage a 'forced' marriage?

Question

What I mean by 'forced' is my wife and I only got married because she got pregnant. Me, feeling the best thing to do was to marry and take care of her and my child. This was over 13 years ago. Now we constantly bicker and argue but because of my deep family values I stuck it out for the sake of my child. The thought of another man raising my child makes me cringe. Now I am at the end of my rope. We constantly bicker but we're never physical. Just yelling like everyone else.

I feel like putting up w/ this is eating me alive. I don't know what to do. My friends all say that staying together for the sake of the child is the absolute worse thing you can do.

Answer 1

First off, I read all the other answers before I decided to answer myself. Most of them say that you should go ahead and get out of the marriage......of this I agree.
Some of them said to try counseling........that's a very grey area...I have seen very few of them that have ever actually worked.
I used to work at a Women's Domestic Violence Shelter and I used to tell my clients the same thing......
DIVORCES ARE NO MORE FINAL THAN MARRIAGES ARE.
Who knows, several years down the line, you and your wife might see that you really do love each other, and maybe you will want to remarry again. Stranger things have happened!!
But, life is too short for all three of you for any of you to have to stay in a relationship that is miserable for any or all of you.
As for another man raising your child.....he may pay the bills, and take care of things....but he'll never be called "DADDY" as that is your spot that no one can ever take away from you...unless you just disappear from your child's life and they have to turn to someone else...and even that isn't a guarantee, as not all stepfathers are tolerated by the kids no matter what they do.
So, sit down with mama and decide what is best for all three of you and try and remember what you were feeling about her when you got her pregnant in the first place. You had to have some feelings for her then.....remember them now and work from that point, be it separating for a time, or a full divorce or recoiling and trying again.
Good luck in whatever you do.

Answer 2

Well, as you probably have considered I would suggest seeing a marriage counselor. The thing is that you really have to explore all avenues before throwing in the towel. When you have a child involved you want to do what is best for that child and true that a complete family is best but that family must be a healthy one. So if all efforts fail then your last resort is divorce/separation because ultimatley it is better that a child come from a broken home then to have stay and live in a broken home.

Are you and your wife getting along at all, because if the good times still exist but they have just lessened then maybe there is hope to increase those good times and decrease the bickering times.

At all expenses avoid bickering in front of the child, that is most damaging and you are setting an example, after all you want your child to lead healthy relationships but he may learn bad habits from the two of you sabatoging his/her future relationships.

Good luck.

Answer 3

divorce her. you can take care of the child alone . your friend can said a lot, but the truth is you are in the same room with her. plus, if you find another woman down the path in a year or two, then your child will see you happy and feel loved. Because he can sure hear the arguement in the next room. believe, arguine and yelling is not a sound that you can't here. so think for your kid, otherwise when he grows up, he won't have faith in starting a new family, he or she will date, but never marry because of what he is learning from you and your wife right now. so for your child, you need to make a stand and a model for him to follow

Answer 4

Sorry i disagree, u made it 13 years i think u can find away to make this work for atleast another 5.. Ur right u made ur bed and now u have to lie in it.. This is why ur suppose to wait till marriage to have children.. lol.. But do what u can to fix this.. go to counseling.. do what ever it takes to get the bickering to stop.. 13 years is along time to just throw away like its nothing.. and ur child is worth it.. 5 more years is nothing compared to the 13 u've already put into this..

Answer 5

And your friends are right. Your kid is being affected by the yelling,and the verbal abuse. For the sake of your child, if you could amicably seperate, your kid doesn't have to lose their dad. You could still be the father, and make sure ur wife is aware of the roll you want. Trust me,I'm speaking from experience as the child. It's damaged me, and to this day there are things I can't forgive my dad for doing....and I wish they would have seperated before they had done damage. Good luck.

Answer 6

Oh, divorce him. he's a bum and not something has replaced from the 1st time he cheated with the exception which you took him lower back and extra 2 extra youngsters into this mess. you may call your loved ones and locate out in the event that they are able to enable you to. My wager is you have under no circumstances listened to any advice from them concerning this bum so basically go over there and beg them rather of begging this bum to stay. you won't be able to smash it off considering the fact which you're vulnerable, scared and could practice your toddlers the thank you to be dealt with by utilising a guy. Do you recognize your toddlers will repeat this habit? They see you doing it, they see him doing it. call your loved ones and locate out if any of them can enable you progression in, enable you to with hire, and so on.

Answer 7

Oh, it is the worse thing you can do. Take it from someone who knows the sounds of parents bellowing late at night when you should be sleeping tight your stomach is all tight. You can spend all the time you need to with your kid if you leave, please, don't waste any more of your time, your wifes time (even if she doesn't see it that way right now), and especially your kid's time. Your child will have a hard time accepting it until he/she sees that you still have lots of time for it and you aren't leaving it.

Answer 8

Just think how you want your kid to grow up? Do you want him/her to see mom and dad together, unhappy and fighting or seperate, happy, and on a friendly basis (hopefully) . Getting married for a baby is usually not a good idea also staying together for a child is not a good idea. Good Luck..... BTW there is always counseling if you do love her and would like to try one more time.

Answer 9

Sometimes other people see things that we don't see ourselves. Your friends are right! Your kids are smarter than you think. They know when Mom and Dad aren't getting along and aren't happy. When I divorced, my kids were extremely happy that we did. They were happier because they didn't hear us fighting any more and they knew I was happier. However, if you do still love your wife and think your marriage is worth saving then, before you take this step, you should try marriage counseling. I hear sometimes it works. For me, it wasn't worth trying because my ex was abusive. Good luck! I hope you can make the right decision for you!

Answer 10

your friends are right. the first mistake was marrying someone because she was pregnant. so, moving on.. you will have a nother relationship at some point so another womanis also going to be raising your wife's child. the point is moot, you need to be grown up, stop fighting & find a equitable solution to this problem.