I am in this relationship with this guy,and we have 4 children togehter...the youngest is not even 1 yet...and tha oldest is 12.But I have just found out that ages ago..say like,6 or7 months ago..he had a one nite stand with this old lady..old enough to be his mother.and now..that hes confess to doing it..I am haveing to deal with the pain and it is not fair.As he says that now I know...I need to get on with it and we try and work things out...but thats it...I dont know what I want now...and I am trying to get pass it..if I can...but he thinks that I should not be going on about it....but who do I talk to...if he aint listening...I have told him...that if he wants things to work out between me and him....he has to give alot of things for me to start trusting him again..which is going to take awhile.He dont want to leave...as I have told him ..if u want out now....now is that time to say it...but he wants to stay with us...and I also told him dont stay because of the kids either.
2006-09-14 11:31:43 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Now that he is still here...I still dont feel as ease like I used to with him...hes trying to turn it on me..but it aint working...so..now I am trying to tell him to stay somewhere else...and have time out from each other and see where it gets us later...like who knows where we both end up..do u think its a good idea we have time out...as things are going to get worse...and he wont let me say wot i feel or wot I want from him now that he has cheated on me.
2006-09-17 14:26:57 · update #1
ok, so stop talking about it to him.. do you friends,a minister or just a dr that you can talk to? if you believe that he means what he says & he wants to stay, you have to forgive & move on together. if the trust is gone & you cant get over it, then you need to leave him & go on alone... you cant continue to punish him, either forgive him or leave him...you need to get some help for yourself to decide the best way to procede. good luck...
2006-09-14 11:36:36 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He had a one night stand, ok. Would it matter how old she was? what if she was 16, would that make a difference. He made a mistake. Tell him he better not do it again or else! He could have passed an STD on to you, has he thought about that? When you talk he better listen. You sound a little possive, probably the jealous type before you were in this relationship. Try to get past it. He trusted you enough to confess. Maybe he really does want things to work out and does feel guilty about straying and wants to stay with you and the kids. If he dosen't stay who's going to help you look after your 4 young kids. It will be difficult by yourself.
2006-09-14 11:50:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take the time to think about what you want even though you two are in the same house. Just try not to argue and stay away from him and let yourself think. When you want an anwr talk to him and see if he tells you something that you want to hear. Like you said it will all take time. lots.
2006-09-14 11:40:03 · answer #3 · answered by ronnny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i had a similar thing happen with my husband. it is going to hurt for awhile my husband acted the same way as Ur's. i tried the whole trying not to bring it up and cause fights etc. but it was tearin me apart so much i ended up losing it. u need to talk to him again tell him u need to know why? my husband and decided we would start dating etc. Ur husband needs to make u fall in love with him again and build the trust all over, he needs to buy the flowers and teddy bears etc he needs to do some ars* kissing. but u have to remember if u want to work things out with him that u need time to heal and then u have to not forget but not bring it up in every fight or use it against him to get Ur way because this will destroy Ur relationship. good luck and if u need to talk to some one who understands email me on staffys_always@hotmail.com
2006-09-14 11:45:14 · answer #4 · answered by mrs nevz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How do you feel? You have to really do some soul searching on this one! Why don't you two try counseling? You have a lot of time together. You both have a lot of pain right now. Talk to a councilor. He/she will be able to help you.
Good luck.
2006-09-14 11:37:12 · answer #5 · answered by Blond Logic 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
STAYING JUST FOR THE KIDS ISNT THE ANSWER , YOU GUYS NEED SOME SERIOUS COUNSELING AND INDIVIDUAL COUNSELING FOR U MIGHT B GOOD TOO. YOU CAN ALSO TALK TO THE PASTOR AT THE CHURCH THAT YOU ATTEND. YOU COULD ALSO TURN IT OVER 2 JESUS OR GOD HE IS THERE 4 U ALWYZ NO MATTER WHAT, HE WONT LEAVE U EITHER. GOD BE WITH U. LOL TO U AND THE KIDS.
2006-09-14 11:37:22 · answer #6 · answered by smiley283 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i know it's hard for you knowing that he did that to you despite the length of your relationship.. it takes time to heel the wounds.. just be strong for yourself and for your kids.. and you should also consider his feelings though he hurt you, it's not easy for him to admit that to you and i think you should give him credits for that.. and he said that to you because he felt guilty about it and he's trying to make it up to you by telling you the truth and it means he still respect you.. it's hard for him too but you should both try to understand each other and try to work it out.. he didnt leave you and your kids because he still loves you.. there's no perfect relationship.. and loving someone doesnt mean that everything will be fine it's about loving the person ih his/her imperfection.. accept but i wont say forget coz you wont forget things like that instead move on and try to look ahead! goodluck.. =)
2006-09-14 11:45:59 · answer #7 · answered by keiCh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go9 to relate together or some other councilor because if you dont talk it through either alone or in company you are going to have dought eat away at your relationship until there is nothing left he has to understand hiow hurt you are and how hard it is to trust him again
2006-09-14 11:36:49 · answer #8 · answered by madeleine b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
to work this out you have two view, stay or go
if you choose to stay, you have to forgive and forget, if you can't forgive you won't forget, therefore this subject will come up again another day and another fight will accure.
if you choose to kick him out, then you need to cry a lot, and find another way to survive without him. but he has to give child support. so don't worry about that.
2006-09-14 11:36:43 · answer #9 · answered by ken401lam 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to figure out whether you can get past it. When you forgive you have to let go of the past. Try asking God for help,someone once told me an to my surprise he answer's my prayers.
2006-09-14 11:40:24 · answer #10 · answered by cheryl m 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋