Do you think I'll get sole custody?

Question

I filed for divorce and the court date is on September 25. and I put on the papers that I want sole custody and he will have open visitation rights since he's never been there for his daughter. I'm doing the divorce by myself without a lawyer(Pro-Se) and a sheriff already took him the summons of divorce and I went through all the steps. He already told his dad he's not going to appear in court that day and he lives in Puerto Rico and I live in New Jersey. We were married on June 2002 and he left on August 2002 with another woman and if I don't call for him to speak with our daughter, he doesn't. So what do you think? I'm really nervous

I would really like him being part of her life. I was raised by my dad but my mom was always around so it was all good. That's why I let him have open visitation rights too.

Oh I went to the child support office like a few months after he left he owes over $2,000 and I haven't seen a cent since

Answer 1

You can get it. I think that the Sheriff should be pro-active in helping you get custody of your child. If you feel you won't get it contact a lawyer. Right now a friend of mine is going through domestic abuse so I'm thinking of having her contact a lawyer in another state/county with better law enforcement. You should do the same. I know you want a dad in your daughter's life but what kind of man would give up on love and loyalty to a woman he chose to marry? That to me is a coward. It's important for your daughter to have values and it seems to me she'll get them from you. Don't be nervous. You're stronger than any man.

As Mariah Carey wisely sang,
"There's a hero,
If you look inside your heart,
You don't have to be afraid of what you are,
There's an answer,
If you reach into your soul,
And the sorrow that you know will melt away."

Answer 2

Based on what your saying, you should definately get sole custody. Make sure you document (keep a log) of every time he calls your daughter, sees your daughter, or give you child support. The more documentation you have when you go to court will make you look more perpared and serious about the situation. I don't know how NJ handles things but in IL if he was served the summons and fails to appear you can ask the judge to proceed without him.....guaranteeing you sole custody.

Answer 3

this may be a time once you would be worried or maybe sense depressed, yet you look to have your act mutually and are taking the needed steps. From what you have reported, it form of seems such as you should get custody. mothers many times get it - even in contested divorces. in the experience that your husband has been served, that's as much as him or his legal expert to respond. If he does not tutor, that's on your earnings and he ought to lose each and everything by ability of default. via fact he's long gone, that's no reason to not ask and get infant help. he's the organic and organic father and has household projects. even nevertheless he would possibly not pick to pay, there are government companies obtainable that may assist you and garnish his wages. Like I reported, you look to have your act mutually. stay solid and robust success.

Answer 4

He sounds like my father (except leaving with the other woman).

You should get sole custody because the courts will see that he is not putting forth an effort to see his own child. He isnt paying his child support and above everything he doesnt show up for court. That does not sound like a parent that so deperately wants to be a part of his child's life.

You should be fine. Just present all of the information you have to the court and if they are smart, they will give it to you. It's a shame for your daughter. I hate irresponsible people.

Good Luck!

Answer 5

Child support is currently the law of the land. It is also a throw back to Neanderthal days when women were helpless and fragile and inferior, and believed it was a man's correct role to give money to helpless women. Every male employer who has had to pay child support understands this perfectly. He may comply with affirmative action laws, but he knows that women themselves don't feel equal to men. (I bet most women haven't had that said to them before, right?)

My best guess is the fact that he lives in P.R. and hasn't been back is a good sign he's not ever coming back. With a two month marriage, I must wonder if he only married you because you were pregnant with his child, -- if that was the case -- and he was raised to believe a child should have a legal father. he sure wasn't making any kind of commitment to you.

I do admire your willingness to leave visitation open, but whatever is going on in his head, his daughter isn't in there.

And, I am sorry. Every child should be able to know their dad loves them, no matter how stupid the adults have been.

Still, people do change. It is possible someday he will want to see her, or she may want to see him. Do be sure not to trash him in front of her. When she asks why he doesn't respond, explain that there are people in the world who are unhappy and confused, and don't know what they want to do, so they don't do anything -- or something like that.

It is tempting to tell the child what you feel about him and it can't be very nice, at least if I were in your shoes my thoughts wouldn't be very nice. Shucks, I'm not in your shoes, and I want to kick him -- being a dad is one of the most important things in a man's life! GRRRR!!!!!!!!

But, there are strange psychological things which happen when a kid thinks her dad is a BAD person. They tend to believe that makes them bad as well.

They can usually understand a person being confused or unhappy, and not knowing what to do, though, because that's normal life for kids.

Answer 6

Yes I think that you will definately get sole custody, and the courts will also demand that he pay child support. I feel you are doing the right thing by allowing him to see your daughter. I too think that it is important that both parents are in her life as long as there is nothing endangering her safety. Good luck on Sept. 25th.

Answer 7

If he doesn't show up for court and contest it, then you will get sole custody, but if he does show up and contest it, you will probably end up with joint custody as long as you or him don't have records of drug abuse, child abuse, neglect, or any sexual offenses. Good Luck, and remember that your child is more important than money or revenge - do what is best for her!

Answer 8

If you don't get sole custody, something is wrong. He should support his daughter, but it will only hurt her if he continues to sporadically see her.

Answer 9

It is likely you will get sole custody. And you'll probably never see him or that money ever again.

Answer 10

Geez.....such drama, thats so messed up.....but your right, allow visitation if he doesn't use them that's something he has to live with. Good Luck