If a few months before you were to get married, the "love of your life" came back looking for you "out of the blue" what would you do? You do love your future spouse but you and this person were separated by circumstances beyond your control many years before, you never really did stop loving her and missed her A LOT for many years and now is like she "came out of the grave" and you are VERY confused. Is not an easy situation is it? How would you handle it?
2006-09-14 08:52:49 · 50 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Get back with the long lost love -- it could be meant to be.
2006-09-14 08:57:03 · answer #1 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
More details would be nice but given what you provided, I would ask what caused the separation of you and this person. You say "circumstances beyond your control" but this is vague.What has this person been doing all these years and why did she return now? Do you really still love her or are you just longing for what you once had and see this as a second chance to regain a loss.You still refer to your current girlfriend as your "future spouse" so that in itself is telling. i would not throw away the relationship you now have to "go back", but if you truly still love her it would be unfair to your current gf to get married. Take some more time to think about this. Good Luck!
2006-09-14 09:03:10 · answer #2 · answered by Silva 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are about to get married!!! If you aren't 100% sure about being with this person for the rest of your life, why are you even thinking about being married to them? And if you were really meant to be with this "other woman" you still would. I understand that you were "separated by circumstances beyond your control" but don't you believe that if one wants something/someone that badly, nothing would stop them from being together? That's what love is...
My advice would be: Don't make things any harder on yourself! You haven't seen this woman in years.. Who knows whether or not she completely changed?? You are very lucky to have found a woman who is ready to start a life together with you.. She obviously loves you.. If you tell her anything about your current dilemma it will only cause more problems.. The easiest would be to not let this "other woman" back into your life...
I know that this is a very complicated situation, but I have been there... My ex who lives in Europe still wants me back (after 4 years) and I do love him.. He was my first love.. But I have found someone who deserves the best in life! And I couldn't possibly break their heart just because of what might have been!
2006-09-14 09:12:12 · answer #3 · answered by kochanie05 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I also lost contact with the love of my life. Our parents separated us because we were too young to be in love. I grew up got married and have 3 kids. After 10 yrs I run into him, him divorced and so am I. We end up together, I've been with him for 5 yrs now. Sometimes life gives some wired turns. Just follow your heart. If you are meant to be with each other no matter what it will happen some day....
2006-09-14 09:23:03 · answer #4 · answered by yo_010180 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This happened to me and my husband. My husband's ex came back into his life and he was so confused. I told him he needed to be sure about whom he wanted. He could not have us both. There were circumstances beyond their control. His ex lost her visa and my husband was not able to sponsor one for her at that time. Ultimately, I think my hubby realized that if it was truly meant to be with his ex, despite the hardships, they would have found a way to be together. They really did love each other greatly, but it wasn't enough to make the relationship last.
My hubby had a work visa, but it also eventually ran out and we had to make a decision about whether to marry or not. We had to either get married or he had to leave the country. Ultimately, I decided that I didn't care about marriage - that if he had to leave the U.S., I would go with him - I would leave everyone and everything behind to be with the love of my life. I think at that point he realized that I was the real deal and not his ex. If you truly love someone, you find a way to be together.
You said there were circumstances beyond your control - but just because there are hardships doesn't mean that it was impossible for you and your ex to stay together. You obviously love your fiance and asked her to marry you because she's the one you are in love with now. Why are you with your fiance instead of still pining over your old love?
2006-09-14 09:04:28 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you tell your future spouse that you love her but you have something to work out before you can concentrate on your future marriage with her....and you go and have a talk with the previous girl... keep it in public that way you 'll be less likely to betray your future wife's trust. Odds are that you and this other girl have outgrown each other. What ever you do be honest with the girls, that way there are no misunderstandings. That way when it's all been said and done... you'll know who you are supposed to be with, and there are no questions about who is the love of your life.
2006-09-14 09:01:02 · answer #6 · answered by Boo Boo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go away for a month or 2 if your ex and your wife don't undrstand then they are not worth your time. Honestly though if you were still hung up on this person from the past you should not have led your future wife to think that she was the only one in the world that you would want to marry. Basically the way I look at it is, you couldn't have one woman so you decided to settle for the other.
2006-09-14 08:56:47 · answer #7 · answered by Ruth Less RN 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not think that very many people have any experience with this. But you must have some issues. I mean you asked another woman to marry you knowing that you were still in love with someone else? That is not very good. Get a reality check and do some soul searching. I mean no matter what you are gonna get some drama. It is a matter of how much you want and when you want to deal with it!!!
2006-09-14 08:56:25 · answer #8 · answered by jasmine b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may be best that she came back into your life now instead of after you married your soon to be wife. My long lost love came back into my life 5 years into my marriage and it tore it apart. I am now with my former boyfriend and we are to be married in October. Talk to her and see how things go. Things may not be the same as they were years ago and if they are the fate brought her back to you before you got into a situation that wasn't simple or cheap to get out of. Yes you are going to hurt your fiance's feelings but she will move on as most women do. But don't leave her in the dark either. You need to be honest with your fiance. If you aren't it can create more problems if things don't work out with your first love.
2006-09-14 09:22:11 · answer #9 · answered by Nicole W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to be honest with your future spouse. Let her know exactly what happened and how you are feeling. Talk to the old love. You may not be inlove with her now. You may be inlove with what you had then. People change and so do feelings. See how things are after you talk to her face to face. Be honest with everyone. If the future spouse finds out from someone else that you have been seeing this other girl, watch out. Good luck!!!
2006-09-14 09:00:05 · answer #10 · answered by dr's mom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had something similar happen to me. When I put a notification on Classmates about my upcoming wedding, my ex emailed me with an apology on what happened to separate us, as well as stating that she had always thought we would get back together someday.
Here is my advice, for your situation is different, and your choice a tough one.
You need to think about who you want to be with more. Do you love your fiancee? If so, how deeply is that love? Does it run as deep as it did with your previous girlfriend? This is really a tough choice for you to make. Better advice could be offered if I knew what the circumstances of your first separation were.
List all the pros and cons about each woman. List who makes you happier. You are going to have to do a lot of soul searching on this one, and I don't envy your position. Someone is going to be hurt, whether it's your fiancee or your ex. (Not to confuse you more, but if you and your ex have moved on, maybe it should stay that way.)
Good luck with your choice.
2006-09-14 09:00:56 · answer #11 · answered by Kevin J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋