(my husband works, we have 4 kids, he keeps the only car, taking it to work his 10-14 hrs/day-5 days/week, we live paycheck to paycheck, kids just qualified for reduced lunches at school, there is no public transportation)----should i be concerned that my husbands just gives his mother $50-100 each month for shopping before i even have a chance to pay the bills? the last two months, i have had to skip a car payment just to offset his generousity. she calls crying to him each month that they are broke, living on my father-in-laws disability and retirement. i have more than enough wisdom to know that the woman does not know how to budget money and goes to the malls to shop for junk she doesn't need, just an impulse of hers. and he has never borrowed money from them, so its not like he owes them money compensation. i have respect for them, but think he shouldn't just give her so much money. i don't get to shop at the malls and my kids have to wear thrift store and walmart clothes.
2006-09-14 08:37:47 · 9 answers · asked by Cindy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
and how do i talk to him about my concern? it his mother. if the shoe was on the other foot, he would tell my mom 'hell no!'
2006-09-14 08:39:40 · update #1
correction: 'husbands' should be 'husband'......lol
2006-09-14 08:40:56 · update #2
job? where? the nearest business is 2 miles away. i have to already walk a mile with my kindergartner in the opposite direction to school, i have less than 6 hours before i have to walk back to the school to walk him home, even in the rain. and no, babysitting is not an option.
2006-09-14 08:49:47 · update #3
and he won't let me take him to work, too much gas, he works 10 miles away, and he is the manager of the store, and has to run errands between stores and go to the bank. we can't buy another car, even used.
2006-09-14 08:52:30 · update #4
You need to ask him if he is married to you or his mama. He needs to decide who he is more commited to. I am not saying to choose between the two, but his first obligation should be his wife and kids.
2006-09-14 08:42:18 · answer #1 · answered by Jewells 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You need to talk to your husband ASAP. While it is commendable that he wants to help his parent he is not in a financial position to do so. His first and foremost priority is to you and the children. If possible you should take him to work so that you have the vehicle in case of emergency with the children. What's the point of it staying in the parking lot for 10+ hrs.
Call his mother and tell her that the monies he is giving her is being taken directly off of the children's table. Tell her what you go thru. Chances are she won't care and then you won't have to feel any sort of guilt for fighting for your kids. His pride is not worth the added hardships u endure. You will soon lose your car at this rate and then he won't have a way to work to earn what little he is. So what if he gets mad and b**ches . Let him be as loud as he wants so long as the kids are taken care of.
2006-09-14 15:46:54 · answer #2 · answered by GrnApl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should just be careful how you approach it. I moved in with my mother in law so we could work together on household expenses so my wife could stay home and home school the kids. of course once I finished building an addition on her home she stopped helping, claiming she did not make enough $$$ to help, meanwhile just llike in your situation she is spending $$$ on all kinds of non neccesary things and buying my kids and wife and telling my wife I am no good I do not spend a dime on anything for my kids or wife, but I paid for the house, electric, cable, phone etc...that my mother in law uses. Needless to say it lead to alot of fights and now I am seperated from my wife and she does not want me back and she is living in the house that I built with her mom. So yes be concerned but try to approach it in a constructive manner and see if you can't talk it out.
2006-09-14 15:55:18 · answer #3 · answered by jbrown280000 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Write down some figures that show where that money could go to some great use around your place. Maybe even try cutting back a bit on the quality and quantity of food you cook for him and when he inquires just be nice and explain you had to cut back to pay the bills due to the 'generosity'. Talk about it with him.
2006-09-14 15:41:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can talk to him, but you need to do it respectfully and with a tone of regret in your voice to soften the blow. Approach him in a way that tells him "I'm so sorry to have to bring this up," and explain how you know it will be hard emotionally for him to do what you want. But after all that prep, come out and just say it, that your kids really need that money.
2006-09-14 15:44:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Cindy
The money he earns is as much yours as his- Tell him the fmaily has financial prob,es and you want to sit down with him and make a budget.
If he refused, take the $50 and visit an attorney.
2006-09-14 16:20:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, $50 a month isnt going to make a car payment anyways. you guys need to figure out how to make more money. maybe you should get a job?? but yes, you need to talk to him and let him know that you are not in any finanical situation to be giving money to them.
2006-09-14 15:44:06 · answer #7 · answered by mickey g 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow thats complicated. But I would bring it up to him and try to talk about it. Thats really all I know what to do
2006-09-14 15:43:09 · answer #8 · answered by Justin's Wife of 10 Years!! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
listen to Jewells, she is right! make sure you stand your ground. DONT BE A WIMP!!!
2006-09-14 17:44:44 · answer #9 · answered by brokenheart 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋