I don't understand this... I have 3 friends who all have married their spouses within a year after meeting them and then are devistated when their marriage doesn't last. I try so hard to be sympathetic to their needs and I do truly feel sad for their situation, but I can't say that it shouldn't be expected. I feel this is why the divorce rate is so high in America. They marry young and they marry fast after meeting. Like I said, right now I have 3 friends that are greiving... how can I be sensitive to their needs as well as being honest with how I feel about how they went about it? All three friendships are very important to me.
2006-09-14 08:31:22 · 13 answers · asked by Heather S 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know exactly where you are coming from. I have two friends in the exact same situation. Its like they hardly knew the person they were marrying, and now that they do they don't like them. I believe some people are so addicted that rush that is felt when you are dating someone compatible that they rush into something thinking if they don't its going to get away, or their life is not complete until they do....and they don't even think about the consequences.
I also think that some people take marriage for granted, thinking that if it doesn't work out they will just divorce later.
I would be sympathetic towards them, but at the same time try and take their mind off of it...go out for the night and have a rule for no talking about spouses or exes.
2006-09-14 08:36:39 · answer #1 · answered by grudgrime 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell them that you were happy to see them get married and you feel bad that they all are divorced now, but maybe it was not the right time for them to get married. They probably thought it was a good idea at the time, but now they should understand that they should have waited longer to make sure that is the guy for them. Tell them, that when they do get into another relationship to make sure that is the one that they want to spend the rest of their life with and not someone that they would want to marry just to marry again. I am sure your friends have thought about their divorce, and have realized that it did not work out because it was too soon, or they did not know the guy well enough before getting married.
2006-09-14 08:36:49 · answer #2 · answered by ridingis4life 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a lot of reasons. Mostly the lack of realization that marriages are still supposed to be forever and both parties need to be prepared to put in the work. It is a contract to generate and consolidate wealth, raise a family and have someone to share the ups and downs with. Apparently a lot of people just want the share the ups, when the downs appear they bail.
It has to do with expectations, pragmatism and communication.
2006-09-14 08:39:16 · answer #3 · answered by Dane 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't really think it matters how long people wait until they get married. I think some people just feel too much pressure when they finally do. I know people who have been together for 8 years or longer then got married and less than a couple of months later they are seperated. I think it's a case of don't try to fix what isn't broken.
2006-09-14 08:37:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marrying young and dating too short has nothing to do with their marriages failing. I dated my husbnd for 9 mths and we've been married almost 4 yrs now. We ve had our ups n downs like ppl but we have survive. Marriage is like a daily job, u have to keep working to make things work, and not just one partner but both. Another thing is that they must pray together alot. Prayer changes things.
Anyway just be there for ur 3 frs...they need u.
2006-09-14 08:45:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know, the problem may not be the time, but how they view relationships and marriage on the whole. Even couples who have been together years have a false sense that marriage is suppose to magically transform them and the relationship which it doesn't. It only gives you tax breaks and other legal rights.
2006-09-14 08:34:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh, honey, I hear you on this one!! You know, when it happens to my friends, I just listen and try to be there for them. Then later, I will mention something like, "You know, that's why Bill and I waited over four years before getting married." or something like that--but always LATER, not during the crisis. You might even consider suggesting counseling or something so that they can work out their issues there.
Unfortunately, you won't be able to change them--only they can do that. All you can do is to be there for them and try (it's really hard) to do so without judgement. Or at least, without verbalizing that judgement.
Good luck to you. You sound like an amazing friend.
2006-09-14 08:37:23 · answer #7 · answered by pisceanwillow 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it all boiled down to incompatibility rather than too short a length of time before getting married. My parents only knew each other 3 months and they have been married 30 years. I think it just depends on a lot of factors. I dated my husband for 3 years before marrying him and it still failed. You just never know.
2006-09-14 08:34:31 · answer #8 · answered by WiserAngel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not the "meeting fast" part. I met my husband and married him 9 months later. We've been together 14 years. Young folks today don't have the staying power. Marriage takes "work!"
2006-09-14 08:34:08 · answer #9 · answered by Mommymonster 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
As much as you wish you could express your real thoughts, I think it'd be best to just keep quiet and be there for them. If they ask for your advice, that is when you can speak the truth. Right now they just need a good friend to lean on. Hopefully they will learn from their mistakes and pursue healthy future relationships.
2006-09-14 08:39:04 · answer #10 · answered by hello 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋