Ok...i will try to explain it as easy as I can...My husband and I have a rocky relationship....He believes it has everything to do with me....(hes an Angel and I'm the devil) I was told when I was 17 that I was Bi-polar...I went on meds and everything...I just got back from the doctor...guess what i'm not crazy...The stituation I'm in just brings the worse out in me....
Now how should I let my husband know that it isn't just me...he has alot to do with it...The doctor said everything he has done to me in the past ( hitting , drinking) just comes out when I see him, my anger overrides me...I want him to go to the couples meetings but I know he will get angry at me if it doesn't go his way...So how do I approach him on this....Letting him know It not just me and he needs to get help to or I will have to go on my own...( wish my marriage would work but worse case I will leave.) Any advice....
2006-09-14 08:16:34 · 17 answers · asked by ERICKSMAMA 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you don't have any children, leave him. This is a bad situation which will probably only get worse.
If you have children, you guys had better get your stuff together because their future depends on you.
FP
2006-09-14 08:18:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. That's a really awful situation you're dealing with. Personally, I wouldn't stay around simply because of the hitting. When I met my DH (and every other relationship I've ever been in) I told them, I've got two rules: 1. Don't hit me. 2. Don't cheat on me. (Later, came a third rule: 3. Don't hurt my kids in any way.) If any of those rules are broken, I'm out the door, no discussion. Anything else, I can talk about and try to work it out.
Now, since you are trying to make this work, maybe you should sit down with your DH and tell him that you love him and you want this to work. Tell him that you saw the doc and very gently explain what he told you. Tell him you're not telling him this because you're trying to hurt him or blame him, but just so that you can move forward effectively and safely in the relationship.
If you are being abused, though, I advise you to get out. Right away. If there are kids involved, you really have no choice. You shouldn't subject them (or yourself) to that. Honestly, there are plenty of guys out there who would love you for yourself and NOT hit you. The unfortunate fact is that unless your husband's willing to go through extensive therapy, he will hit you again. I'm not trying to tell you what to do, I'm just suggesting that you love yourself enough to do what you need to in order to be safe. Hitting is abuse. Please take care, and if you need to talk, you can email me if you like. By the way, there are lots of groups out there that can help you to get away and will even help you get an apartment or something so you can be safe. If you email me your location, I can help you locate some. Good luck to you sweetie!
2006-09-14 15:24:26 · answer #2 · answered by pisceanwillow 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All I had to read was the word "hitting" and my advice is simple. You have no other choice but to leave. Bi-polar causes unpredictable behavior at times. You cannot control yourself. If you get into a situation with your husband and he reacts badly, he could kill you. This is a recipe for disaster.
You probably are suffering from very low self esteem. That's why you haven't left yet. Get a friend to help you decide what to do right now. You need help to think clearly and get yourself out of a violent situation. This is beyond what you can do yourself. Get help now and get out. Confronting your husband now will only lead to violence.
2006-09-14 15:24:04 · answer #3 · answered by Kelli 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG OMG OMG (im stuttering over here its so simular)
the same thing EXACT same thing ....I was pissed all the time ....went to the doc's was told i was BiPolar found out later that it wasnt that... it was HIM. I was so damn mad at everything he did to me that I was just mad everyday. Yes the hitting the psycological abuse him telling me I was the crazy one! AND worst of all the continous drinking the staying out all night,not calling.
I left him!
Point Blank that was all I could do....he eventually got in so much trouble with the law that he finally learned that the problem wasnt me , and has since appologized to me for everything but.......I'll NEVER forgive him. I know I should get some help but .....Im pretty happy now.
I do understand that you were diagnosed at a younger age, and got help (meds) but DO NOT let this man make you nutters just because he cant face his own issues. Hes going to use your illness as HIS excuse. ITS WRONG and I feel for you.
2006-09-14 15:23:26 · answer #4 · answered by Coyote 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're "crazy" for putting up with him. I know you love him, or you wouldn't still be with him...... If he's abusive and you're worried about him drinking and hitting you when you ask, do you have family that lives close enough but far enough away that you could legitimately spend the night with. If so, go there, ask him about it while you're there (not infront of the relatives, just so they're in the house with you)..... that way, you're safe. Your safety and well being should come first. If he loves you he should have no problem going with you to this
2006-09-14 15:21:14 · answer #5 · answered by rachael 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What he's hitting you and your staying? I absolutely don't understand that. Your making it worse for yourself. You need to get away from that man before he kills you. He may be the reason your bi-polar. That man is bad for you health. Husband's are suppose to help you not hurt you. What are you doing with him! Try to get help for you both. Good luck and God bless you.
2006-09-14 15:25:05 · answer #6 · answered by aimstir31 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
who is doing the drinking and hitting? If you are then maybe you should get counseling for yourself first, and then get him to go with the excuse that it is part of your therapy not his. If he is doing the abuse, you should just leave, counseling and quacks are pretty much a waste of money all they do is tell you obvious things that anyone should know, but since they have a degree people think their word is god.
2006-09-14 15:20:40 · answer #7 · answered by tomhale138 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i left my ex just a month and a half ago, he said i was crazy, it was all in my head, i brought it on myself etc, after he was charged a couple times with assault, unlawful confinement-kidnapping(and i kept taking him back) i started to realize i didn't like the person i was becoming. Yelling, name calling, throwing things(back), quite violent which is so against my nature-i finally got the sense to leave and still trying to go back to the good natured,funny, person that i once was.saving urself is better late than never----luv,finally free, g luck hun
2006-09-14 16:19:23 · answer #8 · answered by qt pie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm surprised you didn't leave him while all the hitting and drinking was going on as you call it. Be straight forward with him, tell him the truth and tell him that you would like you both to go seek help. If he says no, leave him!
2006-09-14 15:32:03 · answer #9 · answered by WENDY G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him that it does have to do with you as well as him. (in a way it does because he is effecting you). explain to him that you want to work things out but the only way you can is together. Hopefully he wont get upset and want to seek help. Maybe by working together will bring you two closer together and make your relationship stronger. good luck in any case
2006-09-14 15:20:11 · answer #10 · answered by ~Ang~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋