I had to lie about my sexual orientation to my husband's sister who found my "bi" wording in a profile I had online. I told her I had accidentally hit the wrong button, mismarking Bi. I am married. I am straight now. I have not always been straight. His family is ok but his sister (the one closest to him) is so possessive and she's always looking for something negative about me to pin on me. Last night, I got this letter from her asking me if I was bi or if it was accidental on a myspace profile. I told her it was accidental. Her family is so judgemental. What would you have done? Do you think I did the right thing? Why is she always looking for something negative about me to bring into the picture, rather than something good? It seems I've got a long life history of this with my own mother...and I can not handle it at this stage in my life. I'm 41. She's 41. It's very frustrating to be treated this way at our age...and my husband, of course, is on his family's side.
2006-09-14 08:08:12 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Other - Society & Culture
You should tell her to mind her own business you are 41 years old and your personal life don't concern her one bit. Then tell your husband that you don't appreciate her sticking her nose in your personal life and always judging you.
2006-09-14 08:14:38 · answer #1 · answered by deadly_rose_04 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you did the right thing, even though I am against lying. I probably would not have answered her and put the shoe on the other foot, asking her why she was so interested in me and was looking for some kind of fault.. Ask her if she is bi and how her marriage is ect.. Put her on the defensive and just tell her that she has no business investigating your life..
You should not list yourself that way as you are violating your husbands confidence and people may think you are looking for someone else..
I have a hunch that this sister has something secret going on in her life that she doesn't want out.. But anyway it is not her business it is between you and your husband.. I would just stop answering her on anything personal..
2006-09-14 15:15:22 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would have lied. Why tell the truth in a situation that is going to cause you more grief!!?? No thank you! Its not her business! It is no ones business what your sexual orientation is!
She wrote you a letter...and she is 41 years old??? Have you ever considered moving away from his family?
I think you have put up with enough. If it were my husband I would tell him that either we were seriously cutting back on "family time" or I want a divorce. You aren't saying that they are forbidden in your home or anything that drastic, but you are laying a healthy boundary and as your spouse he should be able to respect that. Men often times are blind...so I wish you a lot of luck!!
2006-09-14 15:27:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anne A 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Actually, you didn't lie so don't feel bad about it. You did say you are straight now and you were bi in the past. So let the past stay in the past. She obviously has something against you. Maybe she has always been your husband's favorite until you came along and "ruined" their relationship. Who knows? The last thing you want is to get in her face and start a quarrel. Better just stay out of it, let her do her own thing, and try to be as nice to her as possible. Don't let her know that what she is doing is aggravating you, it would only empower her...and empower her to do more.
2006-09-14 15:15:25 · answer #4 · answered by Emi 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you don't want to be tripped up, you need to *immediately* go and change your myspace profile to say you're straight - if you haven't done so already. You also need to tell your husband about this, if you haven't done so yet. His sister WILL talk to him about this, and you want him to be prepared. You want him to hear the news from you, not from her.
What would I have done? It's hard to say for sure about something like that, if you haven't actually faced the situation. Probably the best approach would've been to smile and say something like "Thanks for pointing it out. However, my past is nobody's business but mine and my husband's".
It probably wasn't a good idea to lie. I can practically guarantee she didn't believe you: sexual orientation is such a sensitive thing that people really don't have "accidents" of that kind.
2006-09-14 15:23:32 · answer #5 · answered by Bramblyspam 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if you think you are not bi anymore maby you should tell your husband that at one time you were bi, that way if it comes up from that meddling sister in law of yours or from anyone for that matter it wont seam like your hiding anything. Being honest is the best way to go, if he loves you he wont care what you may have tried in the past. I just think it is important that he hears it from you and not another.
2006-09-14 15:18:37 · answer #6 · answered by jeremy_Grewal 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're 41 and having to do this?
You need to analyze what is important to you. For the time being, you have done a protective move, but this is going to come out sooner or later.
2006-09-14 15:12:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why would you put Bi on your site if (a) you are now straight as you claim and (b) you are not completely comfortable telling people of your bi-sexual feelings?
I think there is more going on.
Also, if your spouse is aware of your bisexual past, and accepts it, then your concerns about the sister knowing is foolish.
2006-09-14 15:16:27 · answer #8 · answered by Wundt 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
yeah you did ok you said you were straight now, but that lie didn't hurt noone. some times a small coverup is ok. as long as you don't hurt anyone with she shouldn't have been snooping and spying on you in the first place as she didn't see your profile by accident she looked you up on it.
2006-09-14 15:14:29 · answer #9 · answered by Mary S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The big question is does your husband know the truth? It's none of his sister's business, but if you don't want people to know, then why are you putting it on an internet profile that they could read?
2006-09-14 15:13:34 · answer #10 · answered by kat 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋