My wife of 25 years divorced me this summer due to my alcoholism. I have been sober now for almost three weeks and wanted to see her. She says shes not ready and dosen't know when it will be. How do I get her back?
2006-09-14 07:49:03 · 20 answers · asked by Pipe Guy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Instead of being concerned about what you can't change (her wanting to see you), concentrate on what you CAN change.. YOURSELF.... it takes more than just a few weeks it's a life-time commitment.
2006-09-14 07:59:27 · answer #1 · answered by tampico 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That would depend how long you've been an alcoholic. From a woman's point of view, she's had hopes for you to be sober since day 1 you turned alcoholic. And since day 1, she's been disappointed. Depending on how long her disappointment lasts, which has to be pretty long, for her to divorce you after 25 yrs, being sober for 3 weeks does not mean anything to her.
However you must be strong and still hang in there without her support. What you are doing - being sober, is not only good for you but for all the people who care about you as well. So keep it up.
As long as she can see that you're constantly sober, it will lead her to trust you again. Right now, I doubt she trusts that you will keep sober for long. So she does not want to see you in case it raises her hopes again and she gets disappointed again. It's natural. She doesn't want to get hurt again. If you are serious to keep sober, give her time. Proof to her that you can be sober forever and she will gradually come around.
2006-09-14 07:56:40 · answer #2 · answered by Tulip B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While I commend you for getting sober, I wonder if you are in a program.... And following it..
It's been 3 weeks sober after how many years drunk?
Now is not the time to worry about getting your ex-wife back, now is the time to get yourself through the 365 days one at a time to reach your first year sober, then your next 365 days for the second....
After all the hurt and dissappointment your drinking has caused her she may never want to get back with you... The trust she once had in you was eroded away by drinking....
It's difficult to face the facts sometimes and the facts here are, you were ding something exceptionally selfish until 3 weeks ago and are now doing something new that is exceptionally selfish, You want her to forgive you immediately for all the hurts and get her back when she has a very good reason not to want you back...
As you are sober longer and work your program (If you are not in a program get in one NOW) you will learn that alcoholism burns aalot of bridges and many of them are impossible to rebuild..
2006-09-14 08:06:36 · answer #3 · answered by Diane (PFLAG) 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know she did the right thing by divorcing you. The divorce slapped you pretty hard and got you to sober up. The problem for her is that three weeks of sobriety is good, but not enough to inspire trust and confidence.
To get her back, you have to remain sober. Let her know that you're willing to do whatever takes to repair the relationship. Be kind, caring, and trustworthy.
Be where you are supposed to be, doing what you are supposed to do, when you are supposed to.
See a counselor with her. Get her to attend some Al-Anon meetings if she isn't doing that already.
She has been though hell and needs to heal too.
2006-09-14 07:57:44 · answer #4 · answered by Otis F 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your ex wife needs some time and space. I'm sure you've told you (ex) wife many times before the divorce that you'd quit drinking, and you probably did. But, within a matter of time you "fell off the wagon". She may not trust you right now. She may be thinking, "yeah, right. He's sober today, but what about the next time he has a bad day at work." I say you give her some space and a lot more time. You may never get her back, but if you're patient and play your cards right, you may gain a friend.
BTW, congratulations on your sobriety!!!
2006-09-14 08:04:55 · answer #5 · answered by vitamin D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im sorry about your divorce but I acknowledge you for doing something about your drinking. Look, time takes time you know that so you have to bare with that. She apparently didnt like how you were as an alcoholic thats why she left. But lets not dwell on that. You are now trying to have her return to you. She is probably just plain scared of you at this point. For her, she is probably somewhat relieved and is now dealing with a whole new life and new circumstances and you need to give her time. You are ready for her back, but she may not want the same. You must eventually and very slowly prove to her and win her trust and show her you are now a new (and I mean entirely ) new man clean of alcohol. Show her in time but dont push and smother her. That wont win her over. Keep looking too at your responsibility to you and seeing to it that you have this drinking under control. She probably has this listening of you that whatever you say is not so. Follow thru with what you say and she will hopefully begin to trust and understand you again. Good luck.
2006-09-14 07:54:49 · answer #6 · answered by Uncertainty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Due to the reason why she divorced you,you may have to accept that she may not ever take you back because of your addiction and 3 weeks isnt even long enough for her to consider taking you back you should give yourself more time as well as her because if she takes you back right now how does she know that you wont fall off the wagon within the next 3 weeks take it one day at a time addictions are rough I hope you joined a support group but dont expect her to believe a word that you say right now besides shes already heard them from you.
2006-09-14 08:02:01 · answer #7 · answered by CaliMa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give her time, at least she is still speaking to you. You are a very good man for trying to make your marriage work but remember if you really love her you will give her all the time she needs just make sure you stick with it and stay sober the more improvement you make the more she will start talking to you she is probably not ready because she wants to see if you are serious about being sober
2006-09-14 07:54:43 · answer #8 · answered by Jenna 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey guy, your ways ruined your life. you loved alcohol more than ur life & wife. so, now start to think of the good old days u had with her and try to love her and win her in ur life again. it might take more time 4 her to get healed. dont' u have kids to sort this out? where are ur kids? as ur wife did, did they too leave you? then it's too late and late means u never catch the right way to life back again. think hard. - malini
2006-09-14 07:59:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have been and alcoholic a lot longer than your new sobriety. Work on your own life right now and be happy with yourself first.
Be prepared that she may never take you back, but that doesn't mean you can't have a great life anyway.
Good luck.
2006-09-14 07:53:17 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
You just need to give her time. Congratulations to you for changing your ways. What you need to undersatnd though is that to her 3 weeks may not seem like long enough yet. Maybe she needs to see that you are really committed to quitting. Try to keep in touch with her and let her know your progress. Let her know that you realized what you needed to do for yourself. Tell her that even though she left you, you would still appreciate if she give you another chance someday. You can't sound pushy about it though. Just give her time. Obviously you care about her enough to make changes and eventually she'll realize that. try to be patient.
2006-09-14 07:57:56 · answer #11 · answered by sexy lady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋