Has anyone had a spouse cheat on them?

Question

If so how did you handle it? Did you work things out? Was sex ever the same? How long did it take you to heal and to be able to trust again? My wife cheated on me, and im needing advice from those who have been through it. Thanks

Answer 1

-No but I can tell you my story from her side. I was lonely in my marriage. Now, keep in mind, I never blamed my husband for any of this. I was lonely & experimenting with the thought BDSM sex. I knew he couldn't fulfill me anymore. Then this guy came along, and I was taken. I went to his house one night & got stupid drunk. I had sex with him. I felt so good about myself, but I knew my marriage would never be the same in my eyes. My best friend whom I confided in told my husband. He confronted me. It was just over. I was sooo hurt & lonely. I was despirate for love. It was just over. We divorced shortly after. Almost 2 years later we are back together. The distrust still lingers but we did a lot of searching within ourselves to get where we are today. A lot of pain. I don't know if you ever "recover" from the hurt. Time helps somewhat.

Answer 2

Wife did many years ago. I showed her the door and told her that she stays or goes its up to her but the rules for staying changed.
I took charge and kept close tabs. I was not an abuser so there was nothing she could blame me for. I did not accept that inattention was a reason for hurting me that way. Trust came 90% back in about 6 months. It never came 100% back ,maybe 98%. It really does not hurt to be a bit suspicious anyway. It certainly caused me to be to question her motives for unusual plans.She understood that I would not ever forgive a second occurance. I also demanded she adopt a different attitude toward me. As for sex it will take a while to get over the urge to revenge F for a while. I refuse to accept that it isn't all that important since she went to such lenghts to get some other. We stayed together and have two great sons to show for it. If you decide to stay together she needs to detail what she was thinking and don't let her blame you. She needs to assure it will never happen again. She also needs to admit that she leaves with nothing more than clothing if you catch her ever again. She's given up the right to be treated like anything more than a naughty child for a while. If that is a problem there's the door. Let her stay voluntarily with new rules. This was 25 years go so it can work out but it is not easy for that first year after. Remember that you have already dealt with the big shock and pain. If you toss her out you are compounding the pain with loss. You don't need to seperate if she gives you some assurance that she understands how much hurt you have endured at her hands and that she will never do it to you again.

Answer 3

I feel your pain! I was cheated on too, it's been 5 years now, but still hurts at times. I did leave him for awhile, but came back hoping it was just a painful mistake and things would eventually pan out. We had a rough year after getting back together. Things did work out and I do think it was a mistake, I still don't know if it will happen again, but I keep my hopes up that it wont. We did attend counseling, trying to help me get my hurt feelings out in the open. Needless to say, trusting him completely is out of the picture, but day by day, I trust a little bit more and more. I will say this, if you love your spouse and feel you can't live life without her and she feels the same way back.... then try again. If you don't think you can recover from the pain, then leave. But know that once you have left, there is a chance of never coming back. The first year will be hard... I sure do know the pain you must be feeling and although counseling is a pain in the rear, it sure does help some. Good luck, I sure hope your life straightens out soon, I am betting you feel completely upside down right now and your not alone, it happens to many of us.

Answer 4

My ex-wife cheated on me also. We tried afterwards to keep the marriage going because of my son. But that didn't work out. I may have forgiven her but I never forgot and always wondered in the back of my mind if she was cheating again. The faith and trust I had in her was lost forever. You often ask yourself if it was your fault that the person cheated. FAct of the matter is, the person will cheat on you no matter what you do. It's my experience to walk away and find someone who isn't a cheater. You know what they say.."Once a cheater always a cheater!" My ex cheated more than once and I think it was because I forgave her the first time. She viewed it as I was easy and that she could get away with it anytime. There never is really a good answer for a situation like this. It depends on the person if they can handle it and still love that person and trust them. Since your asking this question I feel that the trust is gone. Good luck in your decision and let me know what you decide. I myself am curious on how someone should handle it.

Answer 5

my daughter was cheated on by her husband and friend..she was hurt really bad and no the sex isnt the same because u dont know if they r thinkin of u or the other person..my daughter had to see this woman in church pretty much everyday and it was hard for her to deal with it so she just ended it..it didnt take long for her to recover but she still has some trust issues but not everyone will cheat shes with this great guy and he treats her with the respect and honesty she should be treated..here is her id if u want to email her and talk to her for some advice or comfort she has been thru alot and im sure she could help u its [e-mail]..i hope u get to feeling better and good luck in the future just keep ur head up and look for the good in people even tho its hard but it will make things easier for u...

Answer 6

Yes, and very recently. We are working things out, and by me saying we are working things out, I mean it takes WORK and a lot of it. I am still healing and working through it, but the key is that I am not working through it alone. WE are working on things TOGETHER. As far as being able to trust him again, I know that I can, I know that it takes a lot of work, and a lot of prayer. And there's more than just trust that you have to work on. You also have to FORGIVE. Now everyone has their own definition of forgiveness, but I get my definition from Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father. You must forget to truly forgive. If you don't do both, then you don't have true forgiveness and you will NEVER move forward.

There are definately questions that you need to ask yourself and be completely honest with the answers. Some of the questions I asked myself was "How much am I willing to endure for this marriage?" "If I forgive him, will I stay with him?" And it wasn't easy to answer.

Most people would say walk away, get out of it. But if the TWO of you are willing to work at it, willing to move past it, willing to really committ to each other, then why not try and work things out? Remember, you are not the only one who has to trust again....you are both rebuilding, starting over.

Answer 7

When things were on the out my wife went AC/DC. We divorced for 2 year and remarried. It goes in spurts (pardon the pun). Sex and intimacy requires trust for it to be enjoyable.

We've had to work on communication EVERYDAY. We had to talk at least a 1/2 per day, we became friends again, and trust is growing...

We went to a counselor for a while to help us get started..

It takes work, is she remorseful? Or oblivious?

Answer 8

My b/f whom I consider to be my husband has did it to me twice we are in the midst of the second time. We have 2 children under 2 years old and I am a full time college student. I found out about the other woman on tuesday of this week and am still in shock. He has moved out and doesn't know what he wants.? I am confused and hurt and lonely. Keep yourself busy and if need be see a counselor I will probably go tomorrow myself to get some meds for panic attacks that are overwhelming me. I want to work things out but know in my heart he will do it again to me and our children. Keep strong and find out what YOU want. I haven't been able to trust him fully since the first time Good luck to you and remember that you are not alone in this...I am there too..God bless and stay strong!

Answer 9

Yes , I found out that my first wife cheated on me not once but three times so I ended up Divorcing her.
I hope this helps you. Good luck and God bless.
You might want to try some counseling or something if you can but you don't want to let this go very easily because she's likely to cheat on you again.

Answer 10

My husband cheated on me and that was the end of a thirteen year marriage. His betrayal changed our marriage. I have been divorced for two years now and I am in a new relationship. I couldn't be happier. It gets easier. If you can work things out then you should try. I never recommend divorce, but that is the only way I knew that I would be okay.