I am gay but loath other gay men?

Question

I live in Boston mass. It sems as if Gay men here just stand around and do not speak to anyone UNLESS SEX IS INVOLVED. I am married Gay married and gay men Just do not Respect that

Answer 1

First off, you're being a tad presumptuous.

Secondly, you obviously have run into some jerks who don't respect you.

Third, because of some jerks, you seem quite ready to condemn an entire group, sounds a lot like what Christians do to us everyday.

How about you take a deep breath, suck up your pride a bit, and realize that not every gay man talks about sex all the time. Further, we have enough enemies without having some in our own midst. Finally, remember that we fought the right to live as we wish, some wish to whore around others want to marry. Accept it. Period. End of discussion.

Answer 2

I totally hear you which is why I stay away from the whole "scene" and people all together. In my opinion, you can't find a gay friend unless there's an attraction one way or the other which in that case isn't a friendship. I think that's why lots of gay guys hang with girls. I have a boyfriend and am not the least bit interested in meeting any other gay guy even for friendship. I have my str8 friends and my girl friends and that's good enough. If you like being in the scene...it's just something you have to deal with unfortunately...

Answer 3

Hmmm. Maybe you are looking for friends in the wrong places. My partner and I have many gay friends...and I do mean just friends...sex in NOT involved. They are just decent people. Try to find other gay couples that you can have a friendship with. Just look for people that share your same interests and have respect for you and your partner.

If you have a Gay and Lesbian Center in your area they may have family events or get-togethers. Our center here has a family event every month and a club called the "Pop Luck Club" for Gay Dad's and their families. All the kids get to play and the Dad's get to chat about the kids, and school and so on.

I hope you find some good friends. Take Care!

Answer 4

Well if you are married then it should not be a real big problem. You already have a mate so perhaps you should just make friends with straight people or Lesbians. In reality, few single people straight or gay, respect the sanctity of marriage. The fact that you do and do not step outside your marriage is what sets you apart from many. Be happy with your other half and focus on keeping that relationship healthy.

Answer 5

I grew up in the Boston area, and I now live in California. I have to tell you that it is in part a cultural thing - you are expected to keep your distance, and not converse, and heaven forbid not touch someone, until you have flirted with them or caught their eye for what seems like forever.

When I first moved to CA, and someone I had not "eyelocked" walked up and patted my behind as a way of saying hello, I nearly jumped a foot! :o)

This doesn't mean that you have to buy into this cultural pattern. If you see someone interesting, walk over and say hello. It doesn't necessarily mean you want to have sex with them, no matter what the other person thinks. You can make that even clearer with a very neutral question, like "I haven't been to this bar/restuarant/coffee shop before, do you like it?" That doesn't mean you can't ask other directed questions later if the conversation goes well.

You could even say, "Is this coffee shop/meeting/class more fun when people talk to each other?"

Good luck!

Answer 6

I do not blame you at all. Most of the time any conversation between two gay men has to deal with sex. I would say about 95% of the time, that subject has came up. I am tired of the comments, induendos, etc that comes up. I am also partnered and yet I am tired of hanging around the "gay" crowd. I do not like going to gay bars or anything similar. I am more comfortable around the straight bars or dance clubs because then I know that they are not checking me out and im not checking them out either.

Doesn't matter where you live....It's all over the place.

Answer 7

Gee amazingly, gay men don't like someone who treats them like shallow sex fiends and acts all holier-then-thou because they are married. Shocking. It has been my experiance that you reap what you sow. My friends are full of love, compassion, warmth, and committment, and we've certainly run into our share of jerks who don't know us assuming that we're all about sex (because we have it and are not ashamed) or accusing us of being the shallow mean ones without knowing thing one about us. That's called being a bitter old queen. If other gay people happily living their lives bothers you so much, stay home with your husband and for petes sake leave the other gay men alone. Trust me, they wont miss you.

Answer 8

Sounds like your attempting to hang out in areas with single gay men...Try to split away from that scene. Tons of different things that you can do other than the bars, just look around.

Answer 9

What you describe sounds unfair but normal to me! I think these other guys, str8 or gay, are just jealous of your happiness. I've seen both men and women, str8 and gay, do the exact thing.

Change your venue and check out other crowds.

Answer 10

Your question is a little confusing. Are you married to a man or a woman? If a man why are you not out with your partner - then you can talk to him.....

Are you only going out to bars? If so then why not try going to other places, joing a bowling league, a softball team, something active.