"Don't touch Frank until I get back. I should be back pretty soon. If he triest escape, lock him in the basement. Don't give him any food or water. I'm not sure how long I'll be gone."
The man leaves, but comes back to find out Frank has escaped
"Frank needs to be punished for what he's done. I want his brother (Joe) to watch this."
"Haven't the boys been through enough?"
Suddenly they heard a loud crashing sound and they ran upstairs to find Frank missing.
"Screw the idiot! Everyone search for him now! We have to find him!"
---
Thanks in advance. This is about the Hardy Boys. Any help is aprechated. To read the story (what I've written so far with my brother), go to fanfiction.net and find the hardy boys section in the book and read 'echos of the past.'
thanks in advance,
me
2006-09-14 05:28:26 · 9 answers · asked by I think... 6 in Education & Reference ➔ Words & Wordplay
I'll give ten points to someone who can give me decent advice -- they don't need to rephrase the whole thing
2006-09-14 05:34:11 · update #1
"Don't touch Frank until I get back. I should be back pretty soon. If he triest escape, lock him in the basement. Don't give him any food or water. I'm not sure how long I'll be gone."
In the quote above I would advise making a decision. Either Speaker 1 does not know how long he will be away or he knows he will be back pretty soon. You have Speaker 1 saying that he will be back pretty soon AND that he does not know how long he will be gone. Eliminate one of those sentences from the quote.
"If he triest escape"
If he tries to escape
"I'm leaving but I'll be back soon. Do not touch Frank unless he tries to escape. If he does, lock him in the basement. Don't give him anything to eat or drink."
"Frank needs to be punished for what he's done. I want his brother (Joe) to watch this."
I'm gonna teach Frank whose running things up in here and I want Joe to witness the lesson.
"Screw the idiot! Everyone search for him now! We have to find him!"
That little punk skipped out on us! Get everyone a flashlight, we are going to search every inch of this property until we find him!
Keep writing Buddy. Writing continually is the best way to improve one's skills as a writer. Good luck with your fan fiction novel. I loved Nancy Drew when I was a girl.
2006-09-14 05:39:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
"Don't touch Frank until I get back. Don't give him any food or water; if he tries to escape, lock him in the basement. I'm not sure how long I'll be gone, but I should be back pretty soon. "
"Frank needs to be punished for what he's done. I want his brother (Joe) to watch this."
"Haven't the boys been through enough?"
Suddenly they heard a loud crashing sound and they ran upstairs to find Frank missing.
"Screw the idiot! Everyone search for him now! We have to find him!"
There were some small problems with the first paragraph, and you had indicated when the man returned Frank was gone. Then you said there was a loud noise and they went upstairs to find Frank had escaped. There was a sequencing problem with that, so I erased one sentence.
Good Luck!
2006-09-14 05:41:54 · answer #2 · answered by Missy A 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"Don't touch Frank until I get back. I should'nt be long. If he tries to escape, lock him in the basement, and don't give him any food or water."
The man leaves, but comes back to find that Frank has escaped.
"Frank needs to be punished for what he has done! I want his brother, Joe, to watch this."
"Haven't the boys been through enough?"
Suddenly there's a loud crash upstairs. When they get there they find that Frank is missing.
Now, Screw the idiot and everyone search for him now don't match, you need to either say screw him or seach for him. Maybe use a different word other than screw (another swear word)
also, where it says haven't the boys been through enough, you need to state who is talking.
Hope this helps!
2006-09-14 05:42:35 · answer #3 · answered by stangwoman 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"Put Frank in the basement until I get back so he can't escape. I'm not sure how long I'll be gone but he is to have no food or water."
"What? Frank escaped? He needs to be punished for this and I want his brother (Joe) to watch."
"Haven't the boys been through enough?"
"What was that crashing sound from upstairs? Frank escaped again?"
"That idiot!" "We can't have him out running around!" "Come on, everyone split up! "We have to find him now!"
2006-09-14 05:40:12 · answer #4 · answered by kksay 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"Don't touch Frank unitl I get back. No food or water. If he tries to escape, lock him in the basement. I'm not sure how long I'll be."
"What was that?"
"Frank is gone! He has to be punished for what was done."
"Everyone look - find him and his brother Joe, we wouldn't want him to miss it."
2006-09-14 05:39:24 · answer #5 · answered by foxsmomnd 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Suddenly they heard a lound crashing sound and they ran upstairs to find Frank missing.
"Didn't I tell you guys to keep an eye on him in case he escapes." The man yells in frustration.
"Everyone search for him now! We have to find him!" Everyone begins to leave the room to go look for Frank. " I want Joe to see what happens to idiots who try and escape."
Hope this helps...
I use to write short stories in college... that brought back memories of proferssors red pens and me up late with coffee....lol
good luck
2006-09-14 05:41:08 · answer #6 · answered by Tyana 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it is an extremely wealthy photograph of holiness that looks too plenty to place across in one sentence. i could attempt 2, or greater sentences rather: Holiness ability no longer in trouble-free terms needing God, yet in addition loving and working in direction of righteousness. This want, love and righteousness will blossom from a relentless exercising of expertise of right and incorrect to be certain precise from incorrect. yet, the entire culmination of holiness ripen in trouble-free terms in the presence of an ardent purpose of doing all you could nevertheless to thrill God. words and strategies well worth thinking approximately.
2016-12-12 08:20:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you can rephrase it, but it changes the character of the dialogue sort of like removing the twang out of a southern accent.
2006-09-14 05:37:12 · answer #8 · answered by waplambadoobatawhopbamboo 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
y dont u try that
and tell us abt that???
2006-09-14 05:39:37 · answer #9 · answered by ambi 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋