Is ABSTINENCE the answer?

Question

Brief background..College sophomore student, 18 years old in a year monogamous relationship..

Anyways I have been thinking these days that maybe abstinence is right for me. I tried it so many times but I failed because I really love and enjoy having sex with my wonderful man and my libido is above the ceiling...

I'm using a very effective birth control (copper iud plus condoms). I know it's very effective but I don't know how effective. I'm not really ready for pregnancy. Is abstinence the answer? Does anybody feel the same way that I do? Because as of now I kinda feel alone on this. Thanks in advance for any replies

Answer 1

That depends on what is bothering you, pregnancy or morality? if its pregnancy you are worried about start taking oral contraceptives, they are quite effective, and if its morality then as long as you do love your bf and are sincere in your relationship, I dont think you are wrong

Answer 2

As a Male, I think I understand where you are coming from. Pregnancy is a very serious topic. However, a woman like male, need sexual stimuli while remaining in their comfort zones.

Abstinence is definitely a anti-pregnancy pill. you are take all the pre-cautious steps in maintaining a safe and pleasurable sex-life, But please try not to be OVER do it. (Doing so will be more damaging)
If you really don't want to indulge in sex then try other forms of sex that don't involve penetration. Try mutual masturbation, using toys, oral techniques, & (ect...), that stimulate both partners.

I've tried the abstinence thing, and I understand now that I have my desires. Don't work aginst them work with them.

You probably should seriuosly discuss this issue the your partner. Because, throwing on the chastiy belt without fair warning will ALWAYS cause tension. He may, think you are teasing playing hard to get; or he may thing that you no longer feel the same way. To totally withhold sex is affects you and your parner

(Alright im sounding really wordy and I am clearly talking to much trying to fix something thats not broke [like a man]. think about it and good luck)

Answer 3

If you're looking for endorsements for abstinence, you'll find plenty in this forum (though not necessarily from me).
However, since you've been in a committed sexual relationship for a while, abstinence is probably NOT the best choice at this point (you can't go back to where you started).
It is only the answer if you're willing to give up what you have (a "wonderful man"). I'll tell you right now that if you suddenly tell him you're gluing your knees shut, he'll eventually hit the road in search of friendlier pastures....just a fact of life.

Since you're using DOUBLE birth control, the chances of pregnancy are as close to zero as you can get...without having sex.

I would veto that choice in favor of maybe looking into tripling up (use another barrier method like Lea's Shield or even tracking ovulation and not having sex during your "fertile" time) rather than abstaining completely.

My hat's off to you for considering such a personally responsible choice; however, you seem to be doing everything right - no sense cutting such a good thing out of your life... The old adage: cutting off your nose to spite your face comes to mind.
It is ultimately a personal choice that you and your man have to make TOGETHER; I'm not about to tell you to stop - it's neither my place nor my responsibility.

Answer 4

I do believe abstinence is the answer!
I'm a Christian, but don't get me wrong. I don't believe this simply because this is what I've always been taught. I didn't follow my faith all my life, and I've learned a lot of things from personal experience.

While sex is enjoyable, I believe it can be so much better when you wait until you're married. There are a few reasons for this. One is that once you're married, you know you want to be with that person for the rest of your life. I kind of regret the emotional pain I've been through after having sex with different people. Sex creates a stronger emotional bond, and when two people get married, they both want to be together for the rest of their lives, then their relationship is strengthened by their sex life.
If you think about what you really want, think of your reasons for thinking abstinence may be right for you, you'll know. Also, if that is what you want to do, talk to your boyfriend about it. He may be shocked but should respect your decision.
I think if he loves you, he can learn to appreciate your view on that. I've heard of couples who have done that. This one guy decided that it made sense not to have sex until he was married (he was already living with a girl), and he told his girlfriend. She didn't completely understand, but she just basically said, ok if that's what you feel is right, we'll stop having sex until we're married. And it worked for them.

I hope i've been able to help.

Answer 5

Yeah it is. You're smart for thinking that. There's a lot of reasons and you've named a few. The best reason is because at your age guys just want sex. We're nowhere near thinking about a commitment. Even the ones you think are the good guys are cheating or scoping out our next girlfriend. It's human nature. If you don't want to get used then hold off on sex for a few more years,and when you have sex don't do it with just anyone. Be more selective, like make a rule where you only do it with 1 in 10 guys you date or something like that. Good luck.

Answer 6

Actually i think the IUD is a very very good form of birth control but as you are not ready for parenthood believe me abstinence is defiantly the 100% way to be sure it doesn't happen. There are other ways that your bf and u can pleasure one and other without the full contact sport!! Try it if he loves u he will understand!!

Answer 7

Have you discussed this with your boyfriend? You have already been in a sexual relationship with him and to want to suddenly stop is going to probably frustrate the heck out of him. If you want a more effective birth control method, talk to your gynecologist and see if the pill, the patch, Depo-Provera or an IUD would be right for you.

Answer 8

well if u fear pregancny and don't know what may happen use a condom when having sex and then after the session take a birth control and u should not get preganant but remember that be careful with the pill because your body adapts and then when u want to have kids u can't also if u fear it so much just back off from sex itself or dont have it so often o try mastrabating...

Answer 9

Your combined birth control should be very effective. It is possible that you will get pregnant, just very very unlikely. You have to take some risks in life. If you go out, you risk being in an accident. If you stay at home, you risk developing cardiovascular disease.

Your precautions should be adequate. I'm sure there are more pressing things for you to worry about.

Please note: I'm not suggesting everyone go lose their virginity. I'm saying this questioner, who is happily sexually active, should feel comfortable that she has taken reasonable precautions to prevent pregnancy.

Answer 10

regardless of how you feel about abstinence, it IS the only way to keep from getting pregnant.

i was a virgin for quite some time (for the same reason), and it actually worked out very well for both of us, bc we had to find other ways of having fun (and i don't mean miniature golf).

good luck with whatever you decide, and while it is ultimately your decision, talk it over with your beau. it sounds like you all are committed, so it wouldn't be fair just to spring it on him.

Answer 11

If fear of pregnancy outweighs your desire for "relations" abstinence is the only answer. This is probably the reason that many people think sex should be reserved for after marriage.