what to do about jealousy?

Question

i have a problem with jealosy, my wifes work has invited my wife to a work function with alcohol, and because of where it is it is going to be a stay over night. iam furious with this, both with my wifes work for the disrespect and anxiety they have put on me and my wife for letting me go through it. i wittnessed time and time again trouble both in relationships where alcohol is involved and observing friends under the influence it can lead to terrible consequences no matter how good we think we are. i've read on the net how to overcome jealousy, but the question is do i want to!i have a real moral issue with this! i dont stop my wife spending nights with girlfriends. but going to a booze up on her own and spending the night i'm freaking. lets face it who of us on this earth can fully be trusted when alcohol has worn at our common sense and our self disipline. idont want to be a controlling freak does that mean i end this knowing i cant rise up against this, to ease her suffering!

Answer 1

My full time job is as an Executive's Assistant (fancy words for "secretary").....I work for a very large global company...I don't know about some of these other answer-ers...they must not have very good jobs but I tell you, I SEE how some of these married coworkers act with each other when they all go out to a bar after some sort of business meeting, corporate event, whatever.....and to have everyone stay in a hotel too????? I stay away from these type functions at all costs and go home where I belong to my man......

....You aren't jealous, no self respecting man wants his woman sitting in a bar with people that are virtually strangers to him.

Answer 2

You should consider facing the fact that your distrust of your wife on alcohol is in truth only a reflection of your feelings towards yourself. This is most likely on a subconscious level that you are not aware of. Additionally to help the immediate circumstances perhaps you and your wife should discuss the fact that while no one cares to admit it, the old "But I was Drunk" excuse is indeed nothing more than an excuse. Anyone who has used that line could only be truthful if they would also admit that at the time of the "incident" they took into consideration as a deciding factor "Well if anyone finds out I'll just say I was drunk". Make sure she understands that you consider that worthless as a reason. Practice meditation the night she's gone? Oh, and remember many people end up cheating because they are so often questioned and accused of it that they figure they may as well do it.

Answer 3

My suggestion to you would be to trust your wife, unless she has done somthing like this in the past, meaning she has gone out drinking and came home with her panies on backwards. Alcohole is not what makes women cheat, a bad relationship or lack of love and affection is what makes a woman cheat. The booze only relaxes her resolve and allows her to go with how she is feeling deep down inside. Going on and on about this is only going to show her how insucure you are, and trust me, women dont like that at all.
I would just tell her to have a good time, kiss her on the cheek the night she leaves and hope that I have done my job as a good husband and that she will come home.

Answer 4

I'd be exactly the same. A similar situation has actually happened but it was just a social event my man went to and not a work thing. He couldn't see anything wrong with it when I questioned it and it caused no end of trouble. It's really hard but I felt like if I had just said 'have a good time' it would have been better. To be honest I just couldn't get the words out. Is there any one else you can talk to who might be able to subtly keep an eye on her? Without spying of course, I just mean to more look after her than anything so she doesn't get drunk and taken advantage of. Good luck.

Answer 5

So is this a jealousy issue or a trust issue? I think you need to go over that and figure it out. Has she ever done anything to make you question her? I'll tell you what, my husband was extremely jealous when we first got together because I only had guy friends. But then over time he began to realize that trust was not the issue and had he not gotten over it he would have lost me....for something so stupid as jealousy. Be careful you may be in the same danger as this is your own self inflicted misery.

Answer 6

I think healthy relationships are baed on retaining your independence. Just because one gets married, it doesn't mean they lose their opportunities to enjoy simple, fun events in life. Enjoy the night away! Go out with the guys, enjoy a few beers and a game of pool. Watch a movie that she wouldn't want to see. Then, in the morning, meet for breakfast and laugh about every thing you said, saw or experienced. If you do things away from each other once in a while, you have more to talk about! When you "give" freedom it is respected and treated with trust. When you "with hold" it, people either do what they want anyway, or regret not doing it and harbor blame. Chances are, she wouldn't do anything that you wouldn't do...or is that the worry? Love each other freely....be supportive of her events if she truely wants to go. How fun! A slumber party with your friends. Wouldn't you want to do that? Or....would you rather her drive at night????

Answer 7

alcohol just allows one's inhibitions down but the desires were there even before the first drop. Why should she stay out all night. If she is too inebriated to drive then you should offer to go and pick her up while supporting her in a night out with the girls. If she isn't amenable then she is hiding her real plans for the evening. It's not wrong for you to be concerned just as it would be a concern for any wife whose husband routinely went out w/guys to tie one on etc....
This situation calls more for more than just simple jealousy it sounds more like a breach in trust and much more. If she really loved and valued your relationship she would compromise.

Answer 8

You have a real trust issue. If your wife has not cheated on you. You should have nothing to worry about. People go to these kind of work related functions all the time. If they are not cheaters they won't cheat here. It all comes down to trust. If you do not trust your wife and she has not given you good reason not to trust her you are over reacting in a very serious way.

Answer 9

I totally agree with you and I dont call it being jealous. I call it being realistic. Its all well in good to say we should all trust and that you cant have a relationship without it but the facts are the facts. Many many married people are cheating whether there is alcohol or not. I dont think people in committed relationships should do things like stay overnight somewhere else or go drinking with their friends. The facts are that when people do that they open the door for trouble. I'm not jealous, I'm realistic.

Answer 10

Jealousy Is a result of ones own low self esteem and insecurities. For your own good, the good of this and any future relationship I urge you to resolve this issue. Is your wife required to attend? Can you attend? Certainly she is not required to drink. sounds like that is an issue. Has your wife betrayed you? if not ,why then do you not trust her to behave responsibly? Really the one you should be furious with is your self , this is your issue and the world should not be expected to "work around " your fragility.