Okay, i have found a man that i have fallen in love with, he has told me that he is a sex offender and done research on him, but since right now he is in Jail i cannot see him, and get him to talk to me about anything, because hearing his voice hurts so much.. I appreciated the fact that he told me that he is a sex offender, and told me what happened, but there are gaps in his story that need to be filled in. I honestly love this man and have looked past his past and see a man that truly has love and respect for everyone around him, as long as he gets the same in return. Is it really possible for a person to change, he only has a single offense, and is reluctant to talk about it because he is embarassed about it. I really love this man and want to be with him for the rest of my life and have his children. CAN A SINGLE SEX OFFENDER CHANGE FOR ME(or the person that he loves).
2006-09-14 04:22:47 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Other - Cultures & Groups
Personally I think not. Men with this kind of problem that have had treatment, still re offend.I think you should be very careful here. You are willing to risk everything for this man,marriage, children.What happens if he re offends? What if you have children? Would you trust this man?When and if you marry,and he is out,on his own,what would be going through your mind? Is he/has he/will he? Would you trust him ? I think you would be entering a life of doubt,which can only lead to misery.Please do not make the mistake of feeling sorry for this person. Sex offenders have an uncanny knack of making all around them feel they have changed their ways. They show remorse,only to re offend when they cannot control their urge.From what you say,he is following all the trademarks of how a sex offender acts. Think about your future,think about any children you may have. Most of all, I hope you find the strength to leave this man,before he destroys you.
2006-09-14 04:58:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I see that overwhelmingly people have written him and to some degree you off. problem is that if this is the belief people have about sex offenders then they are misinformed and ignorant, First as you have been told...no one changes for another person....but for themselves or better yet because it is the right thing to do. So forget that. Studies show that most sex offenders repeat within 4 years of release, and that is with treatment. Different types of offences have different profiles of offenders...do some research on the profiles. If you intend to have a relationship with this person, be transparent, have him be very transparent so that his life can be an open book. better to know where an offender lives than to not. As a therapist i can tell you i have seen people change that were once considered hopeless.
2006-09-17 13:53:28 · answer #2 · answered by Therapist King 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As you can see from the answers, no one believes a convicted sex offender can change. Don't fool yourself. Even if he shows signs of change, there's the BIG possibiliy that he will do it again. And that is what is freaking everyone out.
A sex offender committed a crime that has to do with his nature. That's not something that will change because that is what he is.
Note also that if he was able to get you to fall for him, that is also how he got the victim to fall prey to him. It may also be a single offense because he got caught immediately but if not he may have done more. The fact that you say there are gaps to what he told you, there is a lot of reason to really doubt him. He's not worth it. Find someone else who will be less troublesome not just for you but for the peace of mind of the rest of society.
2006-09-14 05:08:43 · answer #3 · answered by Erize Z 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are very naive my dear and i know you can do better than a sex offender,what makes him so special?you havent stated what he does for you or what makes him special,you also didnt state what type of offender he is,(if it was a crime against children) of course it would matter if its against an adult too but i think you should really turn your back and run,most sex offenders re-offend,looking beyond someones past is one thing,but i would have a a hard time,well i would defianately draw the line when it comes to a sex offender,and im curious about your age also,hun you need to leave him alone,save yourself alot of grief.and i hope he is embarrest about being a sex offender,depending on the offence,if were against a child then he should die.but there is no info on his offence.you can do better hun.sex offenders almost always re-offend,do some research dear,and do you really want to be married to a sex offender?
2006-09-14 04:39:38 · answer #4 · answered by jen 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No one can change for you, they have to change for themselves. Get all the facts on his crime. If he was 19 and had a 17 year old girlfriend way back when...he could have been charged by the girl's parents or something. In that case, I would say that you two have a shot. But if he was an adult and the victim was CLEARLY underaged then I suggest that you find the nearest exit and bail!
2006-09-14 08:18:03 · answer #5 · answered by Nocturnal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he cannot face up to it he cannot overcome it and cannot put it behind him. If he was truely sorry for his craime he would be able to talk about it with you (the person he loves) and be able to give you some comfort level that he is beyond that now.
I would not be as concerned about his offense as his inability to discuss this very important issue with you. If you do not even know the facts of the crime how in the world can you trust him 100%. If you have to ask a group of strangers........well
2006-09-14 04:58:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Soon to be Mrs Saul...Hopefully,
I think that you need to examine why you are even attracted to him. Were you molested too?
For all those who are judging you and him as sick people, remember, society is not supposed to treat people they think are sick, poorly. So keep that point as a strength. Those people that hate him and probably you, are treating people they say are sick like they have no compassion. But not your problem, you want to marry one.
To this I say to you. Don't marry him. He IS sick. The problem isn't that he's sick, it's that you will not be able to trust him. If you want him for a relationship, and have sex with him, I guess it's whatever floats your boat, but marriage is only going to lead to into a life of Hell.
So why get married? By definition this guy is ready to perform without it. Just be friends and don't hurt yourself so much!
2006-09-14 04:43:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
lady or man who ever you are .get a life this person will need a lot of counseling you don't want to get hook up with these type of peoples .that crazy when all you see on the media how kids are being kill or exploded for sex . i for one think these peoples should be lock up for good away from our kids . fine you someone eles out there with some morals
2006-09-14 04:34:31 · answer #8 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first off you have buisness talking to a man in prison. is your self esteem that low, that you have found prisons to be your new dating sight?
he more then likely raped a women or molested a child. when he saids this is his first time. Ya his first time getting caught
. He probally molested how many other children but never got caught. Why do you want to have kids and marry him. You must want your kids to be subject to molestation.
The truth hurts, so please. and since he is jail you have never met him. He is just using you dear to pass the time. When he gets out he needs a free ride and a place to live. So you are his ticket to a free life of living when he gets out.
He is not reluctant to talk about it because he is embarrassed, he is reluctant in fear if you knew the truth that you would run far away and dump him.
His one single offense means he was only caught one, and why would he go to jail and admitt to all the other offenses.
How can he love you or you love him. He is in prison and you have not met. You are lonely and desperate and he needs a free ride and place to live when he gets out.
Since he is not telling you the whole story he is leaving out the worst parts, that parts that would make you run
. It had to be serrious for him to get jail time and not probation. Sex offenders do not change, and most of them end up right back in jail.
There was this man in ND. who was released from jail he was a sex offender. Everyone who knew this man, went to court and told the judge that this man is dangerous and will offend again. Well he was release.
Well he offended again, raiped a college girl and killed her cold blooded. Threw her body in a river and for months and months people searched, her body had floated down stream to another state when it was found.
sex offenders have to register in their county and city. everyone will know where you live and the neighbors will protest and you wll be mad a spectical out of. Everyone will loose respect for you.
Sex offenders are kept seperate from other prison imtates because sex offenders other hated by other criminals, and for the saftey of the sex offenders they have to be put in a seperate part of then building.
If it was just one case, he would have gotten probation. A person just doesnot do it once then stop. It in their blood forever. He has you fooled. He is playing the game of mr nice guy to get out of jail sooner, and he has you fooled so you take care of him.
many people in jail change for the best and turn thier lives around but sex offenders can not change. it is in their blood. their mind can not stop them from thinking about attacking again.
If you are that desperate that you fall for a sex offender then I feel sorry for you. But no one is gonna feel sorry for you when he attacks again.
he is only telling you about the one time he got caught. of course he is not going to tell you about all the other times......
now if it was like a date rape, when they started making out and the women claims to have said no, then that is a different story because it takes two in that situation. if that was the case he would be on probation and not in jail.
if it wa statutory rape meaning he had sex with someone younger meaning if he was 21 and had consensual sex with a 16 year old gand the parents pressed charges. that would be a different story. but he would not get jail time for that.
you have to have comitted a pretty bad sex offender thing to be put in jail. if it was minor he would be put on probation.....
believe me there will be more victims in the futre.
2006-09-14 05:58:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all take a look that the fact that he is in jail he mya thnk differently, but how do you he wont do it again and Im not saying that he is going to but,,,,, some times people when they are in jail they try to sweet talk to you so when they come out of jail they have some when there out,,, but Im not saying that you should never trust him,,,
2006-09-14 05:10:31 · answer #10 · answered by Airforcepink 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋