What do you when your husband is so closed minded.?

Question

I try to talk to my husband all the time about things and this is what i get.Not now,i don't want to talk about or thats just stupid.I am a very outgoing person,i talk to everyone and love having a good time when i go out.When we go out and i am dancing,(and it never fails)i hear take it easy,people are going to think this or that.Everytime i talk when we're out it's you shouldn'thave said that.I never seem to think i'm out of line and will ask friends or family that was out with us,did i do something wrong nine of of ten they tell me no.Sex talk,forget about it,he looks at me like i'm just such an idiot.I'm starting to feel like i have no connetion with him.We have been together since i was 17,we got married when i was 19 and now i'm 26.So i haven't dated anyone else and don't know how other people are.Am i over reacting and if im not how do i get him to open up?We have been to a therapist.

Answer 1

Well your first mistake was getting married so young and if your such an open minded person why did you marry a close minded person? Well divorce is a bad thing so you two need to talk and work things out!

Answer 2

This is crazy, but I dealt with the SAME thing. Met him when I was 17, married at 19 but now I'm 24 getting a divorce, just starting the process. And I can tell you, I'm much happier now, even though there is no prospects at the moment. I have to give myself the chance to find out. He was my first boyfriend and I didn't know how other guys would be, but I have realized that not all men are like that at all. It may just take some time finding them. My biggest fear is that maybe I met the perfect guy while I was with my husband and missed out on true love because I was stuck in this marriage, but you have to deal with it, and whatever happens happens. You can't know what's out there if you don't look and now that you're mature maybe you'll know what to look for next time. Or maybe if you really love him, keep trying to work on it and going to therapy. You can't change a person though, no matter how hard you try, they have to change themselves

Answer 3

Are there children involved here?
What's his level of education? And yours?
How much time do you spend together?
How old is he?

It sounds to me that he is a very conservative person which should have been obvious earlier. Do you consider his life or hobbies boring? What kind of friends does he have?
You have to find common ground to have a fruitful relationship and not be so concerned about all his issues.
People do change and sometimes it's not for the better. I wonder if you asked him outright if his feelings have changed for you what his response would be.
I really feel for you because once this trend starts it's hard to right the ship but you are to doing the right thing seeking therapy because if you didn't care you'd just give up.

You sound emotionally beaten. I feel sad.

Answer 4

Since you've already been to a therapist and things haven't gotten better maybe it's time that you move on with your life.
Communication is a very important factor in relationships and if you can't talk to him because he doesn't have time or doesn't want to listen there isn't anything thing else you can do.
I wish you luck but you need to think about what's best for you and you should do it sooner than later.....
I wouldn't say divorce him so soon, but try a seperation and if you feel better being seperated then maybe that's the route you need to take....
Life is too short to be spent unhappy

Answer 5

- Often, women look to themselves for a solution to a situation that is not in their field of responsibility. In other words, it's up to your husband to take a look at his behaviors and decide whether or not he wants to improve/change/correct them. It's not your job to 'get him to open up.' He has to want to open up to you. You can only invite his trust and offer a safe place for him to express his feelings. You said that you've been to a therapist. You've told him how you feel. That about covers it.
- How other people are in their relationships isn't much of a guide. Your gut is your best guide, and your gut is telling you that you don't feel connection with him any longer.
- Finally, be careful here. Namecalling, attempting to control another's voice, actions and behaviors, emotional unavailability . . . all of these are abusive behaviors. Most people recognise physical abuse; many have some difficulty identifying emotional, mental, sexual and finacial abuses. Abuse tends to escalate with time.
- So, look at this situation as if you were helping your very best friend in the world. How would you advise her/him? If you eventually decide that you must divorce, you seem to be a very intelligent, clear-sighted, compassionate person. I believe that you have been and will be more than fair. And remember, divorce is NOT failure, it is just a decision to do the right thing for you, for your life, for your future, and who knows, might be the best thing for him, as well.
- Blessings on you.

Answer 6

He sounds like he's fed up with you. I think he's getting sick of you. But that isn't right you have your own personality. It seems like he's trying to belittle you. Is he jealous that your so outgoing and you get along so great with everyone? Is he a bump on a log when you go out? Try to get him out there on the dance floor and start including him in things. If that don't help. I think he's trying to control you. I would go see a marriage counselor if that doesn't work he wasn't the one for you. You married at to young of age. Good Luck!

Answer 7

It sounds like he is a very reserved person and that your openess both physically and verbally is embarassing to him. There are alot of people who are that way. My husband is not going to let me dance with a stranger at a club. He may let me casually dance with friends or family. I am guessing that when he says you shouldn't have said this or that we are referring to your opinions on other people's situations or information that he would have like to keep private. Your friends and family know you so they are used to the way you are. Chances are they are not as reserved as your husband. It sounds to me like you don't want to change who you are for him to be comfortable but you expect him to change who he is for your comfort. You have to except he is reserved if you want him to accept your openess. You need to come to some sort of a compromise so you both are comfortable being who you are. You are married to a man who doesn't want to partake in your partying ways. He goes out to make you happy and then you embarrass him. Try being a little more reserved when you are out in public with him. Maybe this will make him feel comfortable enough to open up a little bit. You can do your wild girls night out partying when it is just the girls.

Answer 8

I would say that you should have gotten to know each other better before you got married, but it's a bit late for all that. If therapy isn't helping, then it may be time to call it quits. You husband does NOT have the right to belittle your opinions or make you feel stupid. That is bordering on mental abuse.

Answer 9

Sounds like you are a fiery sprited exrtovert married to a quiet conservative introvert. I'm guessing one or both of you changed. I believe it happens, and sometimes people fall out of love and or drift apart. I'd say he's missing out, you sound like a lot of fun with some amazing possibilities. It also sounds like you're sharing one of my regrets, not sowing enough "wild oats" before you settled down.

Answer 10

I would suggest that you try the reverse psychology on him. Try doing something than can possibly annoy him and get him to talk to you about. Afterwhich, you can imitate his ways of avoiding a discussion with you. This is where you tell him his ways and how it really feels when he does all these things to you. There is no better way to solve this than to have a heart to heart discussion with him. So if he can't get to it, make him to!