i fell pregnant in January this year and through complications i lost the baby. afterwards i was a mess desperately wanting another baby it was crazy. As my hormones died down so did my desperation. However now the desperation has returned i would of been due to giv birth in a couple of days, and i want a baby so badly. My partener said he would also love kids but does not feel this is the right time as he wants more money etc. when will there be a right time i want one so much , what do i do???
2006-09-14 03:55:57 · 26 answers · asked by Lisa W 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Trying to Conceive
no disrespect, but what makes you think asking this on here will help?
i wish you luck!
2006-09-14 03:57:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage too and it was just awful! It took us 9 months to conceive again, but after the 7th month it was much more depressing because that was the month the baby we lost would've been due. I was almost at the point of giving up. Fortunately by that time, my OB had decided to do a laparoscopy to check everything out. He discovered I had a mild case of endometriosis. He removed it and I conceived the very next month.
I realize how strong your feelings are to conceive again, but having a baby is such a huge commitment, that I believe both parents should be on board when deciding to conceive.
Everyone always wants to make more money to provide a better life for their children then they had, but as long as you aren't struggling financially now, I'm sure you will be fine with a baby. Yes, babies do cost a lot of money, but there are ways to budget and save. The old saying goes, the more you make, the more you spend. Maybe you could work out a budget with your partner to cut expenses and save so that you can ttc sooner? At least you would be compromising and also find out if that is the reason he doesn't want to conceive yet.
2006-09-14 11:39:29 · answer #2 · answered by Melissa B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I am sorry for your loss. We lost a baby too, and I felt much the same way you do. I especially felt it around the time the baby would have been due. This is natural grief.
It will run its course. Now, as to a "right time" - there is never a right time. There is always something (money, car, house...) that you will think you need to fix/upgrade/change before everything will be just right, but don't let that stop you.
Go back to your doctor and make certain that everything is back to normal with your body, and make certain you get on the pre-natal vitamins before you start trying.
Best of luck to you!! We had our daughter a year and a half after we miscarried, and she is the best thing that ever happened to us. I know it will be the same for you too!
2006-09-14 11:01:22 · answer #3 · answered by Leah 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There will never be a 'right' time to have a baby, there will always be something that stands in the way... but what you and your partner must to is decide together that you want a child and be 100% sure that its what you both want. There is no point going through with it if one of you is still unsure. But like i said, no matter how you plan it, or try to, the timing may never be right. Good luck to you both and i hope that eventually you do have the baby that you so very much want.
2006-09-14 15:42:45 · answer #4 · answered by shortpeg2001 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hun I'm goin through the same thing. I even posted a question asking if now was the right time for me to have a baby. The best piece of advice I got was that you shouldn't have a baby just to 'make up' for a loss. A baby shouldn't be born with a job to carry out. You need time to grieve, and although you'll never get over your loss, there will be a point where both you and your boyfriend agree it is the right time to try again. If you want to talk to someone, just email me =)
2006-09-14 13:00:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know what hony I don't think there is ever a right time, we all have worries about money and other things. If you was to fall pregnant tomorrow I bet your partner would be over the moon. It may be that he couldn't cope with having baby so soon after losing one. That is how I was me and my wife lost our first child and it was 3 years before we felt ready to try again. Speak to your partner and be honest with each other, sit down and say how you really feel and I'm sure you will feel a lot better for it. I really hope this helps you and I hope all works out in the future for you both..
2006-09-14 12:29:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him this if you haven't already. If he doesn't want a baby, then you can't force him to make one with you. You should appreciate the fact that he cares about a baby's well being and would rather be situated than bring one in an unstable home. I can't feel your pain or needs because I haven't been in your situation, but I'm sure you'll have a baby when the time is right. With a woman like you, who has desires for a child and a responsible man GOD already knows you deserve one. Oh, yeah, I didn't take it that you were married, because you used the words partner, but how does your man feel about that?
2006-09-14 11:05:50 · answer #7 · answered by Just Wondering 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just suggest you to calm down and quit wanting things so badly. It all happens when you're least expecting it to. As far as the baby, I am so sorry for your loss. Maybe your partner just isn't ready for that kind of commitment right now. This is a chance for him to get things the way he probably wanted them the first time around. I would just give it a little more time or sit down with him and discuss when might be a good time to start trying for the both of you. Come to an agreement so that you won't be wanting it so badly and he'll have the time he needs to get things situated. Therefore you'll just be looking forward to that time period instead of being depressed wondering when it will happen again.
2006-09-14 11:03:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I completely understand what you're going through. I lost a son at 16 weeks and his due date would have been July 4th of this year, as that time approached I felt like I really wanted to have another baby. I love the children I do have but the love you have for an infant is different, your love grows as your children grow. I had that pulling in my heart and I just KNEW that I had to give it to another child. As his due date approached I talked to my husband about it and he wasn't ready, he said the same things your partner is saying. It was hard, it was really really hard to understand where he was coming from when I just felt like if I didn't have a baby I would explode! We finally talked about and decided that we'd start trying now. Before he would agree to it I had to figure out why I wanted another baby, and if I thought I could handle to possibility of losing another one, or my own life in the process. We visited the dr. and we talked a lot and now we're ready. You can't have a baby to replace the one you lost, I know that sounds harsh, but I wanted to hold the son that we buried so bad I wanted another one. I've since changed my way of thinking but it's not an easy thing to do. Please, give it some time and get your heart right first, with your baby's due date approaching you really need to wait, give it a few months, give yourself more time to grieve and come to terms with what happened, the loss of a child is very traumatic, deal with that first and then try to have another baby. Good luck to you!
2006-09-14 11:57:21 · answer #9 · answered by justwondering 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
where do i start i'll tell you my story
i became pregnant and had a miscarriage at 10 weeks and it took me 2 years to become pregnant again then i misscarried at 18 weeks. so i told myself it would happen and wait until the right time. and before i new it i was pregnant again and the baby was due on the same day as i lost my second baby only a year later. they found out i had sle lupus which cause blood clots thats why i was miscarring my babies. thankfully my son was born 2 weeks premature but was a healthy baby. and after 5 years of tryin to become pregant again i did after taking clomid and am now 30 weeks pregant.
I know what you are going through and my heart goes out to you. Give your body time and it will eventually happen.
all the best for the future.
love anne xx
2006-09-14 16:17:49 · answer #10 · answered by anne m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your brains playing tricks with you , you say you would be delivering soon and it may sound silly but maybe your brain thinks theres a baby there still ... don`t think im mad , let me explain , when i was pregnant with my last baby i ended up with an emergency c-section at 38wks , after a week or so i couldn`t believe i was desperate for another baby and i could not shake this feeling , after speaking to my midwife telling her what was going on in my head and i kinda figured it out myself , my body knew there was a baby in there but i didn`t go through the motions of delivery hence thinking baby was still there waiting to be born , i know people may think im crazy but i know what i mean lol , any mother went through a c-section will probably understand this
2006-09-14 11:20:16 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋