Before my husband and I started dating we were intimit but the people that we were then we thought that we knew nothing was going to come of it. We hung out every weekend as ONLY friends but with benefits. We started to get feelings for eachother but as far as I knew nothing too serious. One weekend instead of hanging out with him even though I said that I would I met up with an ex and we had sex. I told who is now my husband what I had done and it completely broke his heart. I had really hurt him because he started to have deeper feeling for me at that time and I had thought we were just friends having a good time together. He says I told him a specific time that we were supposed to hang out but I don't remember doing that but it hurt him even more. We are married now and have been for over a year with a 5 month old son. He still feels hurt everyday because of what I did so long ago. I have been appoligizing ever since the day that it I made this mistake. What more can I do?
2006-09-14 03:42:32 · 13 answers · asked by babe112083 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
His feelings for me have never been the same since before that day but somehow still had enough love for me to marry me. I want to make things right and make him realize that he is my world. I was such a different person then and I know eho I want to be now and I want to change thing but it's hard to. On top of all this I was so scared to start dating. I had never been in a REAL loving relationship before and I told him that the reason that I had slept with my ex was to find out how I felt about him and how he felt about me. I know now how retarded that was, I never thought thet we would still be together let alone be married with a kid. I love him with all of my heart and soul. Is there anything that I can do? Should I just let him go because he will always have that memory of me or should I fight til death to prove my love for him? I know I should fight but I don't want him to continue to feel pain everyday. I don't want to drive him crazy anymore.
2006-09-14 03:51:26 · update #1
You both should attend couple's counseling.
2006-09-14 03:50:14 · answer #1 · answered by IAINTELLEN 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really feel bad for you, hon. It's not your fault that he had developed these feelings about you before you knew, and you've explained to him the best you can, it sounds to me. I'd stop apologizing for it though, because maybe he will start to feel that you were wrong, more than he does now. I think it's best to just stop talking about it and see if it just blows over. And just let him know everyday how much you love him and only him. Lavish him with compliments and do all the things that women do to men, wink, wink, to make him feel wanted. Like BJ'S all the time and that kind of stuff. Just make him feel like you can't get enough of him. I'm sorry you find yourself in this position after your married, but it sounds like you really love him anyways, so just hang in there.
2006-09-14 10:59:08 · answer #2 · answered by t.larae 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing else you can do. Tell him you have to move forward because you have a family now. You married HIM, not your EX. The past is the past. You already apologized, so ask him what you could do to make him feel better and to prove to him that he's the only one for you. I'm sure that with time he'll eventually forget about the incident.
2006-09-14 10:47:56 · answer #3 · answered by Mommy2Liam 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have probably knocked his trust for you. You have to prove to him you love him and only him, which will be hard. I know this was a long time ago but if it was the other way around you would probably be really hurt too. Try asking him how you can make it right again, but be prepared, it might not be easy.
2006-09-14 10:46:18 · answer #4 · answered by claire 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You relationship started out immoral.
It more than likely will end because you are still immoral.
Now you have a baby involved.
My personal advice is to ask God to enter your wicked heart and give you the burdens and blessings you need through Him to live your life the right way, as a decent respectable woman.
Best Wishes on the repair of your marriage.
2006-09-14 10:46:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
He needs to let it go. He made a number of decisions since regarding marriage, monogomy and children with complete knowledge of that. Its not like he did not know or that you were even committed. Tell him to focus on the now and the future. He made the decision to look by it. It is now time to do just that.
You cannot change his feelings.
2006-09-14 11:03:38 · answer #6 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to just let it go. You guys didn't have a committment other than being friends. If he had an issue with you seeing someone else, he should have stepped up sooner. It's his problem. Not yours. He should get counseling. He should have let it go when he married you over a year ago.
2006-09-14 11:30:47 · answer #7 · answered by C K Platypus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The two of you need family counseling, you need to tell him often how much you love only him, in his lunch, put a note in it, telling him to have a great day, and that you love him very much, and thanks for a beautiful baby. Tell him the two of you need to sit down and get this over with, once and for all, so that you can get on with your lives. Reassure him that he is the man that you married, and that you want only him, and that you want to make your marriage work. and that from this day lets put this mess behind us, and lets let it rest, and move on with our lives.
2006-09-14 10:56:20 · answer #8 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems as though ur husbnd needs to grow up. The past is the past. U chose him not ur ex. Just ask him if there is anything u can do to change things, if not leave him.... u have a kid to live for... dont worry i\with him
2006-09-14 11:05:36 · answer #9 · answered by Miss-Kenya 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the 2 of you were just friends in name than he really has no place to talk...yes he can be upset that you didn't feel so much for him that you wouldn't sleep with someone else but your not with someone till your with someone.....and your not commited till your commited. As far as change his feelings you can't you just got to let him work through them.
2006-09-14 10:48:45 · answer #10 · answered by monkey_love 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
prove your love to him by being honest, allowing him to speak freely about it. Don't put him down about his feelings. And try to build his self esteem up. He is obviously insecure.BUT you can not change how anyone feels. But you can make him feel more secure within your marriage and help him feel better about himself.
2006-09-14 10:46:24 · answer #11 · answered by loladoreen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋