without hurting her feelings,its really affecting relashoneship
2006-09-14 03:40:40 · 54 answers · asked by dope 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
In any relationship there is only 1 correct answer and that is to be honest with her. You did not say how over weight she is. 5 - 10 pounds are not a big deal, 75 to 100 is.
Stress to her first and foremost that you love her and care for her and will be there for her in the good time and bad. Tell her that you are becoming increasingly worried about her health due to the extra weight. Bring up heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure and then tell her that she can have these things and not know it, and you are worried about that and the complications and side effects of these things.
Be proactive with her, do not expect her to loose the extra pounds alone. Offer to eat right with her, offer to take a walk before and after dinner with her. Tell her that she is looking good and to keep it up. Encourage her in every way you can.
It is a lot easier to loose weight when you have someone cheering you on and doing it with you than it is to loose weight by yourself feeling like you are inadequate.
I have never had a weight problem, but I have a friend that has lost 83 pounds this year. I am her cheering section.
Just keep it positive and be truthful and you should do just fine, and so will she.
Good luck!
2006-09-14 03:50:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well as a woman I would not like to be told that I have a weight issue, but on the other hand I would like to know so I can do something about it. Tell her how much you love her, that you are worried that her weight will get out of hand and that if she doesn't do something it will effect her health. Make sure that she knows you are worried about her, you care and you want her to lose weight for herself, not YOU (very important). If she cares about you really she will admire your honesty without being too hurt. It will hurt though.
2006-09-14 03:50:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Really affecting the relationship......Are you thinking of breaking up with her because of this and/or other issues you and/or she have, and/or you both have in the relationship?
You need to think about what's "really affecting the relationship", first.
Second, even spouses can't tell eachother what to do regarding almost everything....weight, drinking, smoking, and other habits, obsessions and addictions.
Each of us must decide for ourselves to make changes for ourselves and/or otherwise improve ourselves and our lives, if this is what we want. It has never been known to work successfully in any other way.
To make changes like these "for" someone else, spells disaster. There is always fighting and blame as a result. Therefore, the only way changes can be made is when the person who decides to make the change makes it solely for himself or herself.
Once a person decides to make changes, once the person is determined, the supportive person...and I would hope a loving person would be supportive....does NOT stick fattening food, cigarettes, alcohol, etc., under the nose of the one who's going for the change, and does NOT "monitor" the person in any way.
I'm surprised these facts are not totally realized at this late date in the 21st Century!
2006-09-14 04:07:58 · answer #3 · answered by Seneca 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Prepare for her to go apesh*t on you as she probably is feeling insecure about her weight and you saying something will just reinforce that.
It is togh as I totally understand the weight issue. Personally I would prepare myself and tell her she needs to take care of herself. Prepare for all the excuses - Im so stressed, I can't help my weight, why can't you love what's on the inside, you only like me when I'm pretty etc. Let her vent and then tell her you care about her but you expect her to look a certain way. Tell her to look at Britney Spears and how her weight has affected her persona. That if she really is confident she should be fit and healthy and love herself enough to care about her health.
And be ready for some smacks and tears. Worse comes to worse, dump her and you'll see how quick she'll skinny up once she realized she's not going anywhere in the dating field being a tubo.
Good luck!
2006-09-14 03:45:52 · answer #4 · answered by floridajunkiegal 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be slick!
Here is what I have done. Tell her that you are looking to get yourself in better shape. Then say you are much more motivated and are sure to hit the gym more often if someone comes with you.(her) Then list out some goals that you want to accomplish for yourself. I would bet that when she sees you bettering yourself, she will feel almost obligated to do the same. So partner up with her and help the both of you. Then at some point after she gets a little into it, help her list some of her own goals and help her hit them.
don't do things to set her back either....no pizza for the football game. Diet soda. Start making dinner at home instead of eating out. Good luck.
2006-09-14 03:47:04 · answer #5 · answered by Morty 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if she is just 20 lbs over weight - hold your tongue and spare your life..(and get over it)..but if she's morbidly obese and it's truly her health you are worried about, then yes, you must say something. Gather yourself documentation to back-up your case...even from the Internet - listing health hazards and risks of being over-weight. Tell her reading that frightens you as you would not want to lose her or see her suffer health risks. Tell her if she loves YOU, and more importantly if she cares one iota about herself, she needs to start to try to lose that weight. If she doesn't, or she balks at the idea, then let her know that is telling you not only how little she cares for herself, but for you..and put some space between you for awhile - and see if that doesn't jolt her into reality. Good luck..and be GENTLE.
2006-09-14 03:45:59 · answer #6 · answered by svmainus 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a VERY touchy subject....do you guys live together? Could you play it off as you being concerned about YOUR OWN weight, and maybe suggest changing your eating habits or getting a joint gym membership for so YOU can get in better shape? It's easier to stick to that sort of a new regimen of diet and exercise if you've got someone else for support; and if you take that important first step and make the arrangements, you might be able to help her confront a problem she's having trouble admitting to and facing on her own....
2006-09-14 03:46:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it is a worry about her health, then either be honest, or - if she has put on the weight whilst you have been together say something like "oh, I was looking at pictures of us from a while back, you looked great" but be gentle and subtle and respect her feelings.
However, if you are worried about her wieght because she embarreses you when you go out or you now find her less attractive, then don't string her along.
2006-09-14 03:44:33 · answer #8 · answered by Quiltel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont tell her just get her exercising eating right, tell her it will be fun to do something like that together, set yourself goals with her and do it as a team, she will lose the weight and you will become closer as a couple, but do not just tell her or you will be looking for a new girlfriend. On the other hand you could just love her as she is but will you be happy and will she be healthy? The key word here is "TACT".
2006-09-14 03:45:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remember youare really treading on thin ice here but I'm sure she has realized it for herself and just doesn't want to admit it or have it said out loud.
Suggest some activities you can do together and maybe suggest some new food ideas and portion control. I don't beleive in dieting because it always includes depriving yourself and leaves you open for sabotage.
Be sure to let her know you care and that it is also that you care about her self esteem because she's probably not feeling really good right now.
2006-09-14 03:55:55 · answer #10 · answered by Kimberly R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋