Okay, I've been wanting a baby, but my husband's not ready yet. He says that he thinks he will be in a couple of years. I'm trying really, really hard to be patient, but all I can think about is us having our first child. I'm trying to keep myself occupied but it's not helping.
We have two dogs, I'm going to school (I'll graduate next year with my Bachelor's degree), I work full time, I'm active in church, and I do independent research.
He's going to get a new job soon, so I won't have to work and we'll still have a great income. We've sat down and wrote out financial plans (to save for the baby), get a college fund started, and I've been working on my health. After I graduate I'm going to get into an "all online" graduate school program so if he does want to have the baby a little earlier than we're planning, I'll still be able to stay at home.
I'm still having trouble waiting...what can I do? I don't want to seem like I'm sad to him, it's not fair to him...
2006-09-14 03:30:23 · 13 answers · asked by Tea_Girl 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
But at the same time I can't deny my feelings either. What's the best thing to do to help me enjoy the next two years instead of being disappointed that he's not ready.
What else can I do???
2006-09-14 03:30:36 · update #1
Try setting yourself a 3 yr plan for instance...Finish your studying, have a go in the work place and then try for a baby...Once you have a child you wont have the opportunity to work for a long time and it can be tough not having that social aspect at your beck and call or those opportunities...Theres plenty of time for children but enjoy your life a little more first.
2006-09-14 03:34:16 · answer #1 · answered by ♡MaNda♡ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1st and foremost u and him need to respect each others situations and feelings to this subject... 2nd is there any guarantee that in 2 yrs he's gonna be ready.. there is no such thing as ever being ready for a child.. u can try ur best to prepare for one and that's all.. what's gonna happen if he keeps wanting to post pone, then what r u gonna do.. i don't think it should matter when u get started on making a family as long as u and him r on the same page and as long as u both will be dedicated parents to the child..
it'll probably be better and more convenient if u wait until after u graduate next yr w/ur bachelors so u wont have to take time off from school and focus on ur studies.. find a job then focus on a family, then he'll be starting his new job and u and him should be fine..
but if he tries to postpone then i'd either leave him or make it happen on ur own and then when ur pregnant act suprised.....
2006-09-14 10:37:17 · answer #2 · answered by Queen D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think about the down side. Think about hiring baby sitters. Think about smelly, sticky baby puke on your favorite blouse, in public. Think about trying to make love when you are almost never alone. Think about how it will feel to be exhausted for about a year-and-a-half. Get on the Dating and Singles Yahoo Questions and read the things kids say about their parents.
Enjoy your marriage. Take trips together. Think, when you're making those trips, how you won't ENJOY them as much after baby, because you'll be worried all of the time. Make love in the kitchen at noon, because you can. Enjoy your living room not being filled up with swing, boucer, exersaucer, cradle, toys, burp cloths.
I love having the kids, I have four, and I enjoy them immensely. But there are many times when those trips before babies are the only things that remind you that you were once a couple.
Besides, I think that you guys have a lot of stuff on your plate now, and while that will make your child's life more enriched later, it will be better to wait. Just think of how nice it will be when it's all worked out!
2006-09-14 10:50:29 · answer #3 · answered by steelypen 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Look or talk at those who didn't wait. I was 21 when I had my first child. I know have 4 children. 16, 15, 10, 9. I love each and everyone of them dearly. Would go to the ends of the earth for them. But My husband and I have little finances and little time together. The older they get the more they cost. We struggle alot. We wish we would of waited a little longer but know we just try to do our best for our children. We want the best for them And hope they have a better life than what we did. Always keep the communication open with you husband. It will be him to help you through your problems. Good luck hope the best for both of you.
2006-09-14 10:54:19 · answer #4 · answered by angeleloves 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you have any friends or relatives with children? Maybe you could offer to babysit a couple of nights a week for them. That way you would still be around some little ones and it would help with having some experience taking responsibility for the caring of small children. It is good to have experience in that area before hand. It would keep you occupied and give your friends or relatives a break also. I hope you find a solution and I hope this helpped a little. Good Luck
2006-09-14 10:44:41 · answer #5 · answered by flutterby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get your degree behind you before you revisit this discussion with your husband ... he may be worried that a pregnancy will interfere with your abilty to finish school. stick to the plan and you wont regret it ... there is no rush especially as you seem to be working on correcting some health issue as well. keep your priorities in order, you have a good and sensible plan to optimize the best chances for success in marriage and family, why upset the plan with a premature launch into motherhood that would significantly impact the plan ... stability is always the best way to go and with a new job coming there is a chance of instability during the transition ... be sensible and stick to your plan.
2006-09-14 10:42:21 · answer #6 · answered by casurfwatcher 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have a lot of interesting stuff going on. Chill out about the whole "baby thing" till your husband is ready.
You will have time for virtually NOTHING once baby arrives, so enjoy it while you can....18-21 years raising a child is the hardest thing you will ever do.
Believe it.
2006-09-14 11:01:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There has to be other things to do. Its seems like you are really busy these days and having a baby would put some stuff to the side. So try and try to hold off.
2006-09-14 10:34:34 · answer #8 · answered by **What??** 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit down with him and talk to him, and most of all be honest with your true feelings. He may not be aware of how you truly feel.
Find out why he wants to wait. Men sometimes have a hard time expressing themselves, and there may even be reasons that he has never discussed with you.
2006-09-14 10:45:31 · answer #9 · answered by Damion Lark 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take a vacation that you couldn't do if you had a baby. These things will happen in its own timing. Both partners have to be ready.
2006-09-14 10:35:37 · answer #10 · answered by ht_butterfly27 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋