What am I supposed to do??? (see details)?

Question

Okay, I've been wanting a baby, but my husband's not ready yet. He says that he thinks he will be in a couple of years. I'm trying really, really hard to be patient, but all I can think about is us having our first child. I'm trying to keep myself occupied but it's not helping.

We have two dogs, I'm going to school (I'll graduate next year with my Bachelor's degree), I work full time, I'm active in church, and I do independent research.

He's going to get a new job soon, so I won't have to work and we'll still have a great income. We've sat down and wrote out financial plans (to save for the baby), get a college fund started, and I've been working on my health. After I graduate I'm going to get into an "all online" graduate school program so if he does want to have the baby a little earlier than we're planning, I'll still be able to stay at home.

I'm still having trouble waiting...what can I do? I don't want to seem like I'm sad to him, it's not fair to him...

But at the same time I can't deny my feelings either. What's the best thing to do to help me enjoy the next two years instead of being disappointed that he's not ready.

What else can I do???

Answer 1

You need to relax. Women have a biological urge to have babies, recognize that this is probably what is making this matter so urgent to you. Logically 2 years isn't long to wait. I'm not sure how long you've been married, but you should enjoy this child-free time with your husband. You'll miss it when you have kids, even though you'll love them. I know it's hard, but having kids is a LIFE CHANGING event and if your husband is not ready, you should wait. I suggest you babysit some young children, even babies if you want to express your motherly instinct. This will also prepare you for your own children.

Answer 2

First of all, I have learned that you can never really be financially prepared for a baby because they cost so much. I know what you are going through because I went through the same thing with the guy I was living with before I met my husband. I would say try gathering things for the baby. not necessarilly to show him how much you want one, but just to " be prepared" for when you guys decide to have one. I will warn you though, the more you allow the anxiety to get to you, the less likely you are to have regular periods and that can only stress you out even more. Try to stay calm and think about the positive things: he is willing to start trying in a year or two, you guys are happily married, and if you show him how prepared you are and your body is, then the more he may be persuaded to change his mind. Did you know that the cost of college in ten years is going to be nearly four times as much as it is now? You two can save for years and almost never have enough for that kid to go to college. I don't mean to discourage you further, but it is a fact and that is why most statistics say that you can never really be financially ready for a baby. Just try to stick it out and not push him too hard- the fact is he's not ready yet. It may be because he is simply scared to go ahead with it or that he's just nervous about the whole ordeal, either way there are plenty of things you can try to get him used to the idea of having a baby. Take him to classes, or even just the nursery at the hospital.

Answer 3

This answer comes from the perspective of my wife, who never had children. All she wanted to do in life was to be a mother. He husband wanted her to finish school and establish a career, save some money. She did. Then, he wasn't ready but needed a promised promotion. It didn't come as planned. When it did come, he didn't think he was ready yet. She waited. When he finally wanted a child, she couldn't conceive; no medical reason but maybe because she was in her 30's by then and that was old for the first born. So, he got his secretary pregnant, dumped my wife, and married the sec (named Candy, BTW). My wife wishes that in her mid to late 20's she had gone off the pill, kept the secret, and gotten pregnant. I must tell you, as she now nears 50, she laments everyday not having any children. Being the step mother to my adult daughters and the only grandmother my grand kids have known isn't the same as her birthing her own kids. While it may seem dishonest, if you're in your late 20's, talk to your husband. If he refuses, then wait several months and go for it. I'm a Christian too and realize the deceit herein, but it could be now or never. From experience!

Answer 4

I know the way you feel..I cant wait to have a child...I'm 22 soon 23 and i have wanted a child sence i was 16 but didnt have one only because i was not stable...Now i live on my own w/my fience & we have been together for 3 years he has a son..but i want my own..back in school i'll graduate next year in july...I just cant wait!!!....Not sure what to say?...You's have every thing down from the childs college fund, financial planing for the baby what more can you ask for

Answer 5

Have you told your husband how much it means to you to have the baby?? and that waiting for 2 years just seems like a lifetime for you? Perhaps he doesn't fully understand your feelings, and would be a little more flexible if he knew just how badly you want a baby.
Perhaps you could come to a agreement where you started to try in a year .. a compromise!!

But ... be prepared. No amount of pushing will make your husband want to have a baby now. He sounds like he has a plan (and its a good one!!!) pushing him on the subject will only make it worse

Good Luck!

Answer 6

what you should do is wait, sounds like your husband wants everything to be perfect before you have a baby which is awesome and doesnt happen to much now a days. you didnt say how old you are but if youre in school im assuming not that old, you have plenty of time to have and raise babies, enjoy this awesome time with you and your husband alone, trust me you will miss it when you do have a baby, be patient everything in its own time, sounds like you and your husband both have a good head on your shoulders and you will make great parents when the time comes but you both need to be ready so just wait. good luck

Answer 7

finish school and let him start that new job. you guys are on the right track to sucess and sometimes guys get a little overwhelmed by the baby thing. talk about setting an age for you guys to become parents. like you set a date for your wedding something like that. I know its hard to wait but trust me it is so much easier to have everything just right when you become parents. I have an 8 year old and a 4 month old (huge gap!) trust me I know about having to wait for the right time to have a baby! Remember everything happens for a reason and when the time is right you will be a great smart responsible mommy and daddy!

Answer 8

It is hard, and I supossed you have talked to him about this. Just concentrate on finishing college, and be at peace with yourself. Pray a lot, ask God to guide you and help you understand what is better for you as a couple. I was living the same situation, I was on bc method, and all the sudden, I got pregnant. My husband was really happy (altough he wanted to wait), so you never know what God's Plans are for you, be patient, everything comes at its own time. Good luck

Answer 9

I would try to find out the reason(s) why he is not ready. Really get to the heart of his apprehension. If you try to know what he is thinking and feeling you might be more understanding and it might just make sense to you. Just the same though he must try to understand why it is you are wanting a child and not wanting to wait.

Answer 10

i respect you for being so patient. a lot of people wouldn't be. i would talk about it some more after you graduate. (good job on that by the way)! maybe he is just scared because it is a scary thing. it's a step in your life you cannot take back. i think reasuring him would help out a lot. good luck and i hope you get your little gift.