My fiance decided he did want me and children after we delibrately tried for children. Now Im pregnant and every pregnancy book has loving boyfriends and fiance at their side it reduces me to tears. Anyone given birth without their husband and what is it like doing it alone?
2006-09-14 03:18:21 · 36 answers · asked by oceanwaves 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
i gave birth alone in a foreign country where my command of the language was iffy, without family around... and no friends that i felt close enough to to include them in the experience.
in fact it turned out, for me, the situation suited me perfectly. i'm not one to perform in front of people, and would have found it a distraction (the friend who took me to the hospital stayed for an hour or so, and the contractions stopped! got them going again though thankfully)
as it happened, and am sure it is the same in every hospital, the mid wife, who lets face it is the best qualified to be there, was extremely supportive, and also knew exactly what i wanted and needed and ensured that it happened. i had the birth with out drugs, and so the best thing i did in hind sight, which i would advise if you take the same route, is expressed everything i felt with degrees of genuine grunting, shouting and screaming!! :) that way, without having to explain myself, the mid wife was abreast of my status and knew how to respond.
everything considered it was a fantastic birth, and somehow, if anyone had been in the room (partner, friend or family), i think i would have hated it and resented them for intruding on my space.
i'm not big on sharing.
main thing is that if you do do it alone, then don't worry too much about it... the midwife will be a brick for you. just go in knowing how you want it, and she will make it happen for you.
good luck!!!
2006-09-14 05:19:09 · answer #1 · answered by sofiarose 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
To be honest a boyfriend or husband can sometimes be scared and find it hard to cope when his partner is in labour and they are not always all the support you could wish for, so try not to feel too bad that he wont be with you if he was unsupportive you are probably better of without him after all. Also for thousands of years and in many culture birth was the domain of women and the fathers were rarely present, if you have a friend who has had a baby and had a pretty good birthing experience see if she will agree to be with you and hold your hand, a supportive woman who knows what you are going through would really make an excellent birthing partner. Above all try not to be afraid, prepare for the birth with some yoga classes or something and be assured that having a child is a truly special experience. Good luck and lots of love to you and baby.
2006-09-15 01:48:45 · answer #2 · answered by kali.mama 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well with my last birth of my daughter I might as well have been alone. My husband was a total jerk. He was there physically but not emotionally. It was like he didn't even want her. About an hour after she was born he left the hospital.....then I was alone. I had no one. My family was 12 hours away. He said he had to leave to go and get the kids from the babysitters (she was born just a few minutes befor midnight). Turns out he didn't go pick the kids up till the next day. I guess he didn't want to stay at the hospital with me and his new daughter.........maybe he had better things to do......like a woman. Jerk. Anyways I was released on Friday afternoon and that evening he decided he wanted to go out with his friends (i think a woman). Didn't come home till 3 a.m. Ok i'm just blabbing now..........my thing is it was lonely. I had cheated on him in the past so if he did to me then fine........just to do it when his child was just born is terrible. When she was 2 months old he booted us out........hasn't seen her but once since (30minutes). Then he denied her, and we had to go through the DNA test thing. Came back as his. He was the one all for having another child until it was too late. He has called her a mistake. I have a husband now who loves her as his own. You will have someone who will love you and your child too. Good luck.
2006-09-14 03:42:03 · answer #3 · answered by Kelli 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My husband had an affair when I was four months pregnant so I had to give birth to my second child alone as I had no family around at the time, my ex did drop me off at the hospital door. I felt very emotional and scared at the time and I think I took a lot of hurt out on the poor midwife I remember digging my nails into her and refusing to take the gas and air. But after the birth and seeing my beautiful son I felt proud of myself for going through all that alone I think it has made me a much stronger person and I hope it will you.
2006-09-14 03:54:18 · answer #4 · answered by XhappytalkX 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi
I went to 10cm dilated without my partner as the hospital 'forgot' to call him.
Actually I found it really good - because I didn't have someone else to think about I could concentrate and focus on the contractions without distractions and I had a fast labour.
When I became pregnant with our second child we decided that he wouldn't be there that time too!
There is research showing that women actually have better labours if they are supported by other women rather than men.
You could perhaps hire a doula or ask a close friend to go with you.
Best wishes
K x
2006-09-14 08:08:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mom was alone when she had me because she couldn't get in touch with my Dad- she used that as an excuse to give me the name she liked and he didn't! So there's one advantage.
She never mentioned whether it was lonely or more difficult, remember you'll be surrounded with doctors, midwives and other people who you'll have built a relationship with and they'll all be there rooting you on. But I understand that might not be enough. Do you have a best friend or a member of your family who would be your birthing partner?
I can't imagine what you must be going through. Good luck x
2006-09-14 03:29:30 · answer #6 · answered by - 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i was alone during my pregnancy(and only 17), i decided not to go to antenatal classes as i didnt want to see all the other women with their husbands/partners. i was lucky and had my mum by my side during most of labour and birth and she was wonderful,prob more help than any man couldbe coz she'd been there. i also didnt take my son to the mother and baby groups or health groups but made private appt with my doctor for baby checkups. i wont pretend it wasnt tough but when i look at my 21 yr old son now it was so worth it. focus on that little baby and be strong. best of luck for the future.xx
2006-09-14 03:37:32 · answer #7 · answered by Sally H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not so many years since women nearly always, in the UK anyway gave birth without their husbands actually present in the room. Ok so they would be waiting nearby but not actually be in the room. Ask your own parents or anyone over about 50 and I think you will find that that is the case. Hope that makes you feel a bit better anyway.
2006-09-14 03:22:48 · answer #8 · answered by big pup in a small bath 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know yet, but I will know. I already know its hard going through the pregnancy w/o the father by my side. I have to attend everything either alone or with my mom, while everyone else has their bf/husband with them. But even w/o that loser around, I can still be excited and happy to share in the joy with my family and loved ones. Good Luck!
2006-09-14 03:34:26 · answer #9 · answered by foxxyy44u 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i ave 4 children and i had my last 9 weeks ago alone. i was terribly frieghtened. i had a section and was shaking like a leaf. all i wanted was my mum lol. it turned out not to be that bad an extra midwife came in just to hold my hand she said that they don't let a woman give birth without a birthing partner. she was very kind . I hope everything goes well for you. :0)
2006-09-14 03:27:21 · answer #10 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋