me and my wife have been together for 2 years there have ben some isuses but nothing major. but the relationship had lost some fire so we decided to break up and be friends but still live together and sleep in the same bed and on ocations be intimit. this happend 3 weeks ago 5 days ago we talked and we told eachother we were in love and we could work it out. so we decided to come clean about the past 3 weeks i told her the truth nothing had happend i hadn't even talked to a woman during this time she told me a guy at the gym was after her but she wasn't interested she didn't want to be with anyone but me. great right? we had 4 wonderful days and yesterday i desided to check her emails big mistake i found out they had gone out several times kissed and he was refering to her as my future wife. so i cofrunted her she denied everything i showed her the prof and she still denied it but little by little started confessing she said they'd gone out and kissed but no sex. my heart is broken.
2006-09-14 03:01:35 · 26 answers · asked by icemike 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you know you wont be able to trust her then get a divorce. If she lied about just going to dinner and kissing a few times, she's going to lie about more serious things. And not only that but she went right to another man after only 3 weeks and 5 days of being "separated". Just doing that tells me she doesn't love you and that shes a tramp, no offense to you.
2006-09-14 03:13:24 · answer #1 · answered by Violet 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ultimately, it's up to you & how you feel about your wife & whether you are prepared to give her another chance. However, please remember that any relationship/marriage has got to built on love & trust for it to work. You have now lost that trust in her which is going to take a long time & a lot of hard work to regain. And there are going to be some pretty miserable times ahead as this will be in the back of your mind for a while. Are you prepared & strong enough to put yourself through that?
On the other hand, the 2 of you had decided to break up & so your wife probably didn't see it so much as cheating, but I get the impression she wanted to have her cake & eat it. I would question why she lied to you when asked though. I suspect she did not want to hurt you knowing that you had not been with another woman during your break up.
People cheat or end up with someone else when there is something wrong or missing in their own relationship. I suspect your wife now realises that she does not want to be with anybody else but you. I suggest that you go to see a marriage counseller togather & work tjhroguh your problems. Your wife will have to earn your trust back which won't be easy. Personally I believe that everyone deserves a second chance to put things right. if you really really love your wife, give it another go. I doubt she'll ever make the same mistake again. But if she does, or ever does anything to make you doubt her again, you MUST show her the door. I know you are hurting right now but time is a great healer. I wish you all the best.
2006-09-14 03:20:59 · answer #2 · answered by EmmaB 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Excuse me, but didn't you say that you had broken up as a couple but were still living together? Wasn't that the whole point of breaking up? I am confused now.
How can you be so heartbroken over this, when you weren't officially together at the time?
She was free to do, go, and see who she wanted, BECAUSE, at the time you two were split up, even though you were living together, there was no commitment there. REMEMBER!!!???
Now that it's all over, you want to hold her accountable for behaving like a free woman, hey, she was at the time, so I don't see how you can hold it against her.
I think the problem here is that she practiced her freedom and went out with someone, and you didn't. Do I detect a bit of jealousy here in that regard?
You have no reason or rite to feel hurt over this.
She is still there with you and she wants to stay with you.
Stop confusing things as if she did anything wrong, she didn't.
Now, either leave, or stay and have a relationship with this woman, but stop making her feel guilty about anything. She didn't do anything wrong.
J
2006-09-14 04:58:27 · answer #3 · answered by frankly2u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take some time for yourself away from the situation.
It's never good to be just "friends" with somebody that you are married to. What did you think would happen? You guys were on a break!! She found somebody who would give her attention, and a temp. good love feeling. She probably didn't want to tell you, because you didn't have any encounters with women. So try for some counseling for yourself and the 2 of you. If you still live together, then there is hope. Forget the other guy. Romance her and let her know that she is the one, still.
2006-09-14 03:08:49 · answer #4 · answered by ht_butterfly27 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"you decided to break up and be friends" Let's see, that usually means that you are free to see other people - right?.... So your wife went out with (I also suspect a lot more than "kissing") another guy and now your are p1ssed off and crying about "trust" issues. You are a g0ddamned hypocrite and both of you are immature morons. Either you divorce, or you stay together, none of this crap of "breaking up and being friends". Get back together long enough to see a counselor and make you choices from that point OK? I hope you are smart and mature enough to follow this advice, but I doubt it...Good Luck
2006-09-14 03:58:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well once you're married you have to make and give sacrifices and forgive but there not forgetting now if it was a common relationship then you have every right to leave,it's not so you guys need quality time together and have one last discussion about it an let by gons be by gons i know it may take time to trust her but love can overcome anything if it's real. i'm not taking sides but maybe it was something she need and you were not there but whatever it was you got hurt from it and you realize it try to work through it.She need to be woman enough to tell you the truth whether it hurt you or make you stronger just listen to her and she listen to you. don't play the fool for love communication is the key. GOOD LUCK !!!!
2006-09-14 03:11:52 · answer #6 · answered by sexychocolate 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My suggestion to you is that you take some time alone to really think about what you want and what is best for you. I think that it is great that she did not " go all the way" with this guy but it concerns me that she would lie about it. Relationships to me are all about trust. When it gets to the point that you cannot trust your spouse the relationship is practically over. However, if you can forgive her for what she has done ( and I do mean REALLY forgive her) then you two may be able to work things out with a lot of hard work. marriage is not east...trust me. Good Luck!
2006-09-14 03:07:28 · answer #7 · answered by shavon t 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
During those three weeks, you all decided you were single (with benefits apparently) so what happened shouldn't even be considered. If you had the opportunity during those three weeks to kiss someone I bet you would have done it. If you didn't want to know, you shouldn't have asked. You should've just let the past be just that. Sounds like to me you are looking for another way out of this relationship. Drop it, get counseling, and go on. Or blow it out of proportion and leave her.
2006-09-14 03:14:14 · answer #8 · answered by country girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
are both of you willing to try marriage counseling?she shouldn't have lied true,but it was a very bad idea to break up and be friends. usually that means a divorce isn't too far behind. as for fire, that's highly over-rated!!!!!!!! have you tried everything yet.she made a mistake. she may have been afraid of how you'd react and backed herself in a corner. you've only been married a few years. talk out problems with each other find a solution together.
2006-09-14 03:16:56 · answer #9 · answered by bama g 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even when two people are married you still need a tiny bit of privacy. This means STAY OUT OF HER E-MAIL!!! You were on a break when she was with this other man, so you cannot hold it against her. Just because you were still living together and sleeping in the same bed did not mean she had to be faithful to you. Because you both decided that it was over and you were *just friends*. While you were on your break that gave you a free pass to bang other chicks and you passed your chance. Now get over it, and get on with your life. Forgive your wife and accept her, or forget it and divorce. Whatever.
2006-09-14 03:10:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋