Boyfriend and family trouble. I've been w/ my BoyFriend for 6 years. About 3 months ago my BF started living with me,in my family's home. Initially the reason he was living with me was because his parents lived very far from a class that he was taking to prepare for an exam. He just graduated. It was hard enough having my parents accept my BF staying in their home b/c of cultural issues. My BF and I are not allowed to sleep in the same bedroom. My BF is allergic to cats therefore I gave him my room to sleep in. I sleep on a cot outside of my room. It's now close to 4 months and my BF is still living with me. He just started work and now his job is even farther away from his parents home. This is his first job out of school therefore his financial situation is not great yet. My parents feel uncomfortable about my boyfriend living at my house. My parents are driving me knots. And my boyfriend doesn't realize how stressed I feel. I feel like it's my fault. Any Advice?
2006-09-14 02:03:03 · 16 answers · asked by minpin1 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I understand that your boyfriend is not a passing thing for you, you seem committed to him. You also seem mature enough to respect your familys wishes as far as "sleeping" arrangements go.
Your boyfriend should be thankful to your family that they allowed him to reside in their home while he prepared for his exam. But the exam is over, and he is now employed, he needs to look for his own place. No matter what his financial stuation is, it is not your familys responsibility to help support your boyfriend for anymore than they aggreed to do. Your family seems to have been willing to help when the need was there, but now it seems that they feel that they are being taking advantage of. If your boyfriend is as respectful of your family, then he will not be offended by the idea that it is time for him to move on and become more independant. If he still needs help, have him look to his family. I understand that they live very far from where he needs to be, but they could contrubute in a monitary way each month, after all he is their child and they are the ones to help him in an extended way, not your parents.
Besides if this is his first job out of school, then I think that your boyfriend needs to get the idea into his head that his finacial situation isn't going to be great for quite a while. It's called working your way to the top. When you begin in life you pretty much start at the bottom so he and you, both, need to get the idea that you must have everything right now out of your mind. You start slow and accumulate things as you go, at first things aren't so good but over time it will get better. And the hard times you go through in the beginning will help you appreciate the good times in the end all the more.
2006-09-14 02:23:25 · answer #1 · answered by whatelks67 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't waste ur time n energy trying to find who is to blame. Maybe its worth considering moving out together. I dare say its no picnic for him at ur parents' house too. I've had to live with my in laws before n it was a challenge just keeping grip of my sanity, let alone making plans. Talk to him! Tell him how u feel n that ur not sure if u can stand this living arrangement any longer. Or alternatively, sit down with him n explain what it is he does that is so annoying n see if u can come to a compromise with him. He does sound a lil selfish, taking ur room n all, to leave u sleepin in the hallway but i don't know the specifics n practicalities of ur house, parents, etc. Maybe it's time for u to do some hard core thinking n decide if this relationship is still what U want.
2006-09-14 02:13:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont belive that you should invite someone to live with you when YOU live with someone else. Probably neither one of you are contributing to the household financially, and to add more fuel to the fire, parents dont believe in their children living together or having sex before marriage, and you two are doing atleast 1 of the 2 RIGHT UNDER THEIR ROOF! You boyfriend should not want to put you in a peridicument like that and it seems to me that he's just ignoring all this stress and tension in the household. He doesnt need to be there so maybe you guys should give your parents a deadline on when he or both of you guys will be out. That doesnt mean make it a year from now (LOL)!
2006-09-14 02:09:09 · answer #3 · answered by superbad~honeydip 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have a permanet resident in your parents home . it also looks like it is one excuse after the other not to return to his own parents home. Why in the first place would you giv eup your bed and sleep on a cot? suggest you show this guy the door. If i was your parent, I too would be uncomfortable with a guy like this living in my home.
He has already started a trend in what he i s going to be like and your not heading for a good relationship.
best to show him the door. Letting hims stay is going to give him the opportunity to find more reasons every day to live off you and your parents. Has he even offered to pay something towards living there. I think I know the answer to that. drop him gal.
2006-09-14 02:10:31 · answer #4 · answered by apostle1938 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a hard situation but generally the best thing for any relationship is that both parties are fully in the picture. It is important that you are streight with him, let him know how you feel, don't be brutal but help him to understand. If he loves you he will be concerned and want to try and work something out. Even if it's not the perfect solution for all. If you are keeping all this from him then you are not giving him the oppitunity to try and make it better.
Hope you work it out!
Best of luck
2006-09-14 02:12:19 · answer #5 · answered by Oscar100 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well hon, sit him down and lay the situation on the table as plainly as you have done here, can't his parents help him out financially, in terms of living arrangements, and your parents are right to be uncomfortable, your situation is not like "seventh heaven" your home doesn't seem to be too big, anyhow at the end of the day it your parent's home so do something, and if your boyfriend is not understanding then he can't really be worth it, i don't care how long you've been together. anyhow all the best.
2006-09-14 02:10:01 · answer #6 · answered by diva anne 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first it isnt your fault. second if i were your parents i would be happy cause hes tryin to get somewere so thats good. so i think that maybe rent a small apartment thats like just big enought for u 2. to do that u bboth need a job a good job, no mc donals or taco bell or fast food. manual labor pays better and quicker. im 14 and im makin 16.00 an hour for drywalling. so im sure u can do just as good. so save money and get out so u can do what U want to do. or if u arnt already try to hlp them with rent and that kind of stuff. hlp them with the food etc. cause that will make them happy. im sure of it. also im sure u want to start a family with him right? talk to your parnets about that they always can hlp. remember ITS NOT YOUR FAULT. good luck
2006-09-14 02:14:12 · answer #7 · answered by Squeaker 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how about you and your BF save up and get a place of your own that way you two can do what ever you want depending on your age of cause try and get a place close to his job and mabey get a job of your own to help with the bills, food and rent but if you two are in love the both of you will come up with something in the end and find a way through your problems
2006-09-14 02:14:32 · answer #8 · answered by meandragon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just because he's your boyfriend doesn't give him the privilege to enjoy what you're giving him now.
he's a man. he needs to be independent, most especially, from your parents' home/income.
talk it over with him. don't drive him like he's a scum or something. he must have felt a special bond with you and your family which might have made him think it's OK to stay. but he won't know your issue unless you talk things over. you'll be doing him a great favor, because at least, independent living will give him confidence.
2006-09-14 02:09:37 · answer #9 · answered by windows82 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is driving you knots, at least that is better than him driving you nuts. Can you guys afford to move out together, or can he get a room for rent? Room for rents are cheaper. Maybe he can get one nearby.
2006-09-14 02:07:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋