Could someone who really knows please help with question of divorce?

Question

A very good friend of mine and her husband are leading seperate lives for the past 10 years. He threatened to rather kill her than divorce her. Her kids are grown and independent. Can she start divorce procedings without his knowlege and hide until the divorce is legal? Does she have to appear everytime there is a case? She refuses any entitlement of the divorce settlement. She just wants to leave and look for love somewhere else.

Answer 1

There is not anyway to get a divorce without both parties knowing about it. Even the simplest divorce, (summary dissolution) requires both signatures. That doesn't mean that the person asking for the divorce has to face the other person. Usually the lawyer handling the case will take care of getting the signature from the other spouse.

Answer 2

Your friend will have to have papers served on him to notify him of a hearing for a divorce. She can not hide the divorce proceedings without his knowledge or hide the divorce until it is legal. She does have to appear every time there is a hearing. If she refuses any entitlement, she may ask him for a dissolution. It is less costly and everything is agreed upon before you go to court. If he is not wanting the divorce because he would have to split everything, he may go for it. She would still have to consult a lawyer regarding a dissolution. He/She, the lawyer, will still try to talk her into not giving up everything, but that is her decision. Good Luck!

Answer 3

She can file for divorce. She has to be prepared though for his retaliation. If he threatens her after receiving papers, then she can get a protection order against him. Most of the time she will have to appear in court. Unfortunately, she can only hide until the first hearing date. After that, she may have to move around a bit to keep him from finding her but it can be done.

Answer 4

Yes, she could file the divorce while hiding. Unfortunately she would have to come to court...her best bet is to get a restraining order. This way, when she does have to come to court, once the proceeding is over he'll have to stay a certain distance away. If she advises the judge that he has threatened he, he'll make a deputy, or baliff restrain the bast*rd while she leaves.
Forget leaving with nothing...tell her to clean him out.

Answer 5

She really needs to contact a woman's shelter for abused women.. Typically a woman's shelter takes you to a safe house that is unknown from the spouse. As well she needs to get a protective order against her husband. She should be able to file for a divorce while there.. Threats are to be taken very seriously.. I would also make sure the children are fully aware of the situation for their own protection. The ending of your questions I am unsure .. I would suggest that she talks to a lawyer regarding that

Hugs from a Loving Mom to a Brilliant, as well as beautiful 8 year old Jared and Our Angel, Zachary (taken to soon but who will always remain in our heart) ~ Mel

Answer 6

See, here's the thing...the other party has to be served the papers, informing him of the proceedings. The new privacy laws keep information from public record, and if she uses an attorney, his address will be on the papers, not hers.

Answer 7

i don't know what country u live but in country i live (in european union) we can get divorsed via male. if he won't disagree nobody will ask him, they will just wait for 6 months and divorse automatically. but they will notify him by male anyway so u can't divorse a man without him knowing it

Answer 8

Readers ask about divorce:



"Could someone who really knows please help with question of divorce?

A very good friend of mine and her husband are leading seperate lives for the past 10 years. He threatened to rather kill her than divorce her. Her kids are grown and independent. Can she start divorce procedings without his knowlege and hide until the divorce is legal? Does she have to appear everytime there is a case? She refuses any entitlement of the divorce settlement. She just wants to leave and look for love somewhere else."

=================

SUPERBOOKS ANSWERS:

====================
That's an interesting question. I've seen many women get "divorced" without ever going into a court of law.

Divorce isn't always a piece of paper. Sometimes a real true divorce can be a simple thing like getting physically away from the person.

For example, one woman that I know applied for a midnight to eight am job just to get her DIVORCE from her husband. Her husband worked DAYS, so she didn't see him in the daytime. Then she worked midnight to eight Am, that meant she didn't have to see him in the evenings either or sleep with him. Now, if that's not a divorce, I don't know what is. This woman saw her husband between the hours of eight pm (when he came home from work, until Ten thirty pm (when she left for her job). WOW

The woman spent only two and one half hours with her husband on most days. And on the weekend, she went shopping and ran errands so that got her away more and more.

So, see divorce isn't always a legal paper.

There are so many ways that women can get away from men who have threatened to kill them if they "divorce" them.

Some ways are:

Taking a job that is a commuter job (working in another city. There is lots of travel and not much free time after working)

Taking a job in a summer day camp- a sleep over camp. You are gone all summer long and some winter weekends.


taking midnight to eight Am jobs , this gives you nights away from him.

Going on work weekends. You don't pay for hotels and you get your meals free and you are away all weekend "working" .


Taking separate vacations. You can camp out and or you can go to visit friends in other states or even in other countries.

Join clubs and organizations. then you have the "excuse" of going somewhere and he doesn't go with you . Go to all the meetings and attend all the events that your club has.


Get out into public more often. Join a church . Join any social organization that will put you in touch with other human beings who think like you think.


So, there's the physical part of the divorce.

These ways get you AWAY from someone who is theatening you.

Here are other ways.

Go back to school for GED or for college. If your husband works days, go to college at night. That gets you away from him.

Get into some lobbying or into some political group and attend all their outings and all their lobbying sessions. Usually there is free transportation and that will usually get you out of your city for a day or two and you will be accomplishing great things too.

Volunteer at your local hospital or school.

Go to your precinct and apply for the job of school crossing guard. This will put you in touch with the police --a safety factor -when youi are living with someone who theatens you .

And , also, you can even join the AUXILIARY police force. Put an application in and join them. You'll feel more confident and you have the whole police force backing you when you are in need. They do back their other officers.

Go help out at your child's school. Enter all the activities, join the bake fairs..etc.


Here's more ways.

Get yourself a guard dog that you keep at home. You'll feel more protected. If you have no children, you can even get a baby pit bull and he will be your friend for life (in some states, it's not legal to own pit bulls so check the laws first).

So become more confident by going back to school and back to work and these things will break the isolation for you until you are actually ready to get the LEGAL Divorce. You don't evn really need a legal divorce unless you plan to remarry.

ALL rights reserved including Internet, International and electronic rights. No copies without prior written permission from [e-mail]

oh , yes, join some women's support groups and you'll get more ideas and some support there too.


Those things bring you the actually physical divorce. Please note that once you begin legal procedures, you'll probably see the person more often and you'll spend more time with your husband than before the divorce began. (You'lll have to keep seeing hiim in court, after appearances and more appearances, and once you begin proceedings, if he is a batterer ...or threatening person, he will see you more and more by stalking you. ) .

So, discover really what you want? Do you want to see him less (then don't divorce him yet) ..or do you want to be obligated to see him more ? then begin divorce proceedings immediately .

Are you already taking separate vacations? Are you already safe?
then stay that way and do things that keep you alive and keep you safe.

The main objective is to stay SAFE AND STAY ALIVE , correct?

Good.

So, your objective is not to get a piece of paper , correct?

but your objective is to stay alive, Correct?

Then make your choices wisely and know that there are many dead divorced women (killed by men who threatened to kill them IF they got divorced), and many quite alive women (who stayed alive by STAYING --until it was just the right time to leave).


Divorce papers are not a sign of freedom nor are they a guarantee that someone who has threatened you in the past will stop threatening you.

READ the book called, THE GIFT OF FEAR by Gavin DeBecker.

In that book , he discusses divorce and stalking and orders of protection and he discusses workplace violence and domestic violence and everything related to all of those subjects and more.

Know that you never need that piece of paper to really be 'divorced'. You just need the piece of paper if you want to legally re-marry someone else.

(How many women and men do you know that are closer now, and see each other more now, while they are in the process of the divorce or after the divorce? The courts force couples to see each other more -at court dates, at arbitrations, and at custody hearings and psychological hearings, and at all post-ponements, and also during visitations for children. Sometimes, some women admit they have MORE contact with their ex-husbands than they ever had with their husbands when they were legally married.

HOw's that possible? Just listen to the stories of women who are divorced or getting divorced, in large cities. (Perhaps in smaller towns , this might be different).

Answer 9

Papers have to be signed and notices must be given