My ex says i'm the woman his heart yearns for, but his mind tells him my lack of direction in life means he wont be successful with me. Is this just a ploy to stay in my bed, or his he really struggling to rationalise.
I've always known he was lead by logic, and being somewhat of a free spirit i often let my heart rule me, but is there really no middle ground.
Are your either ruled by 1 or the other (heart/mind).
Are we star struck lovers, or is this just the basic human condition, wanting to have your cake and eat it.
2006-09-14 00:30:19 · 9 answers · asked by catzw81 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Philosophy
ok i'll explain some more.... we've always had deep conversations were nothing was taboo.
recently he passed me a copy of paulo coelho's 'the zahir', saying it was similar to our relationship. (i haven't finished reading it, perhaps i should have before posting this question)
when we were together i felt like i was constantly chasing after him, financially so as not to need him. i have a fairly constant but jumpy work history. i love working just haven't found a job i love yet. (that's what i meant by he'd be more successful without me)
i'd be hard if not impossible to buy a house together, and the future seems less stable financially,as i've been known to quit a job without having another 1 to go to
i'm almost 25 and he's almost 30
2006-09-15 01:57:23 · update #1
Am I being naïve, does the 5 yrs between us and my rose coloured view of love mean that I’m willing to understand that his reason for us not being together at the moment is ‘he’s lead by logic, and his mind tells him in order to achieve the things he wants in life he has to do them without me, as financially I could be a burden in the future’. is logic more important that love?
2006-09-15 02:01:57 · update #2
wants of the mind is more important and not that of heart.
2006-09-14 00:41:21 · answer #1 · answered by Bhahagyam 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it could be so many different things. A cop out w/intelligence. A lack of maturity on his part...maybe he knows he is not ready for a long term, perm. relationship.
You don't mention age here...I would protect myself...you already say he is your ex. He is your ex for a reason...move on...shake him off, let him go...it is going to hurt but if you are searching for a forever love - he has just verbized his inability to be that. Plus in a way he has told you that YOU are not good or right for him. Could doubts like that ever be over come?
I would like to think (romantic notion maybe) that love is ruled by both heart and mind. A mix of both making love so strong it can overcome all the odds. This guy really sounds like he is coping out...you wanna hang your hat with a guy like that? If you do, I think you are asking for heartbreak.
2006-09-14 07:43:42 · answer #2 · answered by Angelfood 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think we are ruled by one or the other, it just depends on the individual. I myself am ruled by my heart. My mind tries to rationalize why the things the heart wants are bad, and tries to change them, but is unsuccessful. I think the basic human condition is the fact that these 2 things rarely if ever agree, and we must choose on our own which to follow. If we let our minds rule we are most often too cautious and miss out on wonderful things that our heart wants. If we let our heart rule we may get hurt but we still will have those experiences that we may not have taken if we leave it all to the mind.
2006-09-14 11:15:22 · answer #3 · answered by GoodJob 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You make a good point and you are right on all accounts: People can have inclinations one way or the other, they can be rational or emotional thinkers and almost everyone is a mix of both, it is just part of your personality. However, even if your boyfriend truly believed what he is saying, why would he ever say it to you other than to keep you from pressuring him into further commitment. At one point or another in a relationship we always think whether it is better to stay or leave...but whu hurt your partner saying everything. I thikn your BF is full of **** or he just needs a filter put in his head to learn to keep certain things inside. Sorry for my bluntness
2006-09-14 09:07:42 · answer #4 · answered by brazilian76 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say Heart. Once your heart is happy, the rest of your being will be too, therefore, your mind.
Your ex needs to think....Could I live without this woman? Would I be okay if I met her at a restaurant while she was on a date with another man, would I feel okay about that?
Your question to yourself would be the same about him.
If you wouldn't be happy about seeing him with another lady and think you couldn't live without him, then I'd say you both belong together.
As for him not being successful because of your lack of direction, he's just finding someone to blame. He's the only one who can help himself be successful and you being there for support, therefore, your lack of direction has nothing to do with his success.
Wish you the best.
2006-09-14 07:44:16 · answer #5 · answered by babbles 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You`ve answered your own question "Ploy" . Well about the heart , you live in the heart and it is hard to read the heart to that ,you must be aware of yourself. The mind is your Map in life full of roads you have travelled and remembered .When your mind is under stress life is not clear .When you calm the mind ,life is clear and then you can see and understand whats around you and what other beings are all about stay calm ,and you will see if life around you is cake or icing to Him.
2006-09-14 07:50:51 · answer #6 · answered by Dvplanetwaves 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It just depends on which one you let rule your life and make your decisions for you.
Emotional (heart) leading is truly emotional, and emotions are not stable nor dependable because they're constantly changing.
Mind can be ruled by Logic, if one understands it, or uses their mind to make rational decisions.
Most people are ruled by emotions, unfortunately.
What it seems like to me is that your ex is telling you that you are not really the one for him as a life partner.
2006-09-14 11:47:02 · answer #7 · answered by Big Bear 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is doubtful that either one, pure logic or pure emotion, could ever be completely absent in human beings, however, if only one could exist it had better be logic. Just as it is possible for a choice to be made in the cases of each and every small action taken in our daily lives, it is possible to make a similar choice over the larger, global issues we make about ourselves. One could choose, globally, to select his acts to be taken on the side of reasonableness over emotion... and of course the inverse is just as possible - nothing being etched in stone; we have chosen who we are and we will choose what we become tomorrow.
Your boy friend may well be in earnest rather than simply playing a card, his decision may, in his mind, be final and inflexible; however, he will be challenged to rethink his position again and again and again... and so will you.
((( r u randy? )))
2006-09-14 08:08:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends on the individual which is stronger, and both can be ignored. But you may pay a price if you do. What kind of Success is he wanting that "you" need better direction and focus.
2006-09-14 07:43:26 · answer #9 · answered by mark g 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋