My wife of 24 years and I seperated and now to be divorced. She said I was to controling. I believe guys call it protective, whatever at this point. She has been attached to this co-worker at her job for the past 2 yrs. without me knowing, I probably would of tried to control that, too. Any way she lives with this married man in an apt. she just leased. I have the kids and she get visitation. My 19 yr. old daughter told me a secret that I was not to share. The new guy, has issues, he cuts himself when he gets upset. Once my wife was was late getting back to him and found he had cut his leg. He said he was upset because she was late..CONTROL? now in a week my kids are to go there over night. I do not believe there would be any danger, although, his issues are a secret. I may be jumping to conclusions but, If my wife doesn't comply with him and he gets upset....I do not like it. I think my wife fell for this guy because he is NICE to her and says the right things when I did not.
2006-09-14 00:05:31 · 17 answers · asked by james.ampmerch 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your wife jumped from the pot to the fire. Only she can decide to get out of this relationship.
2006-09-14 04:45:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
DO NOT let your children into that situation. You do not need to let your children witness an adulterous relationship. Tell her that they can go over if he is out of the house, period. It sounds like he is a whack job anyway. As for controlling you must not have been very good at it if she could pull off a two year affair. She is so off base here that you do not need to accommodate her wishes in any way. She should get her visitation in a controlled atmosphere. Do not let her label your behavior as a cause for her actions. You might not have paid total attention but how was controlling a reason to do this. Speaking of control this cutting behavior is very controlling. It is the statement that if you do not do what I want I will harm myself. It is emotional blackmail and very controlling. If she cannot recognize this you may have to have her do supervised visits. Do not let the children become a party to this.This type of mental illness is not something to burden your children with.
2006-09-14 07:27:38 · answer #2 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old are the other children that are going over for visitation, the nineteen year old can make her own conclusions, but I wouldn't let my children around anyone that is cutting themselves, this man apparently needs help and has issues, which is probably why your wife left you for him, so she feels like she is more in control.
And why is this man telling your nineteen year old Secrets, that is odd, I wouldn't worry anymore about what NICE things are being said to your ex wife or not, she made her bed, you can stay out of it, but the children I would be concerned about.
2006-09-14 07:30:28 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There's not much you can do about the situation unless you let it be known that you know the issues, which would betray the trust of your daughter. At 19, your daughter is old enough to realize if she is in danger and to have you come get them if she feels they are. It doesn't matter why your wife is with this other guy.....get divorced and move on. You deserve someone that won't cheat on you, right? Sounds to me like it's her loss.
2006-09-14 07:35:15 · answer #4 · answered by bluez 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even though this is a secret, imagine if your kids were to be over there when he had one of his "spells". I would honestly keep the children away from that situation if at all possible. And what about your wife? What if he does something to her? This is a very sticky situation. If she loves this guy, then she should definitely seek help for him. Any matter, you should talk with her, or have your daughter talk with her since she knows, and you are not suppose to know. Good luck with all of this.
2006-09-14 07:15:34 · answer #5 · answered by Mother of One 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did not say how old all your children are. If they are minors you need to get a hold of child services and have your 19 year old tell them the truth. If they are adults you can not do anything.
If minors you must do something. They are going into an unsafe eviorement and you should do everything to get your 19 year old to tell authorities the truth. You can tell them but you are a third party and unless backed up nothing can be done.
Get 19 year old to act like an adult and do the correct thing.
2006-09-14 07:27:03 · answer #6 · answered by Mit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your hurt is understandable. However, look inwards and realize what you could have done better. Please do not nurture hate for your wife. If what you say is 100% true, she may need your help soon. This new guy may not be the right decision she made. However, do not force the issue. Allow her to take her time. Bond more with your children. I know its easy to advise, mate. But life's like that.
2006-09-14 07:15:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not sure whether you still love your ex-wife, or just feel pathetic with her. What you have mentioned does not indicate whether the man loves the woman or not. I just find the man childish.
You ex-wife left you after the marriage have lasted for 24 years, there must something wrong between both of you.
2006-09-14 07:30:42 · answer #8 · answered by Billy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your wife just wanted to do her thing. No one is perfect. You are probaly right about your kids going over, but it sounds like they are old enough to do what they want. I walked out on my husband of 18 years for all kinds of reasons that I thought would justify myself. In truth I had the best thing at home. Now I live with regret. I hope she will see for herself before she loses everything.
2006-09-14 07:17:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your children's safety is at stake, then all bets are off. You need to tell your wife that Edward Scissor Hands makes you nervous. I don't know much about this cutting thing, but I think it's a mental something-or-another. If your kids told you, then they know something is wrong. Look at it like this, if it was no big deal, you never would have heard about it.
2006-09-14 09:38:40 · answer #10 · answered by vitamin D 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This issues is out of control and if that what she wants, what can you say. It looked like both of her relationships was somewhat abusive. Perhaps she don't know any other way to handle her situation. It would probably do her good to get some counseling.
2006-09-14 07:26:06 · answer #11 · answered by JoJoBa 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋