We were married for 24 years and my wife would like it if we could just be friends. I told her I do not want to be friends with her and her boyfriend. Is this normal? I know he will eventually be in our childerns lifes when they go visit my X and her room-mate lover. But what part is the healthest role for me in this relationship. I do not like the guy because he is still married and was secretely with my wife 2 years before the divorce and I did not even know.
2006-09-13 23:40:57 · 16 answers · asked by james.ampmerch 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
be happy & live ur life
2006-09-14 00:16:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't blame you a bit for not wanting anything to do with him, but you still need to be on good terms with her for the kids' sake. You will have to try to accept the fact that she is still the mother of your children and that however you act in front of them will affect them as well. The man has initially stole your wife and marriage away from you therefore It is fair that you don't want anything to do with him. The kids will still need both parents though.so the way I'd handle it would be to look at it like it is a team effort between you and her to raise the kids up as best as you can, and try to agree on times that are equal to both parents to see the kids. I am sorry to hear about this situation and I know it's hard but with time you will find it a little bit easier. I wish you all the best.
2006-09-14 06:50:28 · answer #2 · answered by zekemilli4 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Chidren pick up on tension and it plays on them emotionally. They won't say they are hurting and will carry it for a long time with them. very unhealthy. You don't have to be friends, hanging out type, but to be friendly especially around the kids would be more beneficial to them. You are the much better person for doing this. Stand tall my friend. She is only trying to ease the guilt off her shoulders, something she has to live with. Find some kind of forgiveness in your heart and move on with you. Your heart sounds so heavy with pain.
2006-09-14 07:29:05 · answer #3 · answered by Tammy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i understand how you feel but you must not even trip on him . it is about the kids show her that you a the best father they could have ever ask for. they need you more than anything else believe me i know. mom is busy with her new boyfriend right now then when the old wear off she will be ready to come back to you probably. that is usually how it works. even if she don't want you back treat her nice and go on with your life. you are just seeing how she really is anyway. keep in mind the kids need you. it is not about her it is about them.
2006-09-14 06:56:25 · answer #4 · answered by sweet sexy san 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At the moment the best thing for you to think about is what is going to make you feel happiest and most comfortable. Most importantly think about your children too. If she was cheating on you for 2 years the last thing that you need to do is any favours for her by just being a friend to her and her boyfriend.
2006-09-14 06:44:45 · answer #5 · answered by Jelly Baby 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your role in all this is as a loving parent to your kids ... sadly they deserve each other ... and he is still cheating on his current wife ... what makes your ex think he wont be cheating on her? or even that he intends to marry her IF he divorces his wife. also, this is not a good role madel for your kids. you can still be cordial toward your ex, however, you do not have to be her friend ... friends can be trusted and you have no trust relationship with her anymore.
2006-09-14 07:03:04 · answer #6 · answered by casurfwatcher 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you do not need to be friends. She is welcome to visit the kids but not with the married guy in tow. This is not what you are trying to teach them. There is no requirement that you accept her behavior or lover. Especially given the history.
2006-09-14 07:15:31 · answer #7 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there are children involved it probably would be best for you to swallow your pride and keep on good terms with your wife and her boyfriend no matter how it much it makes you upset. The children come first.
2006-09-14 06:43:02 · answer #8 · answered by goodbye 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your feelings are normal. Of course you do not want to be friends with her new boyfriend.
Be there for your children.
Your children are now the ones that need you, your support, and you love.
Love and be there for your children.
You dont have to like your ex girls man...
Or her for her decision...
Be there for your kids.
They will love and respect you in the end.
2006-09-14 06:47:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't treat friends the way she treated you. She's basicaly just trying to keep you as backup in case things screw up with her new guy.
You don't have to be friends with her to get along with her. Casual acquaintance fits just fine. Anything else is just asking for pain.
2006-09-14 06:53:50 · answer #10 · answered by DogbertCarroll 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
be friendly to your wife because you dont want to show your kids that even after a divorce you cant get along. you dont necessarily have to like her boyfriend/roommate.
Good luck!
2006-09-14 10:08:25 · answer #11 · answered by daisie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋