Because my parents would kick me out and disown me... again... for being in a "sinful" relationship with a guy... I broke up with William, who I had been in a three year relationship with, six and a half years ago just for a family that will not allow me to be myself, and are still forcing me to someone I am not.
I swear I am about to go insane here! I hate my life, my choices, and myself. I feel like nothing more than a puppet to my family. I am not sure what I can do though, I care too much about my family, and I try too much to please them.
How long do you think I can continue to live like this? Why can my family not accept me as I am? I told them when I was seventeen, they kicked me out, I decided to live as their puppet a month later and they "forgave me" and took me back in. Why can I not stop caring about what what a family that obviously does not care about me thinks?
2006-09-13 23:20:15 · 33 answers · asked by bradley_1983_sullivan 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
You seem to be very sensitive to your family's opinion of you. You have a right to be happy. If they cannot support you, then maybe it's time to move out and move on. If they truly loved you they would support you in every way, no matter what choices you have made in life. They should want you to be happy, not living a lie to suit them. I can understand that you wan to please your family, but I think you need to start pleasing YOU! They need to accept who your are and love unconditionally. That is what family is supposed to do. My best wishes to you on this journey we call life!
2006-09-13 23:29:01 · answer #1 · answered by greenmountains84 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It sucks that you are in this dilema, but you must look for your own happiness, and finding it, hopefully bring more happiness into your greater family. Many gay men and women have been where you are. Your family evidently cares nothing for your needs and desires, and therefor, cannot be described as your family. With all of the proof about homosexuality not being a choice (look to the examples of whales, swans, eagles and such, the physiological differences between straight people and gay - fingerprints and the size of the pituitary gland) their inability to accept and love you for what you are is a problem THEY have, not you, and is not your problem, but THEIRS to overcome.
It sounds like you are in your late twenties...move out, get a job, find other gay men and women to share your life with (socially, not always sexually). There is a reason the gay community uses the word "family"...we are each other's family.
It sucks, and it may be tough, but that's what life is all about. Go out and live yours, be your own man, choose the person you choose to love, and if your family still doesn't accept and love you, they evidently never did.
2006-09-14 00:42:00 · answer #2 · answered by Michael O 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sort of in a similar situation in a sense, but im ts not gay. My mum has tried to control my life and choices for a few months, and i had to keep everything bottled up for ages. But this only made things worse and i went for the rope. Not a good way to go, since then, i have taken things into my own hands and had to go behind my mum's back to accomplish the things i need to do.
It is hard for them to accept, and it is hard for you and you have two choices.
Either, you work together and carry on living like a family, or you go your seperate ways. Sooner or later, your family may accept it, but you cant wait for them, live as you want to, and let them catch up when they are ready.
2006-09-17 05:22:23 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
personal choice is a mf'er huh? LOL
I oppose any authoritarianism or cultural dogmas, I believed I was in a free country, but yet my own family did not want me to change or admit I had other feelings, other beliefs or other spiritual discovery
in order for me to live free, it made me have to be self supportive and interdependant, not simply independant. For me I need interaction and symbiosis with other folks. I left and don't visit often, it's only been recently after years and years they see I'm not about to 'change back' and accept thier limited ways of thinking and strict guidelines of fundamentalism and conformity
"the Guru Papers, masks of authoritarian power" was a great book to read, as well as 'out of the shadows' for other reasons
come to find out in my perfect family we all had our issues and they hid behind the religion and utopian mentality but were just as human and just in need of real love and closeness as we all are
but they choose to keep up "the act" and I choose to live as I am, not as they wish me to be. If I did, the greeks would call my a member of the Hypodrome or a hypocrite, an actor
my parents love for a long time was conditional upon my behavior, and if I didn't conform, out the door buddy. Lately they accept me after years of waiting for me to come back....that's why I mentioned the control book, Guru Papers...many religions do it and the only way to break it is for the victim of that abuse is to not allow it and break the cycle.
if there are others, contact me!
2006-09-14 01:51:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First u R not a puupet. Ur a person. Ask dem "do you love me, enough to accept me?". If dey say no (an no offence) dey R not ur parents. U r special, an wonderful. Dont go insane. Dont go 2 der expectations. cause den ur only getting urself deeper. u deserve better!!!!!!!!!!! Plz luv urself, cause u need 2!! Its up 2 u afterall. but do u wanna live ur life in misery?
My parents accept me an love me. Das b cause deyre my flesh an blood . dey want me 2 b happy. so listen, if u gonna go wit dem, u r gonna live unhappy. An u deserve 2 b happy.
Remember i luv u an care bout u!!!!!!!!!!!!! If u need 2 talk im here. An plz dont do anyting stupid, cause den ur killing a part of me!!!! im always here!
2006-09-14 08:02:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
bradley_1983_sullivan,
You made a choice to "come out." And now you are acting double-minded. You made the decision now stick to it. You have to gain financial independence and move away from them. You will miss them, and that's decent of you, you have love for them, that's shows that you have a good heart.
However, you admission to your sex preference was enough to change them. It hasn't changed you, except for whatever fantasy you had about them accepting your preference.
I have found peace in Christ. I have love for God, more than I have love for my family. I have love for God, more than I love myself. I still think about sex with the same sex, but I trust God. I have found that everyone is a sinner. So they know your sin, but apparently they are better at hiding their own.
Not that makes you feel good about anything, eh? But if you are Christian, or have the desire to come to God, I can help you. But if not, then you'll just have to do it yourself. But that's kind of what got you into this mess in the first place, right?
If you want help, I can give it to you.
2006-09-14 05:08:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tow the line until you can safely exit the household and live on your own -- and that should be soon -- even if you should go to college.
I am sorry this had to happen to you. It should not have at all. Parents can disagree with you but they should not have taken it as far as they did.
When you are out on your own and very independent, you will feel much better. I hope this helps. Good luck.
2006-09-13 23:39:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Of course you want your families approval. It's a difficult position to be in. You just need to remember that this is YOUR life, not theirs. Do what makes you happy. It may take some time but eventually your family should come around and accept you for who you are. If they don't, as painful as that may be, you need to surround yourself with other people who will love and accept you. Remember, friends are the family we choose.
2006-09-13 23:24:20 · answer #8 · answered by Lucrecia2001 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
almost every week we watch movies in which characters have to make difficult decisions and resolutions.
and many times we think if we face those situations we would have no doubts and overcome them.
But this that you are facing is one of those situations. It will teach you a lot about who you are and what kind of strength you have.
this life is short (although i believe in reincarnation), and you must make an affirmative stand of who you are, or even who you'd like to become.
Nobody can help you in that. It's probably time for you to deal with it and stop postponing it.
Many many many people have faced that situation. you are not alone in that. and you will never be. Fears are on our mind only
2006-09-13 23:58:52 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are eighteen or over then you are a man...act like one!
Let go of their apron strings. If they can not accept you for who you are, don't accept them for who they are, ie homophobic. Just because they are your 'family' doesn't give them the right to rule your life and who you are. I left home at sixteen for that reason and never went back. You have to be true to yourself and part of that is saying accept me for who I am or get out of my life. Life is too short.
2006-09-16 04:16:23 · answer #10 · answered by Stuart C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋