...should I do? Should I get an abortion? Should I tell him before or afterwards? If I have it should I tell him? Help me please
2006-09-13 20:34:22 · 65 answers · asked by crazychick 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
U dont have to tell him anything if he was abusive to u! U do bad by yourself. As far as an abortion, please dont. The child didnt ask to be here so please think responsibly and remember, u dont have to tell your a@#hole ex-boyfriend anything about ur pregnancy
2006-09-13 20:37:40 · answer #1 · answered by good4u06@verizon.net 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Don't automatically dismiss abortion in the way some of these answer suggest.
First decide for yourself if you want a baby and accept the responsibility that will come with that.
Having an abortion is not murder and can sometimes be the best thing to do in the circumstances. But it is a very big decision and if you are not sure then you could end up regretting it for the rest of your life.
Look inside yourself and make a decision and then be confident that it is the right decision whatever it is.
This will be the key, as you will be tested in the future whatever you decide and if you are confident you made the right choice then the future tests will be easier.
What is really important here is to not listen to a load of narrow minded backward thinking people who still believe a woman shouldn't have a choice over her own body.
If you decide on an abortion then good luck.
As far as your b/f is concerned i definitely wouldn't tell him if you opt for the abortion but if you opt to keep the child then does he deserves to know?. As a man and a parent i feel strongly that children need fathers. But, and this is a big 'but' only you can decide if this is a good idea. You know his temperament and if you believe your child would be at risk of abuse then obviously don't tell him.
good luck
2006-09-13 21:03:33 · answer #2 · answered by GravyG 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've done the smartest thing already, you've left him! Avoid him. If you are going to have an abortion, why do you have to tell him you're pregnant? We can't tell you if you should have an abortion or not. That is up to you. We don't know all the details of your life and no one should judge you. The only thing for sure is that your ex b/f will beat you no matter what you do or say. If you decide to keep the baby and tell him so, he may beat you bad enough so you have a miscarriage. If you have an abortion and tell him after, he will beat you for that. An abusive person does not need a reason to hit somone. They just do it, no matter what. If you do decide to have the baby and tell him, don't be alone with him and watch your back. If he manages to assault you while you are pregnant, FILE CHARGES!!! He is the father of your baby and he will be granted visitation rights to the baby. WHAT WILL STOP HIM FROM ABUSING OR MOLESTING YOUR CHILD??? If there is a record of his abuse and violent behavior, the judge will order supervised visits so he has no chance to be alone with and hurt the baby.
Whatever you do, I hope you'll be OK.
2006-09-13 20:55:50 · answer #3 · answered by kitty-mama 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good thing that you have split up with the b/f you don't need nor deserve that kind of treatment. Now as for the baby , hun that is your decision and yours alone to decide if you feel it is something you can handle emotionally, regardless of how any of us feel about that issue. Now as far as telling him your pregnant , its not going to change him he will still be the person he is and unless he gets help he will continue to abuse. Me personally if i had to make your decision and it was to have an abortion would never tell this man you were pregnant , he can and may become very violent and that would be the last thing you would need. This is your life to make decisions about and he should have no more information at all about you. So you decide you are quite capable of making your own decisions and living your life without him involved in it again, move on sweetie move on and find a good guy , good luck
2006-09-13 20:52:27 · answer #4 · answered by momof8 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It dosent matter if your with him or not. The only question is do you want to have, and be responsible for another life right now?
If the answers is no, well then you shouldn't continue the pregnancy. You are young and will have many opportunities to have children when you are ready.
If you do want a child right now, well then start getting prenatal care and take care of yourself and your future child.
But please dont continue a pregnancy just because of your relationship. And remeber that the only change an abuser will make is to get even more violent. Please stay away from him and keep friends and family that will support you nearby.
Also, the courts are very family friendly, meaning they do not want to keep a father out of a childs life. So unless he has been violent to the child and it has been proven, then he will not be supervised during visitation. His violence against you will most likely not be a consideration when and if you would need court intervention. The system may be different where you live, I'm simply sharing what I have witnessed while working with women going through similar circumstances.
good luck.
2006-09-13 20:44:58 · answer #5 · answered by fa sol la 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The same thing happened to me. I split up with a violent man when I was 5 months pregnant. One side of my family wanted me to have an abortion at such a late stage and the other side suggested adoption. This is something only you can decide on. How far gone are you? Can you look ahead and imagine the future with a baby? If you decide on an abortion and tell him there's every chance he'll tell you he'll change. They rarely do though. The only thing you can do is go with your gut feeling. I went ahead and had my baby and am so glad I did, although he died at 2. It's an incredible love, the love you feel for your child. So different from adult love - totally unconditional.
2006-09-13 20:55:19 · answer #6 · answered by diana - b 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This really isn't a question for Yahoo Answers.
I'll be honest. If you are sure you will never go back with the violent boyfriend - 100% sure - and if you aren't awfully far along and think you want to terminate the pregnancy..... If I were in that particular situation I wouldn't tell the boyfriend before OR after.
If you have the baby, and if you are allowed to put "father unknown" on the birth certificate and accept that you will have to take on the financial burden without any assistance from the father - If I were in that situation I'd go with that option. Tough about the father. Your baby will be better off without him, though.
If you're going back and forth between abortion or no abortion it may be a sign that you aren't sure enough to be having any abortion. Just something that occurred to me. Good luck.
2006-09-13 20:54:12 · answer #7 · answered by WhiteLilac1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you think is best for the baby?
Would he be violent towards the child?
Would he take responsibility for his baby or would he have nothing to do with it?
Do you have stability, safety and love to offer this child because no child wants to live in the middle of a war zone between two parents that hate each other and are forever at each other's throats
But most of all, do you want something that ties you both together for the rest of your lives? I hate to say this but a child will be a connection to this man and if he does insist on being in his/her life, you will be forced to see this man until they grow up and leave home. Do you want that?
If you do decide to have an abortion, what would be the point in telling him? What he doesn't know won't hurt him and if he has a temper and tends to be violent, I think for your own safety you shouldn't tell him.
2006-09-13 21:15:11 · answer #8 · answered by mother knowledge 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Abortion is such a touchy subject as there are so many birth control products out there. On the other hand you should not tie yourself down to a baby if you are not ready. If your boyfriend is also violent - why spend your life with somebody who could harm you and the baby if you decided to keep it. Do what you think is right. You are probably all over the place at the moment and you would be better off getting professional advise. Good luck and I hope you make the right choice.
2006-09-13 21:07:00 · answer #9 · answered by Tabbyfur aka patchy puss 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Poor you, what an awful dilema. It is very difficult for other to understand why women (or men) stay with violent partners. My aunt was beaten black and blue on countless occassions. Unfortuately they had 3 children and often he would turn on them too.
We can only offer advice to you on this as it is going to have to be a choice that will affect your whole life afterwards. You need to sit down and think throught the pros and cons of both. If you have the baby there will always be help out there for you, so if it was a question of just how will you manage, you will. What needs to be thought about though, is that if you keep your baby, when it is born to enable you to get financial help you will need to name him to the CSA, he will then find out about the baby. With the baby he could always be around, even in the background but he could be there. Women have had children and dissapeared wit their children, gone into hiding etc, it can be done.
If you aborted the baby, I personally would say right now, I wouldn't say anything, it would be a clean break and what he doesn't know etc. Aborting a baby can stay with you for ever, you must seek some counsilling before and after if you decide to do this.
Did you find out you were pregnant before or after you split? Do you feel you are ready for a baby? A baby changes your life forever, I could never regret having our daughter, she is amazing, and gives me so much. There is and amazing link between a baby and its mother.
What about your family, can they help and offer advice?
I wish you all the luck with this, maybe you could seek advice at your local church, they seem to be very helpful in people in your situations.
You can email me again if you would like to talk.
God bless. xxxx
2006-09-13 21:01:47 · answer #10 · answered by pinkbabi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get some serious professional help before you make any decisions. You must be feeling very vunerable and frightened about your future, so you need to talk through your options with either your GP or an advisory service. You can only do what you think will be best for you and your unborn child - and you shouldn't feel any pressure from anyone who at the end of the day, won't be living your life for you. Try these people: http://www.brook.org.uk/content/ they will either help you, or point you in the right direction. You have made the right decision in splitting up with a violent man, I hope he seeks help as well before he does someone some serious damage. Good luck, and do keep us posted on how you're getting on.
2006-09-13 20:56:16 · answer #11 · answered by Pink girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋