Do you believe long distance relationships can work?

Question

Or is it a waste of time and energy?

Answer 1

If they remain long-distance without crossing over into real life, I believe it's a waste of time an energy. If they do cross over into real life, then all the rules of real life relationships apply - i.e., they may or may not work based on many factors. IMO, for a relationship to even qualify as "relationship", it needs to have a basis in reality, and can't remain long-distance for an indefinite length of time.

Answer 2

I met a man in April 1989 through a mutual circle of friends when they were all graduating college (I was a slacker college dropout -- but that's another story...) At the end of the summer, this guy moved to a city about 3 hrs by car from me with some other friends. I really liked him, and invented reasons to call their house when I knew they'd be out so I could talk to him. Soon I just started calling him and he'd call me. Throughout all of this, we were only FRIENDS. Then he moved halfway across the country for graduate school. We phoned each other constantly, wrote letters to each other -- this was all pre-internet, recall. We'd see each other maybe once or twice a year and often we'd end up drinking too much and having a little fling, but nothing serious.
During this time, we got to know each other in a way that would not have been possible with attraction and sexual tension getting in the way. We became best friends and we were the first ones each other would call with good or bad news, funny things we'd seen, etc. A level of trust was achieved that I don't think would have been possible with sex getting in the way. We didn't have that as a distraction.
So after the weekend of his college's 5th year reunion, he came for a visit with some others from our little circle. We all went out and drank too much, and on the subway ride home I finally said to him: "I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU AND EITHER WE HAVE TO GET MARRIED OR STOP TALKING TO EACH OTHER" or something to that effect. Unfortunately, he had to leave within hours to catch a flight back to his Midwestern University. Things were left off.... uncertain.
So I worried that I had ruined everything and lost my best friend. Thank goodness for call-waiting. The next day I was venting to my best girlfriend and it was the guy. We ended up talking into the middle of the night (this was also before cheap long-distance). That was pretty much it. He finished his PhD in the Midwest, and I finished my Bachelor's in another Eastern city. I purposely made the decision to NOT move out to the Midwest to be with him, because I wanted to finish what I had to finish on my own, and let him do the same. We did visit each other a lot more often and he finally moved out East 2 years later. Two years after that we got married. Six years after that we had our first child. I feel lucky that we got to truly know each other as our romantic relationship evolved. And I never had to dress up or shave my legs for our telephone "dates"!
I think long-distance relationships can work or not work, just as close-proximity relationships. Few relationships are a waste of time -- excepting abusive or destructive situations, of course. The ability to get to know the other person without the distraction of her pretty face or his cute butt is probably the number one advantage to a long distance relationship.
Looking back I sometimes think that I ought to have moved out to be with him earlier, but then again I really value that time I had on my own.
In conclusion, it won't take long to figure out if this is right or wrong for you. And I don't think it's a bad thing to get to know a person via words and ideas rather than through kisses and the other physical aspects of love.
Good luck to you, and hopefully you'll be answering someone's question years from now, extolling the virtues of the L-D Relationship!

Answer 3

I don't think it's a simple yes or no answer. Some people find it very hard to stay "connected" when they don't see each other on a regular basis. Every circumstance is different. I guess you have to figure out if you have the kind of relationship distance will pull you a part or bring you closer together.
Good luck!!

Answer 4

I don't know why "believe" needs to be in the question. There are plenty of examples of long-distance relationships working out swimmingly. Clearly, they CAN work.

Now whether or not they're likely to work, and whether or not they're worth the extra risk and effort they involve, those are the important questions, and they're the ones that you have to make your own choices about.

Answer 5

long distance only work if both of you are commit to it. My husband and I were dating for 2 yrs before he decided to moved and stay with me. He was from Boston and I lived in Colo. We tried to see each other every 2-3 months at the most. We are now happily married!

Answer 6

Once upon a time I would have said no. Then one of the girls I worked with, met a guy who was a US Marine and fell in love (she lives in Australia). She kept in touch with him for over a year, but I expected it would end in heartbreak.

Then I changed jobs and lost touch with her. A few years later, imagine my surprise when I met her and her new husband - the former US Marine! They are still together several years later. So sometimes, it can work.

Answer 7

you know i kind of think that it"s a waste of time and energy, pretty much every frined of mine that has moved far away i will eventually lose contact with them.

I had a friend who wasseeing this chick like he was in oregon she was in indiana. it never worked out, you have to like ohysically see the person like you know every third day or every other day,

Answer 8

Yes it can work, with lots of trust, lots of communication. It's real hard work but it can work out as long as both parties are committed.

Answer 9

Yes they do work and no it isnt a waste of time it is very possible.

Answer 10

Yeah if both parties are willing to work together with the relationship