My husband cheated on me about two years ago and iam having a hard time dealing with it cause he lied?

Question

He said it was over but i found out he was still talking to this woman the whole time he was telling me it was notthing and he allso was talking about sleeping with her again it so hard he is now saying it is over but my heart is telling me he is hiding something someone PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME IAM LOSING MY MIND WE HAVE THREE KIDS I LOVE HIM BUT IT SO HARD.And i did things in our marriage and to this day i'am still paying for the things i did my mother said trust god and don't give up oooooooooooo PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME.And he was overseas when he told me the news about him cheating he was going wild over there but still telling me he loved me and we would start over new but it very hard well thanks.

Answer 1

You say he's cheated on you and is cheating again. On the surface, I'd say he's a cheater and he's not going to change - so the next time he goes overseas, I would pack up all his stuff, send it to a storage facility and change the locks on the house.

BUT then you say that you did things in the marriage and you're still paying for it. If you mean that you cheated first, then you really don't have any right to complain about him, do you? Perhaps this is his way of dealing with the hurt you caused him.

Either way, don't listen to your mother. She belongs to the old school, who says that you must stick it out in a marriage no matter how unhappy you are. Nonsense. I do think some couples give up too easily these days, but you've given this guy a couple of years to make it up to you, and he hasn't made an effort. Why should you give him another chance?

Answer 2

I feel for you, dear. Lots of married people wouldn't give their spouse another chance after cheating and rightly so. But now especially after all of that, he's STILL in contact with this girl and there's been more lying about that??

You need to divorce this person and do what you can to get a good life for your children and likewise, finding someone better for you somewhere down the line.

Divorces are never easy, but you have to pick the lesser of two evils. There is just too much going on. And besides, is this how he really cares about the family?? He's obviously not thinking about what's best for everyone and just following his own selfish desires. He's headed down the wrong road but don't let him pull you guys into it as well.

Wouldn't it be better for your kids to see you happy?? Do you want this man teaching them values of dishonesty and cheating against others?? I'm sure you don't.

Get out - take care of your kids - take the time needed to move on and make adjustments. This isn't going to be easy or happen overnight. These things take a long time and the emotional hurt lasts the longest. But you deserve better and so do your children.

Leopards don't change their spots, hon. This will get worse otherwise. Do it for yourself and your children. Try to be strong and keep your spirits up. I know it isn't easy. *Hugs*

Answer 3

I am sorry you are going through this first of all. But you have to look at the big picture. He cheated and lied, once you allow that into the relationship, things will NEVER be the same. I don;t want to say once a cheat always a cheat. But you know that saying is true in so many circumstances. I've never been cheated on and my 1st boyfriend is now my husband. I have been with him for 12 years now and I can see why it would be hard to just break it off. So be it, don;t break it off now. Take the time you need to save up and get help with a counselor to assist you in moving on. But you have too move on!!! You can forgive but NEVER forget. And this is the issue. FORGETTING. you should not have to live in worry, no one should!

Answer 4

What I need you to remember is that we all have one very important trait and that is PRIDE. Do not ever let your self worth be put in question. If some one breaks your trust in them and continues to stay away from the truth then you really need to re-evaluate the situation. At the end of the day your kids see how unhappy you are and this has a negative effect on them. You owe a great deal to your kids in the form of happiness. Think of them first. This means that you have to look after them emotionally, do not bad mouth there father in front of them but explain the situation. Be patient. Most men come back once they see that the wife will not take there rubbish any more and that they can move on. This will be the toughest move of your life. think about the kids and yourself. Good luck my friend.

Answer 5

I diagree you have ever right to feel upset even if you have cheated before you supposedly worked past the issue in your marriage if you cheated and have ben forgiven therefore it is over if he cheated to get back at you fro something he supposedly forgave you for then he lied about his cheating andd forgiving you meaning he has based your marriage on a lie just because one person cheats does not give the person the right to have 20 affairs or even one ,it is understandable that you are hurt and upset by the lies and cheating.I do not agree with changing the locks when he leaves that is mean and has a lot of lying and deception unneccessary and not fair for your kids to witness i don't know what you did in your past and evn if it was cheating he doesn't have the right to cheat back.I think that the lying on top of th cheating gives you the right to dump him in this case consider your kids not your cheating husband say they find out that their dad cheated by a friend or classmate depending on if you live in a small town tehy will feel betrayed by you,also what if the women he slept with in a few months shows up on your door step pregnant and she ask to talk with your dad and then your kids ask you why the pregnant women is looking for their dad who called him the baby's father how are you going to explain that.You really need to evaluate your life with and without him come to terms with your decision wheter he goes or stays and then decide what to do.This is not a 5 second decision or a light one because it is life altering give the time that he is away as a chance to evaluate your relationship and don't talk to him during this time so your head and heart are filled with how you feel and not how he feels or thinks.Also don't allow guilt trips such as bringing up the kids and how they must have a father trust me many kids are raised sucessfully and well by single parents or parents or aren't married.The best of luck.

Answer 6

Listen to your heart. A womans heart is very powerful. If you can't trust him, then leave. Like they say, if u don't have trust, then u don't have a relationship. i know that u have children together but i was watching Dr. Phil, and he said one of the smartest things..children would rather be from a broken home than to live in one. That is very true. I am a product of a broken home and its not bad at all. as long as ur children know that it wasn't their fault and that even though their parents aren't together, they are still loved. Sometimes u have to give up something to be happy. of course you love him, but is the love overpowering the distrust? if not then u need to go ur separate ways. and if ur still paying for what u did, and nothing good is coming out of it, then why hold on?! Both of u know that the marriage is not what it should be, so be the adults that u are and go ur separate ways, but please be civil for the children.
Good luck!!!

Answer 7

Too each his pain is diff rent and very intense. I would love for you to please first take a deep breath and a step back from your problem... Please dont lose it you cannot afford to for the sake of your kids. As for your hubby, can you live with infidelity? Can you trust him again ? Or if need be can you turn a blind eye these are things only you know and you can decide. Try to be rational though that would be the most hardest off things to do in this situation, Your inner strength will always be with you so take a decision and then go ahead and stick by it.. god bless.

Answer 8

I can't tell you what to do. No one can. You are going to have to pray on it. All I can tell you is from experience is that the pain willnever go away. the trust will nver come back. Your self esteem is broken and its up to you to get it back. I was with my kids father for 11 years. He continously cheated and lied. Ithought that the parents were supposed to be together for the kids to be happy. I finally realized that if you are not happy your kids will not be happy either. If you want to prove to him that you are not playing, you wont take it anymore, leave him for about 2 weeks. Show him what he has. It will be alot of stress on you, it was on me but you can handle anything with God. Just remember that you are not alone but dont let it beat you down. You are somebody.

Answer 9

Ouch! I just told someone to remember her marriage vows you know "For better or worse....la Dee DA" but I would not be able to stand someone cheating on their spouse. You don't know what the future holds though especially in times of war. Don't talk bad about your kids dad to them though. Your mother is very wise and that is good advice. If you still love him then all you can do is pray. Being of religious background also remember that 2 wrongs don't make a right. but who is to say what is right or wrong. "Judge not ..yada yada...?

Answer 10

i know you have kids and all but i don't know why you would want to stay with some one who cheats on and lies about all the love in the world is not worth be with someone who doesn't care about you and the kids and no he does not care any man that sleeps with another women while he has a wife and three kids at home can careless about you or the kids