What would you do if you were 23 yrs old and a man 30 yrs older asked you to marry hi?

Question

...I mean he gives you this really expensive ring, has never been married, has a lovely home, has his own business, and has given you anything you asked for for the two years he has been persuing you. BUT. You don't love him.And you have told him this. Still he wants to marry you. You want to marry him also, but only for security. He knows this also. Let's say also that you are very comfortable with this person.

(correction "him.") Suppose he had given you a beautiful expensive engagemen ring, has his own successful business, has never been married, no children but has put his two nephews through undergraduate school, has a alovely home, and has given you many many wonderful gifts over the past two years he has been pursuing you.He wants to marry you even though he knows that you do not love him. He wants to marry you even though he knows you would only be marrying him for securty purposes. You are very comfortable with this man even though he only has one arm.

Answer 1

Only you can make this decision. You wouldn't be the first person to do this and you won't be the last. People get married all the time for reasons other than love - it was the right place/right time, good sex, arm candy for a successful man, someone to raise the children, family tradition. In fact, the U.S. in one of the few countries where people marry entirely for love without thought to a caste, social class, family background, family approval of the other person.

However is this what you really want? If he is a good guy and good to you, is there a chance you will love him later? If not, do you really want to give up on the idea of true love? Sounds like he's been pretty nice to you for the last two years. Why not continue to see him and spend time with him while still dating others? Maybe true love will come along after all.

Answer 2

Most people would say no due to age difference. 7 years is no big deal, however, the love issue is very important. If you have no feelings for the person then re-think the situation. But if you have been in a physical relationship with him then I do not see why not. Many people don't love there partners as we think they should. Feelings change and so do expectations. The greatest gift he can give you is love. Think about what he is offering you and try giving back a little. He sounds like a good guy. Give him a chance. Good luck my friend.

Answer 3

Well at least you are both honest and know the score. Trust is a good start. You may wind up separated for many reasons, the least of which could be the love of your life arrived on the scene. Do you want to be a trophy wife? Some people don't care. Only you can answer this question. How would you feel breaking his heart? How would you feel if he became jealous, or controlling in any way. Think about it and decide for yourself. Most people have never been in your position and can't really answer for you.

Answer 4

DO NOT MARRY HIM! Consider marriage when you have been together long enough to be out of the infatuation stage. When you have discussed ALL the issues involved in life after the wedding like finances, division of household labor, children, in laws, where to live, jobs, time away with friends, sex (how much and how often) and a million other things you haven't thought of. After all of that you consider each part of the vows, and what you consider is the difficult side of them, anybody can be happy when things are going well so,

richer or poorer....still want to be with them in a shack with crackers ala peanut butter for dinner...for the fourth night in a row?

sickness and health...they develop a chronic physical or mental illness and can't get around and can't work, still want to be there?

better or worse...they are in a car accident and you have to spend the rest of your life feeding them and changing their diapers, still want to be married?

keep yourself only to him or her, can you REALLY only have sex with only that person until you die?

THIS is what marriage is, not a fairy tale where everything goes well everyday, the one guarantee you have is that things WILL go wrong. Remember, you answer all these questions after you have passed infatuation, after you know what their bad points are (yes they have some and so do you) and still consider it anyway.

If you think you are up for all of this then maybe you should think about it. Don't forget to consider whether they would stick by you if it was you in any or all of the above scenarios. Check out the question posted here by married people and keep in mind that all of them thought this was the thing to do and the ONE for them when they got married too! There is a book called Lies At The Altar by Dr. Robin Smith, it helps you answer all this and go in to a marriage with your eyes wide open, if you aren't willing to consider all that then what you really want is a pretty ring and a nice party and lots of attention, have them but don't make that a basis for a LIFE. Comfort won't get it done, eventually you WILL want more. Good luck!

Answer 5

Your going to be miserable if you dont love him.
Love is not only the reason for marriage but also the number one reason for a marriage to work.

You know people with financial difficulties marry each other anyway. There may be no security financially but the security of true love and loyalty is what counts the most. All obstacles after that can be fixed as long as you have each other.

Answer 6

well, you're not going to be happy. Unless you can learn to love him. Are you going to cheat on him? Cause the sex won't be good for you, and if you don't really find him to be *special*, I wouldn't do it. Unless you need security really bad. If you're in a really tough spot that you're not likely to ever get out of without the assistance of someone else, then marry him. But you might end up divorced. Honestly though, you can find a nice young man, you are still so young. This guy is probabley wacked out. Their may be secrets he's hiding from you. Their is perhaps a reason he's never been married. good luck.

Answer 7

You still have to give it more time, because you don't want to be in a loveless marriage.

People say that love is all you need, but i say that you have to have love, money and security. If you are missing one of the components then it won't work.

You are missing the love component, which means that one day you might fall in love with someone else and really hurt this man. He is afraid of that same fact, that is why he keep putting pressure on you.

Still the best thing to do is wait a little longer and don't put time conditions on yourself either.

Answer 8

Everyone deserves to be loved. Give back the ring and let him move on to find that person. And you should find that person that you love as well. Security does not make a marriage. Marriage is very difficult IF you both love each other but without that, you are guaranteed to fail. Divorce rate is 50% in this country.

Answer 9

Well if this happened to me I would be a bit worried since I am a man- hahahahahahahahahaha

Seriously, if you don't mind being used or using him... and he also does not mind being used or using you... than I think you two are made for each other.

Of course you will both become bored quickly and move on to real relationships, but if you two are going to play house like when you were 8 or 9 than you might as well.

Keep in mind one small detail outside the mature thought of two people willfully using each other for mutual gain... he is a borderline pedophile and may have more in his past than you realize. I would be cautious here... and realize this behavior will repeat itself later.

Answer 10

Now that is what I call a tough decision! Sounds like you like him as a friend but still you lead him on...If you don't love him, it is really not fair to him for you to lead him on and then leave him hanging...You can either get completely away from him romantically and find your true soulmate, or marry him and create this huge lie that has the possibility of someday turning into love. I hope you don't hurt him, because he sounds like an amazing guy who doesn't deserve it. Before you think about yourself, think about him, and what would be the best for both of you. Don't be selfish. I hope it works out for the best.